This Has Been Hard

Fortunately my computer is not out the door just yet.

It is with great sadness that I have to say that SFE is having to be a private site. Because of the meddlesome actions of three people in my immediate area who decided to call my mother and leave a message on her machine that I talked about my bio-dad on the blog. She is very upset. My parents did not support me re-connecting with my bio-dad in any way. They told me I was dishonoring them to do so. It was VERY hard for me. One of the hardest things I've ever done because I was and still am sure the Lord wanted me to continue anyway. I was never regretful of that decision especially because of getting the chance to talk to him about the Lord and let Him know I forgave him. Though talking of these things, he was able to forgive his own father. Little did either of us know he was about to die. I never brought my children into any of it, it was something I did on my own. I will never regret it. He lived across the country so I did not fear of it effecting my life here.
Somehow, three people who know my family felt it their duty to call my mother and inform her or "give her the heads-up" that I had talked of this. Unfortunately she did not read the whole post to see that I was honoring my dad Mark by sharing this story. She just was upset that I talked about it.
It is a struggle to be honest and real and sensitive at the same time when blogging. I see no shame in the fact that my story is what it is. If anything..I see the hand of God. I cannot tell you the immense pain this has caused me. I have been crying all of an hour. I have shut the blog down and invited only a few who I feel I can trust to read.
I thought the story I wanted to share of my dad's great sacrificial love to take me and that giving me the burden to do the same was well worth sharing. It is so hard for me to have to change what was good because some people decided to take my heart sharing and put it to distressing use. I am in shock.
I don't see how anyone can think that calling a woman and leaving a message on her answering machine that her daughter blogged that she had a bio-dad was helpful. If they had been with me a while they would have known that I've mentioned it before. No calls that time I guess. I knew what I wrote was something my mother could read. However, if she had not been so rudely alerted, she may have read the whole thing and seen where I was going with it. Anyone who truly knew my mother and her decisions to not talk about the fact that Mark was not my blood father, would have known better. You don't call a widow and do such things...let along LEAVE IT ON HER MACHINE! (i'm sorry, I 'm so upset) Little do they know that two other people do the same and she has to come home to three such "heads-up" messages. It's unbelievable.
My mother and I differ greatly on the story of my life. She believes I dishonor my dad by saying he was not my blood father. I see more greatness in the story as it truly is. I have always been grateful that God saved me from a bad situation many years ago. This is my story as it is, I cannot help that it's a fact and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not very good at saying things other than what they are.
Being in a church where your parents go is sometimes very hard. Many Sunday's the only thing people say to me is "How is your mom?". I become the go-between and it was that way when my dad was alive. "I can't get a hold of your mom, is she okay? I left a message." I swallow it over and over again and try to be patient. On the flip side is this, someone treating me like a 12 year old in a home that I'm not in anymore instead of the 32 year old woman that I am with a life story. Instead of calling me, they have called my mother. It's patronizing. I DID NOT, nor would I have EVER say anything disrespectful of my mom and dad. If anything, I let it be known that my bio-dad was not a good man.
I have never been this honest on the blog before, and perhaps I feel I can be so now. My mother and I see things very differently when it comes to the story of my life. She was even hurt when I told her that I informed Princess that I had a bio-dad just a few months ago. Princess is 11 now, I felt she should know. My mom kept secrets from me till I was 19 years old. I did not want to live my life that way because I saw that in Christ, there was no shame, only the amazing redemptive story of his goodness. I forever have the haunting false guilt that I should not talk about this, or I should pretend it's not what it is.
We cannot pretend that things are not what they are. We can deal with them graciously, as much as possible. We cannot however cover up and hide because of past mistakes, the goodness and the greatness of the working of the will of God in our lives. That story needs to be shouted over and over and over and over. That is what I believe to be true. That is what I wanted my blog to be. Imperfection made into beautiful redemption, and the story and stories of my life. I will no longer be able to spread that as freely as I would have liked.
I ask myself, how do I shoot for eternity in this? I will have to pray for many days to get over some great hurt and anger, and now I have a very big rift between my mom and I. She has never wanted me to talk about her past to anyone. I think I had started to forget that again because I get to caught up in what God has done through it. There are times when you have to pray God will help you honor your parents even though you do not agree with them. I am truly trying on this one. I shoot for eternity by telling what God has done through the good, the bad, the ugly. I forgive people and do not hold it against them, even when it's hard. I pray lots. I take great care to show my children Christs love despite hurt.
My story is what it is. I wish I could have just been free to say what it was.
I appreciate your prayers. I'm very sorry to put you all through this extra step. I feel completely deflated. There is only so much sharing one can do in life. I definately have a great desire to share and so if it's to a shrunk set of trusted friends...so be it. I do always try hard to do it right and my husband feels that the way I said what I did was not wrong. So, I have to let it rest. I just need to get over all this crying. The point that I had a bio-dad was important to understanding the whole story of my growing burden for children without a home.
Thank you for still coming.
If you have me linked on your blog (and I thank you) you can feel free to let anyone know of the priviate setting. I am open to allowing invitations after I can filter them. Just email me happyhomebody@gmail.com

My Own Story Regarding School

Thank you for those of you who have shared your stories. If you have not shared yet, please do. It has been fun to read your journeys. Go here to share. I gleaned two things so far from your sharing. (1) We will have joy and delight in what God's will is for us, and (2) Christian women need to be secure in where God has led them and spill out joy and encouragement to their sisters in each path God has for them. I think the second one is profound in our journey to glorify God. We never know where God may lead us, we should always be open to his leading for each child, and each year. Even where I sit, being in the public school, I have no idea where God will have us in the future. I should have had that same attitude while homeschooling. I should have had a bigger view of God regarding those who did anything other than homeschooling. I am thankful God used this journey to show me how boxed in I had made Him.

Brianna asked a good question. Why did we leave homeschooling.(oh, and yes Brianna, that was the book I was referring to..more on that later!) I can answer you in one sentence but it's nutty. God told us to. That sounds so crazy, but it's absolutely true. There is a lot that goes into that that I want to get to this week, but since there are some new readers here, you may want to start with catching up on our testimony.

Alicia It's Time To Share from May 27th, 2008

Sharing Part 2 from May 28th, 2008

Sharing Part 3: One Body Many Parts from May 29th, 2008

Sharing Part 4: "If You Are Living This Way, STOP NOW!" from May 30th, 2008

Pursuing The Beauty of Unity from June 1, 2008

What Exactly Was It I Was Supposed To STOP? from June 1, 2008

Updates On The Journey from June 3rd, 2008

My Story:

My life has always been jumbled. If anyone has run the gamut on school, I think it's me. The only thing I have not done is boarding school.

I entered kindergarten at 4 in a private Christan ACE school. I was in ACE schools from there until 4th grade. I did not really enjoy these schools because I am highly social and the structure of ACE is for kids to be at their desks with dividers and doing booklets called "paces" for each subject. There is no teacher, not group discussion, no activities that I remember. It was as boring as could be for me. I tend to learn hands-on and this structure was anything but hands--on or interactive. There were only monitors who walked around and answered your questions. You put up a little flag if you needed help, you did not even raise your hand.

In the midst of this time my family re-located from Indiana to California. Though ACE was not as common here, my parents unfortunately found one for me to attend. It was worse than all the others. I was always glad when school was out and I could take off my itchy uniform and put on my play clothes. I always felt so free when school was over.

I was only there for one year (not sure why, I'll have to ask my mom) and then they put me in public school. I was elated from what I can remember. It was so fun to interact with other kids and a teacher. I don't remember liking my 4th grade teacher too much, but I liked the school work, and I liked making friends. 5th grade was one of my favorite years. I had a teacher who had two boa constrictors in the classroom and he would let them out, and we could watch them eat mice if we wanted. I was such a tomboy, this was right up my alley. We all sat on our desks and they slithered around going after the mouse. I do like mice though but I've always understood the need for the food chain and that things die to feed another. My dad being really into guns and squirrel annihilation kinda helped with my outlook. This teacher, Mr.Howland I think his name was, had a store for us to spend points we earned. I loved that, and was highly motivated by it. We read "The Phantom Tollbooth" that year, and it's still one of my favorite books.

My parents moved again in this time, and my family was in a very bad car accident in which my mom nearly died. The Lord used school to keep me busy and well adjusted in a hard time for my family. We were living in a motel while waiting for a home to be built in the north part of our county where we would be re-locating to. I was 10.

When we moved, my parents put me in our main local christian school around here. I repeated fifth grade because at the time they were saying that if you started school too early (as I did at 4) then you should take a year again. I hated the christian school. I was more teased there than anywhere I had ever been. The kids were just down right snots. I had one good friend and even she was wish washy. I liked my teacher, but that was it. My mom took me out within a few months. Into homeschool I went.

My homeschool experience was not good. I think my mom would agree. I have to give her credit, she tried with all her might. They both wanted what was really best for me. I was so bored and lonely. My only sibling is six years older than me and he is disabled so I had no one to talk to except my mom, and I think at that age, she could only take enough of me. I use to hang out after doing my school work, in my playhouse and talk to my cat Thomas all afternoon. I hated homeschooling. Every now and then, we would do an outing that would be fun but not often. My mom and I got along worse in those years than I can ever remember. She was trying so hard, but completely overwhelmed. Since we could not get along during school, we did not relate much the rest of the day. We had had enough of each other. This carried on for 6th, and 1/2 of 7th.

Half way through 7th grade, they put me in the school my kids are in now. It was a tough adjustment for me. I was at a different place in my life than the last time I had been in school. My parents did not let me do, wear, or listen to any of the things the other kids (rightly so in many regards) did and I was a definite outsider from the get-go. I had one good friend, Cheryl, and we stayed best friends all through Jr. High.

Diving into this after not having a good relationship with my mom for years and at such a vulnerable time in my growing up, sent me into some real quiet rebellion through Jr. High. I never did anything big, but I was not focused on growing spiritually. I do remember sharing Jesus with my friend Cheryl. I was not close to my parents, and I was not too secure in school either. It was a hard time.

Academically, I developed a love for poetry and literature during this time. I made a challenge to myself to be the one who could recite the longest poem in class. I did "The Highway Man", "The Lady Of Shallot" and when everyone was thinking that was the limit for sure, I topped it with "The Tell Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe and recited it all. Those were fun days. I was not appreciated for being popular but I was known as the poetry queen and that suited me just fine. I began writing too at this time and my teacher Mrs. Rogers highly encouraged my writing. I lost myself in poetry for long time. It was somewhere I could be myself.

It was at this time that I began to struggle in math terribly. It has never been my strong suit. This is where I met Mr.E who is still at the school teaching 3rd grade, and who's wife is now teaching my kindergartner. Mr. E was a christian man full of the joy of the Lord and he encouraged me like no one else. He made me visualize things, and he made me smile. I was still having a rough time at home with my relationship with my parents and he kept me from feeling totally down on myself in some areas in my life. I think my parents were beginning to feel a real loss of how to keep me in the right direction and they just squeezed harder as a result. There was not a lot of joy in our relationships and I grew more and more discouraged with my abilities and how I measured up. Mr. E cheered anytime I got something right and was patient and helpful when I didn't get it. He gave me a real needed boost at the time.

I went on a summer to Teen Missions to Honduras. God was starting to break through the ice. I had developed a real problem with "godly" authority figures when they were heavy on being critical. I huffed and puffed my way through all the memorizing scripture and bible learning on the mission trip. God had a sense of humor though, he knew he would not let His word return void in my life.

The next year was High School. My parents moved me again to another town. A small one, and I went to the public high school. I fell way behind in math. There was no help for me as I did not get the algebra concepts and the class just moved on. This is one big complaint I have against the public school at the time, and still am on the look out for. I was getting left behind. All other subjects were fine for me. Socially I did not get into any trouble or anything. I did scare my parents half to death by having non-christian boyfriends. Thankfully, the Lord kept me from anything big and most of that was because my parents did not let me date. Any interaction between myself and a young man was at school (which was not much) or at my parents house (which I only remember one time having a guy come over).

That summer, I went back to Teen Missions on a Russian team. That summer changed my life. I saw the world as much bigger, and I saw God as much more real. What I had been taught became my own conviciton and from that point on, I had given my own life to Christ. I came home and asked my mom to homeschool me. It was way too much culture shock for me to come form that to the petty High School drama and selfish pursuits of many. I also had grown in my desire for purity in relationships and was no longer interested in wasting my time on boys who were going nowhere spiritually.

My mom had me do my sophomores and junior year in one. By then, it was popular to enter college ASAP! The whole rave were all the smart homeschoolers who could go off to college at eight. I stayed pretty focused on school and I started working. I had no friends except one who was a guy in my Sunday school.

That became really hard my senior year. I did not have time to think about it much though since I was working and doing school. As the year went buy, it started to wear on me though and I wanted out of Dodge. The homeschooling got majorly boring to me again especially without the social outlet. My mom was also working part time so I was left with my school to do list and that was that.

The big element that I lacked at this time was discipline. I did not learn to be up at a certain time, be on time to class, be on time to turn in work. The only thing that was structured in my life though was being to work on time.

I went off to college at 17, to Taylor University. Looking back, that was way too young. I did not care about the academics at all, I was there in my mind, to make up for two years of no social life. I was not good at being anywhere on time, missed many classes, and did not focus on when to have work done. I don't know how I even got through the year now that I think about it.

My parents could not afford for me to go so far away so they sent me the second year to The Master's College. I was much more focused on school this year but not near what I should have been, and my bad accountability habits still ruled my life. I did meet some great christian friends and even Rick while there, but school was not the best.

From there, I got engaged, married, and had a honeymoon baby girl. I have learned more through life and circumstances that I ever did before. I am not an academic to this day. God used most of my school years to bring me to my need for Him. My greatest regret is that my relationships at home could have been better. That is what I really needed. I know both my parents tried very hard. They always wanted to do what was right, but we were not close. They had a disabled child this whole time that took a lot of their energy so our situation was a little different than some. Seeing this happen in mine and my mom's relationship allowed a real alert system when I started to see it happen to me with homeschooling. For a long time I told myself I just needed to pray more, and to try harder. I needed to focus on Christ and the homeschool thing would go right. It did not get much better. So, I beat myself up for a long time. I fell into a deep legalistic motivation for my homeschooling. I never considered letting go and letting God lead. He had to actually step in and turn me away from where I was headed. He called me out of something that seemed good to me for the greater purpose of His will.

I long more than anything, to focus on being a mommy. To have those relationships be the most important thing to me. To put nothing before them, even homeschooling. On the other side of God taking us out of the homeschool arena for now, I realize that my road was becoming much like my mom's. I was becoming so exhausted with the homeschooling, that I had no time or energy left to be mommy. Just mommy. I don't want anything to clog up the channels between my children and myself. I think some moms are good at managing both, and I desperately wanted to. I am thankful that God knew me more than I knew myself. I'm thankful that he humbled me to admit my limits and not blame it on my lack of spirituality. I needed him to move where I could not, and He was faithful to do that.

A lot of my story sounds very negative. It was all used for the good. It was hard though. Overall, I enjoyed public school more but oddly enough, the reasons are not academic. Perhaps God had me go through these things so that I would have a burden for relationships over many other earthly pursuits. My parents and I have had some tough roads together, but they had some even tougher roads that they came from. I know more about that than I ever did growing up and I'm amazed we've weathered things as well as we have. My mom and I are very close now, and I know as mom how hard it really is. I have all grace for her now and hope my girls call me up with the same someday.

Some things that I loved from your sharing:

Daja said:

"I adored being homeschooled and love homeschooling now."

I'm so blessed by this. I love when mom's are "adoring" homeschooling. It took me a long time to get over being mad that I was not adoring it. Now, God has shown me why I was not. I think that when you are in God' s will, you will have joy. Not happiness, not things going perfect, but joy. You will "adore" being where he wants you. I am so glad Daja has good memories of it and is passing that joy on to her kids.

Katy said:

"My mom was very involved both as "room mom" and as PTA president throughout elementary school. I think her involvement made all the difference in my education. "

This again reflected the important involvement of mommy. It's great that in America, a mom can be in the public school, and be very involved. It also keeps that channel between home and school, open and joyful. Loved that, and it encouraged me to press on in the joyful mission to be at the school every Friday.:)

Kristen said:

(after sharing that she did public school and loved it)

"oh, but i did do homeschool (with a tutor and with my mom) during my really sick years, which were 6th through 9th grade, adding some public school in here and there for a class or so as i was doing better. that really, really solidified my independence and my desire to follow God rather than the peer pressure."

This blesses me too. The intimate plan of God to use your illness as a precious time to get your attention spiritually. God did that for me through those mission trips. He can use anything to orchestrate our upbringing. It is good to remember that he will move us where he needs to be at the time of his choosing.

Brianna said:

"God is working in the public schools. No government can take Him out. There are children, parents and teachers who love the Lord and who are following His call on their life. No matter what type of school you do, what is happening in your home will affect the child most."

That is important to remember, and to stay at the forefront of our minds.

Civilla said:

"The sites I go to are SO dogmatic about homeschooling. You MUST do it, or you don't love your children and are not really a Christian. Maybe it is an over-reaction to the criticism they get. I wish we could stop the "mommy wars" and affirm each other and support each other."

I hate to say, that I was one of those women. If I have learned anything, let it be that God works in many ways and by many means. May I NEVER put him in a box again! It's exactly what I had begun to believe..that I MUST do it, and that if I didn't I was not loving my children. That leaves no room for seeking God for what HE wants, for truly, that is the only thing I MUST do unashamedly!!!

I also appreciate the reference to supporting each other. I hope every public school mom with affirm and support her sisters called to school at home. I hope that every homeschool mom will also affirm and support those sisters whom God has called to the public school , or the christian school. We will have great joy for seeking God's good for each other and seeing Him work.

My SIL Joan said:

"I think that really each family must do what is best for them, and if the kids are getting the time, attention, and shepherding they need at home, that's the important thing."

And that, I must say, is the best closing statement I can use!

"Raindrops on Roses, and Wiskers on Kittens..."

Julie beat me to a great blog idea I had a long time ago. A favorite things blog. Sometimes I'll be using something or just walking by it and think how much I just love that little thing. It may be practical, it may be decorative, it may be both, but it's always a joy in a simple day. It's so easy to want to get new things or add new things. I think sometimes it's good to sit back and be thankful for some of your favorites.

So, I've decided to share some of mine and then I'll be tagging some of you guys in the end.:)

1) My recent find of a yellow Pyrex vintage bowl from the thrift store. I love this thing. It is a bowl, but it's square also so it's perfect for salad. I usually use a bowl but the heavy veggies are quick to roll to the bottom, they still do with this but not as easily. It will forever be dubbed the salad bowl. I will only trade it in if I find the one that's red. These were made during the issuing of all the primary Pyrex bowls. (i could have cropped out the hot wheel guy in background but I thought I'd keep it real:)

Lilo wanted to "Vana" it for me...:) 2) Superkid's Room:

I just love his room. I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps it will be topped by the girls when I get it done. I love the simplicity and the toys. The girls are more into messy little trinkety things. His is simple and easy to pick up. I love the bib curtains I found when we moved in. I love the old quilt I've blogged about before that just is perfect for the decor left by my friend Karen's son Trevor.

I love the old purple toy box that use to be my brothers and then mine when I was little and was constructed by my grandpa who is now gone.
I'm not crazy about Sponge Bob and Patrick but someone gave those to him and he loves em'. :*
I love the little construction worker baskets from a Easter Clearance that we have toys in thought the room (one on his dresser), they go so cute with the theme of the border.

I love the fact that he wanted a loft so we created this little play cubbie area underneath. I just recently moved in the red CD/DVD cases when they were no longer needed in the living room. They now have various things: board books, superhero's, plastic cowboy's and Indians, finger puppets...any little collection that can fit in the little cubbies that come out to play with and slide back in for clean up.

I don't have time for to many toy sessions, but if I were still a kid, I'd love his room. 3) My old and very old cookbooks. The older the better. I have even an older one from the late 1800's but it's falling apart so I don't put it out. My favorites are the ones women in the 40's, 50's, and 60's have put their own notes in, or folded up clippings of recipes. From the days when women really used their cookbooks, and really worked in the kitchen.

4) My "Midnight Rose" Royal Albert teacup and saucer. My SIL Joan was with me when I spotted this at Buchart Gardens in Victoria, BC. I just gasped over it because I loved that it was blue roses (I love blue roses, and lavender ones too). She majorly surprised me when I opened it for Christmas 10 years ago this Christmas. Thanks Joan, again:).

5) My poetry book given to me by my parents when I was 14. This book was the cornerstone of my love for reading and writing poetry. I have memorized many of the ones inside and just love some old haunting favorites. The inscription on the inside is written in my dad's writing and says:

"To our daughter Alicia, April 1st 1990- from Mom & Dad"

6) This picture of my dad. I recently found a frame for it. It was his second grade picture. My dad was never very photogenic unless he thought something was genuinely funny. I love this picture because he must have really thought the photographer was worth smiling for. It was the smile he made when the kids did funny cute things as toddlers too. It's a treasure.

7) My yellow tea kettle. A goodwill find many years ago, I will never get another unless it goes south completely. On rainy days it literally calls to me to have a cup of tea and a nice run through some Josh Groban or Enya music.

8 & 9) My old lamp and framed adelvise.

The lamp was being taken out to the trash (I know shreek real loud!) by my neighbor. I happen to see him and ran outside. Trying to calm down I said "are you going to throw that away?" I rescued it and have loved it every since. Recently I saw a similar one in a antique store. It has the original plug so though it works, I don't leave the room with it on.

(sorry the pic is blurry)

The framed adelvise is a real treasure of mine. Rick brought it back from Europe for me from the alps. I have always loved the song and he thought it would be a fun gift. I have had it on a my dresser for nearly 12 years now.

10) My babies wall.

I will never change this. It reminds me that they are all my babies no matter how old they get. They are in birth order, and under them the verse that reminds me of my mission in parenting:"And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates." Duet 6:6-8

11) The vintage aprons I found on my trip to Washington.

I wear these all the time now. One is a little tiny on me, but hey, I can always work into it right? :) I even walk down the street forgetting to take them off when I'm taking something to my neighbor. I usually get looks. No one knows what to do with a woman who looks like a housewife anymore. I love it.

SO! I think this would be a great meme!

I tag Tricia, Christina, Katy, Lynn, Christy, Judy, Pebbles (welcome!), Kristen, Amy, Karen, and Daja

Public School: Demasking of the Monster That Was

This week has been fun, exhausting, stimulating, and HOT! I thought it was hot a few days ago, but it wasn't. Today, it's hot. The streets are silent. Lilo and Superkid are sound asleep taking that much needed nap, and Princess is playing Mario. Rick is all ready home, and I'm glad cause not even the mailman should have to endure this.
BTW, it's 107 at 4pm!

So.....how is it going?
It's going very well! Great actually. The girls first day Lilo came out with a big grin on her face and lots to tell. Princess was tired but she was tired on Sunday from a week of camp and she never really got to catch up from vacation, to camp, to school, then add the heat.

(we made peanut butter cookies on Monday, the girls first day...my little helping chef)

(Superkid did something amazing, something you could never do if you tried. He managed to crack the egg over the bowl but only get the shell in the all ready going butter and sugar, and the yolk all complete on the counter! Mommy had to spend the next five minutes picking out shell pieces after she quickly tried to turn the mixer off before it was all worked in!)

Superkid had his first day of kindergarten on Tuesday. If you have been following the blog, you know that his teacher is the wife of an old favorite teacher of mine. He did not talk about going to school much all summer. He was neither excited nor apparently apprehensive. Then, on Monday, while the girls were in their first day, he began making some revealing statements like "Mommy, I don't know how to learn". I could tell that he somehow thought he had to know what the girls knew to be up at the school, and was nervous he would be the only one who didn't understand or couldn't do....whatever. I tried to assure him with my words and he listened but I was a little worried all of a sudden what the next day was going to be like. Then, at 2pm, we had to be up at the school for his little kindergarten assessment. It was a short test with one of the kindergarten teachers to get an idea of what each child is coming in to the year all ready knowing, or not knowing at all. (doing the pointy-finger-happy-dance while jumping out of the van for the first day of kindergarten)

(Showing Lilo where the Library is, since he found it the day before walking around with mommy)

(caught mid-air in a happy skip down the halls....yes, my son skips sometimes:*)

Superkid went right over across the room to the teacher and sat down, he seemed confident to be starting. That right there made me feel better. Then, when he was done taking the test, the teacher gave me a big hearty thumbs up so I knew he had done well. I came on over and she let us know together that he was really above where he needed to be all ready. That made him smile, and he was eager to go to school after that. He even went home and asked me to pull out worksheets so he could do them.
Each day I'm asking the kids what their favorite part of the day is (this is our cookies and milk time at the table, when they also had me any papers and let me know what they need to do) and what the hardest part was.

(name changed for blog:)

The first day Lilo said that nothing was hard, and there was nothing she didn't like. I am absolutely thrilled with her teacher who blessed me by thanking us for letting Lilo be in her class. Lilo loves school now....that is something! I knew when we met this teacher, that they would hit it off well, and they have. (Superkid and Mrs.E)

I knew Superkid was adjusting well when on the second day of school he saw his teacher in the distance and said excitedly "Hello Mrs. E....!" He does not usually greet openly anyone he does not feel real comfortable with. He has been enjoying that he knows a lot of the stuff so far, but feeling stretched to learn his name in lowercase letters since he is so comfortable writing in

(getting his intro picture taken)

capitols. I don't remember ever using lower case in kindergarten but they move faster now days on some things. They have play time too and he loves the big playhouse in the classroom where he can play cook pizza between lessons. I was blessed that on a board introducing herself with pics of her and her family Mrs. E had for her favorite book: The Bible, and on her other picture "God made me special". Nice to see boldness in the public school.
Princess has had the biggest adjustment I would say. She told me she loves it and would not go back, but she has had different challenges. A little boy who likes her and tried to pinch her cheek like a mommy would a cute baby's...not cool. The teacher reminded the kids that they need to all keep their hands to themselves and respect other peoples space, but the next day he tried to poke her. So, this little guy is getting in trouble very early on. He is not being mean to her, just trying to get her attention (like boys use to pull ponytails way back in our day, I guess). I told her that under no circumstance is anyone to lay a hand on her personage whether to be funny or else. She was bold enough to let the teacher know the second time and I told her I was proud of her for handling it. She was put as a barrier between two chatty girls as well, because she was the one quiet and paying attention. I warned her to look out for the chatty one trying to talk to her instead, but we have not had a problem. So, when she gets her turn to share what was great and what was hard, the certain little boy is always the subject of the annoyance of the day.

For homeschooling kids, they have made the transition miraculously so far and I am so thankful.
I thank God for the way they are excited and doing well.

For me there have been other adjustments. Though my schedule is not fully kid free during school hours as Superkid is only in school right now from 8:25-11:20, the few hours at home have been a very focused time and they go fast. I do feel in my element and reassured for this time that this is where we are supposed to be.
Socially it has had it's challenges. It is strange to take off a hat that use to match others and now does not. Some of my friends have proven to be deep sisters and moved along with me, if not further in our journey as friends as they have prayed for us and encouraged us to follow the Lord's lead no matter where he takes us. Others seem to not know what to talk to me about anymore and avoid the subject of school. I try to battle out in my head...."don't read in to it Alicia, trust in God, he has lead you, and He is faithful". Yet, I feel like some Christian's think this a very nonspiritual thing (and that's again, me worried about what man thinks, not God....."but it's a Christian man God...isn't that more important!?"). When someone turns to homeschooling there is usually silent applause for being so self-sacrificing, and doing the "best". When you are called out it sometimes feels like only God and few friends and family are cheering you on. Sorry for venting, but I have to remind myself, I'm allowed, it's my blog.
I just feel the change brutally at times, and more than that, I feel like the decision does not make logical "spiritual" sense.
Yet, the Lord has encouraged me greatly the last few days. I have been reminded of how important it is for Christians to not seclude and hide away, therefore removing all salt from the earth. I use to think that our family being salt and light in the public school was actually more like sacrificing my children to wolves. That they should be coddled and protected from all non-christian thinking and worldview until they were old enough to be sent off and then enter that world. I still stand by my former mention that I don't believe in entering the public school for the motivation of being salt and light alone. What do I mean by that then, and why does it sound like I'm contradicting myself? Well, I'll explain.

You could spin your globe and finger point to any place on the planet inhabited by humanity and say that you should go there because there are people who need the gospel. You would be right, and your reasons would be right, but does at mean you should go there? No, definitely not. Why should you go then? Only if you are called by God to go. Does he call people into the public school? Yes. Does he call people to Africa? Yes. Does he call people to homeschool? Yes. In all cases, he calls us all to look for every opportunity to be salt and light in this dark world when we are within the situation he has all ready called us to. That is how I speak of it, after the fact of the calling to be here. Now that we have been called to the public school, our conversation to our kids is very thick with the subject of being salt and light, and it is exhilarating and fulfilling to anticipate what God will do now that He has us here. That is where he spirit of fear is abolished just like those called to the dangers of India and Africa go boldly. If God is for us, who can be against us!

The fact is, I don't think there is one formula for all families, well, there is.....it's called pray, and follow God's leading, and be bold. I do think, after entering the public arena and feeling the change after being so secluded after so many years, that families who do homeschool may want to make an effort to be in some arenas where they and their children have the chance to be light and practice standing up for their faith, and sharing it. Seasoning the world with the good news is after all our great commission from Jesus and he said to "go out" not to "hide and wait till it's over". I know that sounds like a stark statement but I don't mean it as a slam to homeschoolers, just as an encouragement to us all look for those opportunities either way. You could be in the public school and still hide out, but it would eventually lead to compromise since you are out there, and visable.
Princess was asked by another classmate if she was a Christian on the first day of school. I was surprised that someone else beat her to the subject. She was glad to make a Christian friend. The next day Princess came home and asked me what I thought of her setting up an accountability with her new friend for them to read a chapter in their bibles every day. I said I thought that sounded great! What amazed me was, that as a ten year old, she followed through and she and this friend are doing that very plan.
Myself, I found little baby steps today of how I can look for those opportunities to build relationships. I was in line at a check out in town and one of Superkid's fellow kindergarten kids spotted him and said hi. They stood their chatting and I got to say a few words to the little one's mom. Then the lady behind her asked me if he went to (blank) school. I said yes, and that I had two others up there too. She went on to tell me she had two up there and was very talkative from there. In an few moments in line, I was able to make a connection with her I would not have been able to make before. Being around the school every day you tend to see some of the adults on a regular basis. I knew I would probably see her again, and now we have had an ice breaking conversation. I don't know who she is, but God does. I don't know if I'll talk to her more, but He does. I do know that we are out there and I can feel it! I can feel the boldness to grasp every opportunity to greet and show love to people in the every day of life. To be a friend. To reach out. It comes naturally to me to do that and I have been pondering if that is why the Lord has put this change in our lives, because He knows we will speak boldly and joyfully of Him whenever we get the opportunities. Each one of my children tend to be sociably outgoing in this way as well and I all ready see the blossoming in this new journey. Leading them through this won't be easy, but it will make us strong if we go to the Lord about all of it and ask Him to guide. I like this verse shared by an author on the Sojourners Journal listed on my blog roll.

John 17: 15-17 "I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.”
(taken from this post on public school)
This song on christian radio has spoken to my heart lately:
"Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
again
again
yeah
yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
To ashamed to tell his wife
Hes out of work
Hes buying time
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus

Ive Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all aloneChorus (x2)

I'm Playing Pee Sample Mommy!

My just turned five year old son seems to be enamored with the new thing he had to do at his kindergarten check up. I just went in the bathroom to help him with something and he held up one of our dip cups (for ketchup, ranch etc) which he had taken the liberty of collecting a pee sample in! Heavens. Just when you think they've done it all.

The Winds Of Change

I don't know why, I've been thinking about change lately. I've been flashing back and forward in my memory and the here to there is sometimes startling.

I remember when I was about 5 years old. My grandparents (dad's parents) lived in an old colonial home in Indiana. The property they were on even had an old slave quarters barn. The house had a major staircase going up to the rooms, but there was also a small winding one down to to the kitchen that would have been used by the slave girls. I loved that little staircase. I would sleep in the little room at the top (if it was a real room, I'm not sure, it was so small) and crawl quietly down those stairs early in the morning probably wrapped up in a blanket, to the smell of fresh pancakes made by my grandpa. No one was up yet except the two of us and he was very cheerful to slap some on my plate and smother it with butter and syrup. This was great for the kid who was not allowed to eat sugar normally.

******Today my grandpa is in an Alzheimer's unit close by after my dad moved his parents out to CA right before getting sick. He sang us "You Are My Sunshine" in such a sweet southern voice last time we were there. Where did the time go?



Next, my mind flashes to teen years. I am sitting in my dad's reloading room. Yes, he loved guns so much, he had his own reloading room. Here dad would make his own bullets. I remember helping pour the gunpowder into he machine that distributed it into the bullets, then it would press the metal down (I think he even melted that down from old bullets...can't remember) and you had a new shiny bullet. The brass casings were shined in a rock buffer machine. I would sit and talk to him and push the lever up and down to press the new powder filled brass casing up around the metal. The lever would finish with a bit of a snap and it was done. We talked about life, and politics, boys and Bill Clinton.
********The day came when I sat across the living room from him in the hospital bed now only able to say a few words and smile at me when he woke up which wasn't very often. I turned a corner and felt like I was in someone elses life. Where did the time go?

Then there was the little baby girl who would wake up in the morning and chat in her crib with her stuffed animals and we could hear her over the monitor. She would talk to Pooh bear and spank him if he disobeyed her. We could hear the little muffled pats. Poor Pooh:(! "Now you disobeyed and you have to get a spanking"....pat, pat, pat. She was about 18 months old.
*******Last night we sat on the bed and talked about behaving appropriately with a buddy who now has a crush on her. No more tickle fights, sitting too close, whispering in ears, and that pair of "shorts" that looks like a jean mini skirt is out the door. Where did the time go?

I was about to be a newly wed, and so excited. I went shopping at the good will for a couch (ugly brown and tan striped thing) a bed frame, and some end tables. I crammed them in my bedroom until we could get the apartment, Rick could move in, and we could put them there. Once we were married, and I was growing with honeymoon baby inside, I would get so bored cleaning because it took no time at all. I counted the rest of the hours till Rick got home.
*******Now I look around and am amazed at the life collected around me. All the things needed for a family of five that fill our 1500 square foot home. There is never an end to the pick up now, nor the laundry. And though I still sometimes count time till Rick gets home, most days I don't ever have enough time to keep up on life at all! Where did the time go? (and where they heck did all this stuff come from !!!!????)

It was thanksgiving 1995. I brought Rick home to meet my parents. We were friends. We sat up in the swing int he big oak tree on the back hill behind my parents house. He was talking. I looked over listening to him talk and was hit with an emotional brick. I was going to marry this man. That was that, I was home.
********Now, that swing sits on some cinder blocks in my yard, too old to swing and no where to hang it. Just a quiet respite under a baby oak, and a reminder of time long ago. Where did the time go?

That's when I pensively ponder. Some change in life is subtle, creeping up on you slowly yet from point a to point b, the difference is stunning. Other change takes you around a corner so suddenly that you think you are in a dream. Where did YOUR life go? Who stole it from you? When will they give it back? Some of the change is good, some of it is so hard to adjust to.
We were made to journey ever forward, without the option of going back whether the next thing is great, or it takes our breath away. Change is non-optional in life. The journey moves on and it has a goal and an end.
As I am about too embark on one of the biggest changes in my life, I seem to be reflecting this truth. This major change of putting the kids in school with re-define our lifestyle, our parenting issues, our schedule, our discussions. It's a huge corner but at least I see it coming and have time to think and pray.
So, I begin to think. What, for the christian, is the purpose of change. It really comes down to the fact that this life that I call "mine" is not mine at all. My life has one goal, a conforming to the image of Christ and the living out of my small purpose in the ultimate goal of His glory. Somehow, this big change is going to work His will to reach that purpose, not just for me, but for my husband, and for my kids.

2 Corinthians 3:18
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

Many times we all wish that life would just stay calm for a good long while. That we would stay on a roll, expect the next thing, be prepared for it, be organized, but life is not that way. Life is all a bunch of minute and massive changes. We can fight them, we can even grow bitter about them, or we can welcome them like brave travelers on a quest for one treasure....the glory of God through us! On that journey, EVERY change is a step in the RIGHT direction.

Psalm 91:4
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart

Broke The News To The Kids

4:30 this afternoon we broke the news to the kids over cherry pie and ice cream. I can honestly say I was not sure what their reactions would be. Especially Lilo and Superkid. I had a feeling Princess would be excited since she is a social bug. Lilo surprised me the most. She was not only excited, she wanted to know how long it was till the first day of school, what her schedule would be, and how to spell her teachers name. We are very excited about all their teachers but Lilo's is perfect for her. Her classroom theme is Monarch's, and for any of you who know my Lilo, you know that is right up her bug lovin' alley. This teacher has actually been there since I was there years ago and I think may be retiring soon.
Princess had lots of questions. I don't remember them all. She couldn't stop grinning. She said at one point that she felt a little sick but it was excitement. She asked a lot about what her teacher was like. We told her our impressions from meeting her and let her look at the text books the teacher had loaned us for math, science, and American History.
Superkid was not sure what to think. I don't think he knew exactly what we were talking about at first. It was nothing tangible to him. Homeschooling has been all he has been around. He had never set foot on a school campus! He said he did not want to go there because they did not have play-doh. That told me he was uncertain. Precious little guy. We talked about what they do in Kindergarten. How they learn to read but they also play a bit. There are hot wheels, a huge pretend house, desks, stories, and possible even play-doh.... we will have to ask.
There were so into it but the little ones were having a harder time picturing where this would be. So, we threw on our shoes and hopped into the van. It was time to see what we were talking about.
We got up there and a teacher walked out. I recognized her. She was my homeschool teacher through the school when my mom homeschooled me many years ago. I remember her bringing me art samples to look at. She is a very sweet christian lady and it was amazing that I was talking to her here with my kids 20 years later! She was very happy to let us on into the campus and meet us all. She did homeschool when her kids were young but is one of the first grade teachers now on site at the school. She said it is amazing to be there right now because there are so many christian teachers they actually feel the freedom to walk by each other and ask for prayer for things. It was very encouraging to talk to her. I knew that God would do this whether the obstacles were big or small but he sure seems to be blessing us with some postive people up there.
From there we found the rooms the kids would be in. They were locked and the windows dark and hard to see in, but they were determined to try. So daddy picked up one kidlet after another so they could peer in as best they could. Lilo was very excited to see monarch's plastered everywhere in the classroom of the second grade teacher we want her to have. They played on the different playgrounds and drank from the drinking fountains. It was a joyful time. They did not want to go home. We tried to remind them that being up there was not playing all day outside. :)
So, we are encouraged. The journey is one step further and we walk on in faith.

Isaiah 48 :

17 This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.

18 If only you had paid attention to my commands,
your peace would have been like a river,
your righteousness like the waves of the sea.

Why I Love Sunday's and How I Long To Keep Them

I've been working so hard today to tidy up before Sunday comes. It's something I have found very beneficial to our family to make the effort for. There is quite a bit of value in the old Hebrew law to not do anything on the Sabbath. I don't think many women would have been complaining that they didn't have to cook or do dishes. Really, they were probably the ones most benefited by the law. Now, I don't believe in keeping a Hebrew law of course, but many of the laws were based in some common sense wisdom. Our Sunday's our so much more peaceful and relaxing when we take the time to prep the day/night before.

I have always loved Sundays! Probably because my Saturdays were family work most of the day. My dad had us work very hard helping around the property. I remember some days we were locked out except if we had to use the bathroom and did not come in until dinner. Dad would bring us out a pb&j sandwich at lunch time and always had water bottles going. My mom was in the house doing housework. We dug trenches, brought rocks in from the garden, brought more rocks in from the garden again (gotta' love that CA soil!), pulled weeds, and all other manner of helping dad out. Usually there was a point in the afternoon when I was allowed to go and play but in many ways, I was like an only child since my brother was six years older and disabled. I had a playhouse, my one major consolation in life. There I would hang out, play house, talk to my cat, dress up my cat, read to my cat. I loved that cat!

Anyway, Saturdays were my least favorite day of the week. So, when Sunday's came I was thankful. My dad believed in no working on Sunday. I think he would putter around sometimes but he never made us work that I can remember. We would always go to church which meant some kind of socializing since I was homeschooled for a good long while and there were not many social options for teens back then. We went out to eat most of the time. As I got older it got cheaper, like Taco Bell all the time but it was a Sunday tradition. I remember spending most of the afternoons hanging out in my room, re-arranging or re-decorating it (yes, I've had that problem for a long time.....got it from my mom), and listening to music or NPR short stories on the radio.

Now that I'm a mom, I love preparing for a quiet Sunday. I don't make my kids do as much outside work on Saturday (since we have little outside to speak of anyway) but they do help clean up the house and especially their rooms. One of the most wonderful things to me when I can be organized enough to bring it about, is a good Sunday dinner that is ready in the oven or crockpot and a big salad to go with it. Perhaps some ice tea and a dessert with decaf to follow. Then, we always rest for a bit. The kids don't really do much quiet time during the week, so Sunday is the day they know they have to either lay down, or read quietly.

I also love Sunday now for our blessed church. The teaching is ALWAYS challenging and spurring, and the fellowship is always sweet. We are very blessed to have a wonderful church.

The rest of the day usually involves some outside playtime, some family time, and an earlier bed time to start the week off good.

I want to make it my goal more and more to guard the time we have on Sundays. Time to rest and worship the Lord. To stop and recognize His goodness and talk about life casually as we spend time together eating, resting and playing. God knew what He was doing when he made a special day, he knew we needed it.

Superkid's Birth Story

Tomorrow is Superkid's 5th birthday. I thought I'd start the story today so I don't stay on the computer much at all on his special day. Today we are going shopping for a watermelon and macaroni and cheese to have with BBQ chicken sandwiches for dinner, his favorite things.
I always make the kids favorite dinner on their birthdays and they get to pick out a junk food cereal for thier breakfast.
Rick and I had two beautiful girls. I had always pictured myself having a boy first, I don't know really why, you know how those girly things go. We wanted another baby and were sure it would be another girl. I was of course okay with that, especially because I thought I'd be having five kids, not just three. God had different plans!
We found out in mid September of 2002 that we were expecting, and we were elated! However, life kinda goes on and I was very busy caring for a four year old, and near two year old on top of all day long nausea so I don't remember much until half way when IT happened.
We took off on a big trip to see Rick's folks. I was about 18 weeks along. We had so much stuff to carry. When we got to the airport we had to hurry to our ramp for some reason that I don't remember. He had Princess plus luggage, plus car seat.... I had Lilo, plus luggage, plus car seat. I remember feeling like I was over doing it but I kept thinking I was only half way so nothing could really happen. I was beyond where it could go wrong, and not yet to where he could come.....right?
Well, we got up there and things went fine but I did become rather homesick and went through some real emotional stress. My in laws are very quiet people and my kids have never been quiet playing children. It was Christmas and all children, well, MY children, get really hyper around Christmas (not to mention it was both their birthday's!). Anyway, I started to feel what I thought was the baby pushing really hard against the sides of my belly . I had been feeling him for a while so I just thought that he was big (and he was, but). We went to see "The Two Towers" in the theater while there and I remember him wiggling around so much to the sounds of the movie, especially the wings of the nasgul. Then, the same scene back home: bags, girls, car seats...
When I got home I was feeling the pushing more and more and in patterns. I remember I sat down in my glider rocker one afternoon and just paid attention. It scared me. I called my friend Charlotte who had been on bed rest (I had been put on bed rest with Lilo to but only for about two weeks until I hit 34 weeks and then they just let me up, it was for early laboring) for a long time. I described to her what I was feeling. She said they did sound like contractions. No way! I was only 20 weeks!
We went to the hospital. I was contracting, and I was dilated to 2cm! I was put down and told to stay down for three months. My church family and MOPS group jumped right up to help. Oh, they were so gracious! The girls were on a rotation of going to a different friend each day of the week. Rick had to get them up early every morning and take them off to someones house and pick them up after work to bring them home. We had food brought every other night. We had friends come clean up the house for us. It was hard but amazing. I most of all missed out on my baby, Lilo, learning to talk. She said near to nothing before this but because of her need to tell people what she needed, she started talking.
I had to have an emergency ultrasound upon going into labor. They started it up and were happy to see that my inside report was good. Baby was great. The doctor said "Do you want to find out what the baby is?" We had all ready decided that we would, since we had never had it done with the girls and I wanted to know if I could buy boy stuff or not. "Well, he said, what do you have?" We told him we had two girls. "Well," he said, (and I thought for sure by his tone that we were having another one) "it looks like you girls will have a little brother to play with!". Immediately Rick sprung out of his seat and present me with high five. My mom was there too and on the walk to the car she got on her cell and called Dad to tell him the "Well, guess what!" news. It's a memory I'll never forget.
I finally reached the end of my bed rest, after many books, Martha Stewart shows, Pride and Prejudice watches, crocheting, and note writing moments. I continued to labor the whole time off and on. I was on Tributiline for months (that stuff is awful... you are told to lay down all the time but it makes you feel like you have drank ten cups of coffee). When I got up I was still contracting. It was so hard to know when the baby was going to come. We had three false runs to the hospital. I mean these hurt, bad, and would come in three min intervals and I would get all the way to the hospital, get hooked up and they would start to die down. Finally I was about 12 days from due date and worn out from all the labor. Superkid (Rick and I alone knew his name) was really big by this time. Oh, and the other thing the ultrasound told us at 20 weeks as the doctor put it "This baby has extremely long femur bones!". This was before he said it was a boy and I thought "oh, my, am I going to have an extremely tall girl?!" Anyway... she said I could come on in the next day and she would break my water.
The most ironic thing about being on bed rest that I hear from many women is that when the baby needs to come, you have to be induced. That was the case here. I was even put on pitocin. That was the bad part. They were supposed to be really careful because I was a double V-back (meaning, for those who don't know, I had a c-section with Princess and a natural birth with Lilo). Instead, they did not pay attention and I was given too much. It is a miracle I did not rupture. I was at 3 cm for hours. All of a sudden I told the nurse I was feeling a lot of pressure. I had my epidural and I was still feeling it. She said, no, there was no way. I shut up but not for long. No, something was going on. I asked them to check. I had jumped from 3 to 10 in about a half hour! Basically Superkid had been slammed into the birth canal because of the high dose of pitocin (the one nurse I did not like was in control of my drip lines, she also forgot to re-set my epidural and it ran out by the time I was actually giving birth). He was sideways. His shoulders were vertical. OUCH! Especially with no epi, I felt them more than I did his head. He does have broad shoulders too. It took three hours to push, he got stuck. The room was full of people. My mom got scared (my brother had a stroke in birth from the same thing and he has Cerebral Palsy because of the lack of oxygen so you can see why she was scared. I think it was like re-living out her own scary story. Now days, they make you stop and breathe through every third contraction and even though the birth was traumatic on my body, his oxygen levels were great and he was fine). They finally used a vacuum for a few minutes and he was out.
I had nearly gone into shock though the pushing and was shaking uncontrollably. I was just glad he was okay.
And that is how Superkid came into this world. Long arms, long torso, long legs, long feet. His first word was "ball" and mommy bought him a little basketball. Who knows!
Tomorrow I'll talk more about
who little Superkid is as of five.

Two Meme's With One Stone

First of all let me say, that today was a better day. Not perfect....but when is it? I'll take what I can get. I did have a good time with the Lord in prayer mostly this morning. Perhaps because that was I needed the most, just to pray. Then, I did 40 min of walking, yeah. We did chores and then discovered that we could not get linked to our virtual academy (K12) because the system was down. Since we were really going on the house stuff the girls spent the morning cleaning their room (nearly covered entirely and no floor space) and I was able to do things around the house. Our afternoon had a few twists and turns but it brought about some blessings of time with friends.

So, I am here to do two memes and then I'll be posting some pics long past.
Kristen at Crafty Mama put this one up for gabs (which is what I'm going to do, if you are into Memes as I am then Meme away!)
Four jobs I have had in my life:
-Floor Supervisor at a facility that created piece and assembly work for the physically and mentally handicapped ( I was a supervisor at 16...amazing when I think back but I had experience growing up with my brother and lots of these guys were his friends or workmates)
-Cashier at Kmart- that was fun, kinda my first job out with people my own age which I was really not ready for entirely and fell hard for a bushy long haired boy named Justin. My parents started to sweat. I was 17 (remember I was homeschooled so this was all possible)
-Retail at Ross- one of the worst jobs I've ever had. Have you ever seen the shoe section at Ross? Well, that was my job. I never disliked people more in my life because when I finally worked my way from size 5 to size 12, the mess was started all over again back at size 5. People would just try on and drop, try on and drop. It should have prepared me for motherhood but perhaps thats why I'm extra sensitive to messes compiling behind my very trail of cleaning.
-Worked with an organization that took care of handicapped adults specifically brain damaged adults. This was what I was doing when I got married and then pregnant with Princess. It was a hard job. Many of the these kids were normal at birth and something tragic happened to them. I've never come out of that shadow of worry for my own kids. It was not a bad job in and of itself though because what we mostly did was keep them busy all day. Some days were work days, but most were trips to Barnes and Noble, thrift stores, old book shops, libraries, parks, etc. Not bad for a day of work. I did however have one explode on me in a bagel shop and take the ice tea machine and throw it across the restaurant because he was mad he did not have money for a soda. I got to ride in the back of a cop car with this one and one more in my charge to the loonie bin hospital. A bad day.

Four movies I've watched more than once:
Man From Snowy River
Anne Of Green Gables
Jane Eyre (w/ Timothy Dalton)
Lord Of The Rings
(more than once is not hard on my favs)

Four places I've lived:
Southern Indiana (right across the river from Louisville Ky)
Many places in North County
One place in South County
(I try to stay away from place naming on the blog so I'll move on)

Four TV shows I watch:
It's funny because I don't watch these actually on tv (much like Kristen)
-Lost online(big crazy, nutty, fan...Rick and I both)
-Office online (sporadic fan...watch when we can)
-Monk (on dvd from the Library)
-Everybody Loves Raymond (dvd from Netflix....I'm just about done with the last season. I never got to see them on tv but once in a a blue moon at some house or something...I love the marriage/family drama)
Four places I have been:
Russia (Siberia)
Honduras
Mexico
Canada
Four places I want to go someday:
Italy
England
Greece
Hawaii

Four favorite foods:
Anything involving garlic, carbs and butter
Better than...... Pudding layer dessert (i need to post that recipe...yummy)
Greek Gyros (sp?) w/ a cucumber yogurt sauce
Russian Borscht in Russia itself (I have not had it taste as good as when I was there on a mission trip...maybe I was just really hungry)

Four places I'd rather be right now:
In a hotel on the beach on a week away with my Husband
In Venice eating real Italian food
(right now is kinda hard to fathom)
In Heaven (is that too spiritual for a meme?)
In Tomorrow with all my work done! (Yeah, that's really the best one, it's really a great one!)

Four places I love to shop:
Thrift Stores
Target Clearance
Lately, CVS
Book sales at Libraries

And Now. ....for Fishmama's Meme (ironically similar)

Four Places I always go: ( a little different from the "love to shop at")
Food For Less
Albertson's
My Friend Tricia's house (had to put you in there:)
Trader Joes

Four people who always email me:
My SIL, Tricia, our school, Karen
(I do most of my chatting here now that I think about it:)

Four people who will respond (to this meme): Tricia, Amy, Christy, Christina (gonna break the four rule and hope that Kendal will too:)

Four TV shows I'd watch over and over: I wouldn't, I consider myself lucky to get one run through...
Well, maybe old ones like Mayberry or Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin .....but it never happens.

Wow, that took up the night blog time! I'll get to those pics someday!
BTW- welcome to Life Adapted blogger....I don't know you but glad you came by and felt comfortable to post comment! I love your comments on your "about me".

And Now You Know the Rest of the Story

(this is part three of an on going story, scroll down to rewind and catch up if you need to)
I continued on as a Sophomore at Masters, and Rick continued at his new job as....yes, a mailman. He got the job the week we met I’m pretty sure. I guess the Lord knew it was time for him to be a family man. We dated in the most frugal of ways. This is one of those things we look back and kind of regret. Rick was saving up EVERYTHING for a backpack trip to Europe with his best childhood friend. So, I came in right when he did not want to use a penny unless he had to. We learned early how to do things cheap. Now he regrets he did not splurge a bit more on our dating because we have been scrimping ever since. We did a lot of Taco Bell dates, and I would make spaghetti at his apartment (remember he was one of four so there were plenty of people around).
One of our favorite dates was to go up on a place called "Nike Point". From this hill top way out in the country you can look down on the whole San Fernando Valley. At night it is really beautiful. We would sit there and have lots of good talks. Usually there was one or two more cars parked at the top.
One night on the way home driving the curvy roads in the dark, I found myself overwhelmed by the silence. We just had one of those moments when neither of us had anything to say and I was stunned by how okay we both were with that. There was not awkward silence! How can this be? I blurted out "I love you". Yes, it was me that said it first. Rick was quiet and pulled over to stop the car. I was not sure what that meant. As it turned out, he did not want to be distracted in this moment. I must have gone mush brain because all I remember is him turning toward me and putting his arm up on the back of my seat. I know he said he loved me too somewhere in there, but I'm sorry to say my heart was pounding so hard, I think all the blood was there and not in my brain. (my 19th birthday outing at our beloved coffee shop)
Time went on. It was my birthday, my 19th birthday. December 13th, 1995. Rick had planned an outing with us and some of my friends from college. Nothing big, just a quiet time out at our favorite couch coffee shop. When we got home we sat in the car in front of the dorm listening to STAR 98.6 ("the best of the 80's and 90's" ....but mostly 80's, much to Rick's delight). He told me happy birthday and leaned in to kiss me for the first time. I remember the song on the radio was "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight". I'll keep the rest of that moment to myself:).
Then, it was May and school was ending. Rick was packing up for home in Washington. I think somewhere in here I met his parents and we went out to the famous "Pookies" for lunch (this is the picture up on the side bar for Feb. with all the cups:). The plan was that I was going home, and he was going home for a few days only to head off to Europe for four months. I was not excited to go home. Not only was I leaving all my friends, but I was leaving him for a LONG time. I remember hugging for a long while.
Well, I did go home and he called from Washington. I think it was on May 4th, but I'd have to look at the records, when something unexpected happened. We were on the phone and Rick just blurted out "Will you marry me when I get back?". I think I stammered, I know I did. A proposal over the phone!? Well, this was not exactly what I had imagined, but I have learned that life does this to you sometimes and you better just put your storybook down and seize the reality of goodness that you have. I told him he needed to call back that evening and talk to my dad. By then I think he was very flustered. He forgot that part. Not out of disrespect, but out of the fact that his proposal came purely unplanned out his mouth and there was not time to think. I'll never forget that night. I had to tell my mom the minute I got off the phone, but my dad was wondering why we both had these gidy faces when he came home from work. I remember pacing in my room for the phone to ring, and when it did, I'm sure I bounced in the air a little and started to sweat and get cold at the same time. He was in the living room which was right next to my bedroom. I tried not to listen. I heard a lot of conversation and then my dad came to my door with the sweetest sheepish face and said that Rick needed to talk to me. My heart must have been racing so fast. He asked officially, and I officially said yes.
It was a LONG four months. I racked up 500 dollars of phone bills throughout all of Europe. He had made me a schedule of where he would be when. I worked two jobs, one at a video store and one at a hardware store. I was bored out of my mind, and very lonely. I had no engagement ring. I had been wearing a purity ring for years. Rick and I had gone to Disneyland days before he had to leave and there he bought us both matching shell rings, so I wore it with that. I did have someone ask me out while he was gone and I had to say I was actually engaged, man I wanted that ring on! (Our visit to Victoria, BC for the day, when Rick came home from Europe)

I flew up to Washington days before he was to come in. I was there at the airport when he arrived. I was so happy to see him walk down through that plane exit. We had a wonderful time with his family and visiting Victoria, BC while we were there. That is when we decided we wanted to Honeymoon there. I was 19 and he took me to a Greek restaurant and ordered one glass of white wine. I was legal there. I was anxious to be a big girl. I choked on it and gagged. He drank the rest. :)
Rick moved down to my area of the world and lived with some friends of his parents who happened to be close by. He got a job with the local Post Office. When he came back from Europe he did not have a penny, so the goal was to save enough to have some kind of Honeymoon, and set up our apartment. Once again, we were pinching. (Us months before our wedding)
We were wed on April 5th, 1997. It was a beautiful day. We stayed the first night locally at the Madonna Inn. Rick had a friend who worked there and when we checked in we discovered that he had upped us to one of the grandest rooms. The next morning we drove to San Jose Airport. We were going through the scanner when a bag I had (a paper gift bag) that contained candles, our toasting goblets from the wedding and some other romantic mish mash, tipped over on the conveyer belt and spilled out all over the place. Someone came up to us and helped us start picking it up. I turned to see it was Rick’s dad. His parents were there! We did not realize they would be at the same airport at the same time. I was a wreck by the end of the day when we were finally in Victoria. We had missing luggage. The rest of the time was good.
Two weeks after we were wed, we found out we were pregnant. You should have seen the look on my dad's face. I think he turned white.
.......and now you know....the rest of the story.

Our Story Phase Two: First Date

(For part one of the story, you need to scroll down to previous post)
Well, as it turned out, we never went to Sadie Hawkins. We began talking a lot on the phone and just seemed to not be able to get enough of each others thoughts. Our relationship took such a quick escalation, that we went on our first date before the event that brought us together ever took place. Rick asked me to a dinner out at a Mexican restaurant. I really enjoyed his company. (Photo is Our Date at Ed Debevics)
It was a great evening except for my distraction from his very 80's shirt. It was a bright turquoise blue with black circles/dots filled with various florescent shades of color. Lilo would have loved it. :)
The night of Sadie Hawkins, Rick and I and another couple decided to do it better with a night down at Ed Debevics in Beverly Hills. The theme of the Sadie Hawkins was fifties so we just went with that, but better. It was a fun night but I remember wishing we had just gone somewhere as the two of us. The couple we were with were heavy on sarcastic humor and neither Rick nor I are prone to that. We sat in the back seat all the way back to Masters and with a quiet demeanor.
Our relationship became so intense from the beginning that I began to get a little panicked. The more I got to know Rick, the more I liked him A LOT. It was just one of those things that fit together so well that you think the bottom of the world is going to fall out any minute because it's too good to be true. Our first date was on Nov. 7th (that Mexican restaurant date) and by two weeks later, I asked that we take a back up hit the breaks. I thought we should try to be just friends. I was so unsure that this was really what it was gearing up to be.
Rick came home with me for Thanksgiving, as friends. My parents loved him. My dad especially loved him, and thought he was the best. That scared me even more and I tried hard to fight the gushy feelings I had when I looked at him across the table of food and heard him so easily converse with my family as if he had been there forever. I was still fighting it when we sat out on the swing that swung from the big oak on the hill behind our house (my favorite teenage get away in tough times and hormonal surges). As we sat there swinging and talking I looked over at him and just KNEW this was the man I was going to marry. I knew it was true because I didn't want to know but something was telling me anyway. I was still trying to emotionally fight it.
Rick and I had another amazing and heart wrenching connection, something I had never shared before with anyone, not even any of my girl friends. We both had disabled siblings. My brother Scott is Rick's age and has Cerebral Palsy. Rick's sister Heather (who has since gone to be with the Lord) was mentally retarded (I hate that word, I wish there was another. I grew up in a time when kids used it fluently and toward each other and it would make my little stomach sick to hear them. The word itself has its place but I even have a hard time using it in context). So one of the sweetest surprises to me was that my brother Scott LOVED Rick from the beginning, and Rick had such ease around him. It was like nothing I had ever seen. Scott still loves Rick, sometimes I think more than me, but that's okay.:)

We came back to school and I felt like I was the only one out of my kin who was unsure. That was different; I had never had that happen before. Well, I don't remember how long I held out, but I know it was a matter of days after returning. We frequented this coffee shop that we just loved because it had a loft with couches and games, and they played jazz or forties music. We were sitting on the couch talking when we just noticed how we were scrunching closer and closer. I think Rick said something to the effect of "have you noticed that" and I responded affirmative. He asked me if this meant anything and I said I thought it did and he said something to the effect that he was glad. It was official, we were dating, and friendship alone was forever in the past tense.

Yes, there will be more!!!!