Reality Blogging Day 2

This will be in bullet point form to save me time and feed my desire for random journaling!:)

• I admit it, I was dreading today because of all the housework from being sick three days. I tried to sleep in but when no one else does it's like a session of torture dozing.


• Coffee...blogging....ah, this is better and I am awake after all. Kids are watching cartoons and enjoying that one box of junk cereal they get a paycheck.


• My head is still clogged as can be and it's been five days now.


• I'm feeling like Jerry Lewis in "the Stooge" when Dean Martin tries to wake him up and he is having a hard time getting going. "here we go....here we go...here we go..." but it's so hard to get going.


• My kids seem to be endless pits on Saturday's for food. I think it's because they are home and taking it easy so they think more about food. They keep coming in and asking what they can eat. How will I ever make it through teen years on this budget? I actually bought my first flat of Ramen noodles which I don't believe in just to fill the cracks on days there is no good thing to give them.


• I get up and go into the kitchen. While feeling better yesterday I managed to grocery shop and make dinner. I did not manage to put away all the groceries and do all the dishes so there was hardly a void anywhere to set my cup of coffee down.


• I was randomly thinking about manners. I've never understood why we follow something as proper when it came from the mind of one human. Who gets to decide what it culturally appropriate or not? After all, they are different in different places. Yet, so many people become nearly religious about manners. I've somewhat failed my girls in pushing manners too much besides the obvious ones I would send rumors about town with. Really, who decides them? I decided I'm rather rebellious.


• Pondered the blog a lot again and was annoyed how much it was bothering me. Told myself to not over think like I do everything else. Wondered what was going on in the heads of others. I do that too much.


• Turned on Johnny Cash and dug into the kitchen. I feel some weird kindred to Johnny Cash. His struggle between conviction and humanity are something I feel in my own skin. Pondered that for a good log while while slicing that 4lb of lunch meat with the slicer I did get to borrow from the neighbor. I was scared to use the thing. I have a fear of blades and getting digits cut off. I think I was rather loudly announcing to my children to not come within three feet of me while I was using the thing. All of a sudden I remembered Johnny Cash's brother got fatally injured using a saw. Suddenly I wondered if I was listening to the wrong music for the job. Swallowed.


• Had the kids do some help with their rooms and the living room. Princess never fails to be so deadly hungry when it's time to work.


• Switched around some mattresses to prepare for the foster child bed to be put up in Superkids room. Gathered up all the things the girls needed to sort though in bags and baskets. Vacuumed their room while they played.


• Watched the lead up stuff to the Kentucky derby (I was born in Louisville) and remembered my girlhood love of horses....wow, they are so beautiful. Did housework in between. The kitchen was still a work in progress.


• Called my mom to check on her and was on the phone at least an hour. I was saddened by how much she has been put through lately. I ask God to give her relief. It's been such a hard two years. I wonder how she can take all the circumstances. I start to ponder how much I feel her age creeping up on her. I feel the weight of sorrow and burdens on her. I long for happier days for her.


• Ponder whether over thinking and intense analyzing of life is a side effect of grief. I don't remember thinking so hard about things or feeling so bold about what I think or feel before Dad died. I try to remember what it was like to not be so intense. Was it an innocence that is gone forever now? An ignorance is bliss kind of thing? I ask myself if I'm just now starting to grieve in my own way. Like some hyper sense is kicking in and it's driving me nuts.


• Consider how the internet brings people so close to each other. Facebook, blogs, twitter. Is it really a good thing we are all so connected? My mother use to say that too many women in one house is a bad thing. The trend of women blogging is so hype right now and I start to wonder if we've all put ourselves in a virtual dwelling. I start to wonder if I want to be just another shouting voice in a crowd or a calm and reflective poet in the corner of the room. I'm leaning toward the latter.


• Superkid and Lilo go out to play and come in soaking wet. What was that all about? Go to the bathroom and strip please and thank you for the puddles in the house. Don't run the faucet outside as long as you please thank you. Do you know daddy pays money for that water?


• Daddy... I miss Rick a lot today. Can I just have a bunch of girlfriends as loving and easy to get along with as my husband? I love this man. What will I ever do if I loose him. I think of my mother again. How did that happen? Could I handle that? Where would I ever find such a kindred spirit again. I hope he gets home soon.


• He calls and says he's done and I tell him I need garbanzo beans and french bread. Oh and I've been craving a beer. Oh, sounds great he says. Nothing heavy I warn, I do have to go to TOPS on Monday and beer is usually on my no, no list.


• When thinking of something fast and easy for dinner since I still had half a kitchen to work on and was on my second load in the dishwasher, I remembered something. Years ago, my friend Donna and her husband invited Rick and I over for dinner. They had two young kids and we had none at that time. We got there and the dinner was iceberg bag salad w/ garbanzo and kidney beans served with a French Bread loaf w/ butter. For dessert we had gram crackers with icing spread on top. This made a big impression on me. My mother hardly ever had people over but if we did it was a big dinner. I was surprised that this salad was all we were having. I knew they were on a tight budget though and was more and more deeply amazed at their generosity to have us over even though things were tight and they did not have a meatloaf or roast to share. It made a permanent impression on me. I've always tried to remember that. I knew they wanted to be with us because we were friends and that was what made the occasion. So, I repeat that dinner now and then because it is a good memory for me. So, we are having gram crackers and icing for dessert. It's a good reason to use up the two half full containers of icing sitting around. I remind myself of my TOPS again and will be having one little piece.


• The girls go in their room after dinner and rock out to their loud Christian girlie music. The modular shakes. Their neighbor friend comes to see if they can play and they go outside to play basketball together. The evening is balmy and clear. The green leaves in the nectarine tree are vibrant and the birds sing the sunset into play.


• Oh, and there was a stray dog in the neighborhood today that the kids played with and begged to keep. I told them he would find his way home and they were sure he would not. I told them to go in and wash their hands with soap and water and not even talk about doggies to me again. I considered taking them up to the chew spot on the house left by Ebony. They would only say that this dog would never do that, he was too sweet.


• Rick and Superkid take a shower and their silly boyish banter rings through the house. A deep voice and a little boyish voice chatting back and forth. I feel so blessed to have a son.


• Emma put on shades at dinner (not sure where they came from) and made cool faces. They all got laughing and Rick had to bring them all back to focus again and again.


• I wonder if I'll ever get everything done, look at the clock which by now says nearly eight and realize the answer is no.


• I realize that this day is coming to an end. No matter what over thinking I've done, what was accomplished or left for later, what the kids gleaned from me or picked up from me, whether things are perfect or hard, whether we have a day of struggling or gliding by, God is purposeful and He is truth. Though I may be distracted by the tossing waves of humanity and it's drama, he is a rock..steady and firm, dependable and sure. All else seems to swirl around in unpredictable chaos but in the middle is the certainty of His wisdom. It is still and I long to be still and rest in it.

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Is It Really "The Happiest Place On Earth"?

We still don't have a computer. After Dell sent ours back refusing to fix it (URG!) we got very busy with our requirements for Fostering and getting ready for a trip to Disneyland!!!

A couple in our church graciously blessed and astounded us with five four day passes for our family at Christmas time. We were so shocked.... I cried. We told the kids on Christmas Eve and I wondered at the time why they were not very excited, as I was. When we were getting ready to go though they were not able to sit still. Lilo was pacing the kitchen with her roller luggage and pillow in hand way before it was time to go out the door. Something occurred to me at that point. Children are such a picture of us all. I thought of their lack of excitement at Christmas and pondered again why they were not elated as they were when we were ready to leave. Are we not the same. God promises us heaven with a ticket bought and payed for by the blood of his precious Son. Yet, we not only do not show excitement, we even forget about it. After all, it's not now right? Now we see the pile of "presents under the tree" and they are the tangible, the here and now, the immediate gratification we so long for. It's the same reason the kids gave a quiet "yeah!" lacking the triumphant exclamations I had expected. They had their presents under the tree for the next morning and a supposed guaranteed trip to ..hello...DISNEYLAND was in the unknown future. We say the same thing to God..."um, I'll take my next cheap thrill here and now please!" Oh, how foolish we are. They also had no idea what to expect since they had never been. They had no maturity of foresight to glean from. If they only knew how that new little toy would pale in comparison to a day of non-stop fun. Yet, we are promised an eternity of absolute joy. We forget, and when we remember, we just can't see the value of the coming bliss, we only see the bling-bling of the present and we run to it because it gives that superficial high. Even Disneyland itself is a difficult thing to come down from. Returning to reality became a longing of mine by the third day. The value and peace of simplicity and every day hard work is factored into our making and actually gives us more joy than adrenaline kicked up thrills. We tire of it quickly and even the most amazing, and most entertaining thrill will need to be topped by something better. Even though I was moved to hear Julie Anderews words at the end of the fireworks show (which is so fun!) and felt my chest swell with a sob to think that my children were given this chance when we cold not have given it to them ourselves, I could not help but see the futility of a child thinking that this wonderful place would indeed make all their dreams come true and be "the happiest place on earth" for them. It is fun, and it is wonderful, and I am so thankful beyond words that God literally gave us this trip through many different gracious and generous hands, I feel the impact of the fact that it is also a "present under the tree" of this life and pales in comparison to the fullness of joy that awaits. So, I thank God for his parental patience with us as His children and his love to give us those gifts anyway at times, and holding back at others. To understand that we cannot possibly know what He holds for us and therefore we foolishly seek such temporal drop-in-the-bucket thrills. I hope my children learn that in their lives. I hope I learn it before the end too! All is enjoyed with open hand, to be taken at any moment without begrudging him the taking because all I have is goodness dropped in the lap of no doing of my own. Nothing is owed me and yet all fullness is promised me. I hope I learn to remember more than I forget. Even that would be seeing things ever so slightly more as they really are. After all, the world is a Fantacyland with wood and paint and special effects. An attempt to create the reality of joy our hearts long for. Over as quickly as it started, happiness fleeting as fast as it came, unpredictable and unsteady. Don't bank on it. It could disappear in a moment and without the Lord and His promises and fullness of joy, we will be left standing in the greatest emptiness we have ever known.

We did have a wonderful time. Lilo was sick the second day and even spiked a fever which frustrated me because we had three weeks of sickness before we left so I thought "oh, no, here we go again and we will have to go on home". She had had a cold, pink eye, and the puke flu before we left. Princess had a fever and cold. Superkid had the puke flu and I got it last right before we were about to go. In the midst of that, Rick and I were trying to get in our CPR and First Aid training, a preliminary walk through and TB test. We are pretty much done with our stuff except for a few toddler locks needed on the cabinets, and a print out of our DMV records. They have 90 days to get us licensed so that puts us being done near the end of the school year.

Oh, I forgot to say that we prayed for her and she was fine the next morning. I think she just got way over worn out. I layed there the night she had been sick and just prayed "Lord, give us wisdom if we need to go home we need to go home but you gave us this trip and if it's your will, let her enjoy the last two days." He did, and she had lot's more fun.

I was ever grateful I do not live in that area though...LA traffic is one of the worst things in the world.

On Borrowed Computer Time

I feel as if I've fallen of the face of the earth when it comes to the blog. I miss you all so much and yet, life without a computer has been good in many ways. The time sucker of wanting to write so much is gone, but the joy of writing is gone too.
It's been good timing, I've been so busy.
Rick and I finished our PRIDE classes for Foster parenting. We are in the process of finalizing the paperwork, Dr. visits, fingerprinting etc. Even if God stopped us here, it's been an educating experience and we have really enjoyed working with people both saved and unsaved. We have made some new relationships that seem as if they will continue on. If we do make it into bringing in a child or sibling group, these support connections with be so great. One couple we bonded with in particular is going into foster care/adopt because they cannot have their own children. We are supposed to be getting together soon. We all hit it off so well.
I put the crib back up and found some great bedding at the thrift store for five bucks. My friend Tricia came over and let me know the bedding was from Johnsons and was originally nearly 200 dollars!!! Wow, score! She use to work there so she would know. I almost forgot how to put the crib together..tee, hee! And! And, it nearly killed my back to do it this time. I'm getting old. Or my back is anyway. Another weird fact to mention was that the hand me down mattress given to us was the EXACT one the kids had and it was a rare one so I was surprised. Who knows, maybe it was ours. So, the crib is complete again and put up in our room. It reminds me to pray for these children whether I get them or not. We don't even know if we will end up with an infant but we are open to a sibling group so it needed to be made ready. Now we are on the hunt for a good hand-me-down twin mattress for Superkid's bottom bunk which is now open for play.
We hope to get to take in a 2-4 year old boy with a possible infant sibling. It's God's adventure for us though, so , we'll let Him write it!:)
The kids are still doing great with school and it continues to be a blessing. I'm up there a lot. Princess is in the throws of finishing a book report and researching for a state report. She is learning the valuable lesson, hard to learn in homeschool, that things are due when they are due, and you can't save it for later because later means too much in the end. It's been hard to see her struggle with this but I know it's important. I was homeschooled a lot in highschool and not learning this well hurt me in college.
Yesterday Lilo had her field trip to see the Monarchs in Pismo. I pulled Superkid out so he could go with us. It was a fun day. Lilo has been sick this week though with a cold and Pink Eye. She started the drops in time to go on the field trip, which she pushed herself to do,but is home feeling rough again today. She has to run to the store with me and then she is going down to get well over the weekend.
Well, I'm afraid this is all the update I have time for today!
Oh, Rick was excited to get to see the bike race come through town yesterday! He is a big fan on the Tour De France and Lance Armstrong so he got a kick out of that. I think when our later years come, biking will be the sport of choice. I think he would look pretty cute in all that get-up. :)
Bless you all! Please say hi! I'll check back when I can to read your notes. I miss everyone so!
alicia

Hey! Stopping In To Say Hi!

I'm at the kids school. School gets out in 20 minutes. I'm hoping to take a few to say hello and give a personal update.
First of all....congrats to Christy and her husband for their new baby! I don't know much except for the fact that the baby is here. Tricia gave me the heads up! I don't get to read blogs either till I get a few hours to crash over at my neighbors and that has not happened yet. Anyway..yeah you guys! I'm so happy for you.

Rick and I have taken 3 sessions of foster parenting classes.

Princess had a HUGE sleepover with three girls from school and one from church. That was exciting....for her. No, really it was fun, we had pizza and played a game and her teacher came, it was great. All the girls went to church with us too...I thought I would never survive getting six girls ready for church but we were.....drum roll please....early! I work well under pressure. :)

About the classes and foster parenting journey....where do I begin!!! Wow, it's been a blessing. It's intense to be trained on what these kids have been through. Last night was our attachment disorder session. Oh, my goodness, it makes you want to save every kid on the planet...now! I have gone through mood swings of self doubt, money fears, fear of people we will be exposed to, fear of the child we take, you name it. I had something recently that the enemy really used to make me even doubt my own parenting skills. BUT GOD!!! Oh, God is good. He reminds me and feeds my mind with truth. He tells me not to fear. He tells me I can trust Him with the details. He fills my heart with desire to give...somehow, to help. Even trying is a step of faith.

We talked to the kids. We told them my history. There are no more secrets at our house. I was so scared how to get it down on the level of Lilo and Superkid but God just stepped in and it all was so simple and came out so clear. I wish I had more time to tell you some of the cute things Superkid said as his brain was turning. We still have a lot of family talking to do. Superkid has had lots of questions. He could not easily fathom the parent who would not care for their child or especially hurt them. It was hard to burst his innocent bubble on that one but until we see the world how it is, we don't feel the pain, hurt and need. I am so thankful for our public school transition for this reason too. It has opened my eyes to need, both spiritual and physical of some children.
They also seemed to understand about my bio-father. It was a little confusing at first. I told them basically what I said here about wanting to honor their Papa by doing what he had done for me. That seemed simple and easy to understand. They are excited. We told them this is a very up in the air type of journey. There is much that will be unexpected and we have to be loving and flexible and extremely laid back to ebb and flow. Thankfully, I think our family, or at least Rick and I are naturally laid back people so perhaps we were made for this type of ministry. We both have a common desire to major on the majors, catch the vision, and then, enjoy life and the diversity it brings. I am so thankful my husband shares this passion as I do, it makes us more of a team. I think my children are developing it in their own way. It's a blessing to see. I want them to understand the huge power of love for people. God knew that and he sent his Son to die from that passion for people. We should imitate his heart.
So, I'm almost out of time. School is out soon and I have to spell check this since I'm awful at it. There is a little boy in Princess class who does not have support much at home and he made honor roll today! I'm taking him a balloon and some new pencils with a congrats note. He is so excited. Pray for him if you think of it today. He has a tough home life.
Hope to be back sooner than later!!

Lilo Turns 8!

Little Lilo turned 8 on Sunday (Dec 14th). She was so excited to have a party this year since she had a new bunch of friends since going to school. She still had her special friends from church and homeschooling too so it turned out to be quite big! The biggest she has ever had I think.
To prepare for the party, the kids colored a big butterfly Rick drew to match her other decorations. They had a good time doing that after they negotiated the colors ever so sibling like.December birthdays are my speciality I guess you could say. One thing you have to do, put up enough birthday stuff to forget it's Christmas for just a few hours anyway!:)The project of the party was to make treasure boxes. I was feeling brave...acrylic paint and all. Those of you who know us know we have a carpeted dining room. I figured as bad as the carpet is all ready, there was little you could do to make it worse. So, bring on the art projects! The butterfly game was fun but we had to put my winter hat on them too because we figured out quick they could see under the bandanna. The goal was to get the antennae on the butterfly. Lilo really wanted a pinata this year. Oh, and her dear teacher Mrs. M came to her party! That was so fun. The dive for candy. Daddy's makeover.:)Digging in to the sugar of course.Present time, present time! I think Lilo got a little spoiled this year. Nana got her a butterfly garden so she can grow butterflies in her room just like Mrs. M does in their classroom! She just has to send off for her caterpillars now. (look at my cute little batman looking on :) Awe, one little guy knew the key to Lilo's heart...Cheetos from TJ's! He also gave her some fruit leather and she has been so excited this week to have these treats in her lunches. Singing happy birthday to the birthday girl. A recent sunset seemed applicable as I've been pensive this morning reflecting these words:

Is this the little girl i carried,
Is this the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older,
When did they?
When did she get to be a beauty,
When did he grow to be so tall?
Wasn't it yesterday when they were small?

Sunrise, sunset ,
Swiftly flow the days.
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers,
Blossoming even as we gaze.

Sunrise, sunset ,
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laden with happiness and tears.

Sometimes You Gotta Let Fate Design A Room

Those of you who read frequently know the girls room has been a quandary for me for a long time. I've been all over the place on ideas, have taken back those shiny comforters for money reasons, and been back to the drawing board so many times. I had a breakthrough one day when cleaning my room and picking up an old 2006 Home Companion magazine. I have had it forever in my stack because I use to have a subscription. I LOVED the wall color. Not for a dinning room as it is shown here, but for the girls room.

So, I went to Home Depot and tried to find something close. The picture above showed me some elements that would make it work. The mantle and table are white, the chairs brass so that gave me the idea of how good it would work with their old French Provincial furniture. I found a color and got my tester quart. I went home and painted a by 2 foot square on the wall in their room. I felt it was too dark, and too purple. Rick like it though. So, I decided to just dig in. I went back for two gallons and painted the room from after I dropped them off at school, till 10 pm at night. They camped out in the living room. After I did the first wall I paniced big time. It was bold, and dark. I knew the girls got a lot of light in their room though so I pressed on in faith.

Once the room was done, we loved it. It was dark, but it was very royal and beautiful. We brought in the furniture and just went "wow!". We had found a wonderful combination.

From there I figured to go with aqua and yellow floral I had found in a beautiful vintage sheet. The plan was to make a duvet and shams and such. The girls room had been lavender and white so although the curtains were still that, I was determined not to do any lavender in the room.

Until this past Thursday. I was at the Goodwill dig with Rick (oh, my goodness, we did so good. We got four boxes for 30 dollars which included: 4 2' square Lego panels which cost 30 bucks almost each new, Scatagories complete, Payday complete, Blues Clues complete, about 8 pairs of jeans for the kids, some funky shirts for funky Lilo, A globe basketball for Superkid, An Army jacket for him to play dress up but that is actually his size, books for Princess, Tupperware, a hanging lamp for my friend who was looking for one, a Nerf gun, a transformer, a vintage suitcase which I use for decorative storage, and more) and going through the fabric and bedding, I came across this beautiful quilt and sham. They were absolutely gorgeous but guess what color they were? Lavender and white. Actually, they are Lilacs. Which is cool, it's one of my favorite flowers but I stood there and went "no, I don't want more lavender!". See, when I change things, I really change them. It's not like me to keep any part of the color scheme the same. Still, this was so pretty, and such a good quality quilt that I decided to grab it and if I hated it I could sell it or give it away. I happened to find two lavender gingham pillowcases that matched perfectly too.

(the wall looks a tad darker in the picture) (don't ya love Lilo's black and white Converse at the foot of the bed! They were given to us fro her brother but she snagged them first. Such an oxymoron to the bedding:)

I came home and washed it with hot water and lots of soap. I mended the two frays in it. I made the bed and stepped back and went "wow, okay, I give in."

And you could not beat the price which was next to nothing. Oh, and those window treatments that I was thinking I would just use till I could make something else, well, they worked perfectly.

Hey, one huge project I don't need to do anymore!

(I'll show the rest of the room when we get it done.)

If You Knew Me, You Would Understand

(first I just have to say about the quiz below...it's very accurate, but.. I don't get physical when I'm mad, and I don't make a habit of cursing! Also, I hope I have some more tender qualities than just those mentioned. I still am wreathing that I'm Betty Davis, she is the one Hollywood woman I would never admire. Humph.)

So, if you knew me, you would know why I get tickled about these things.

I found a vintage Little People for Superkid at the Goodwill Outlet (I call it "the dig" because you dig for things literally). I was so excited just to find the frame. It's not as old as the one Rick and I had growing up which had the chalkboard, but it had a retractable playground that is way cool and it had parts too! That is not usually the case at the dig. So, today I cleaned it up with an old toothbrush and some soft scrub w/ bleach. It is so cute now!

We have a crate of a bunch of vintage little people all ready that he can add to this to have more kids and so on.
The really fun thing about this and a reason I think it was a fun thought of God's that I found it, is that school itself is so new to him this year. He is now going to understand the play and be able to get more out of it. So fun!
Just had to share my other little thrill. I use to have a tradition where I would wrap garland and beads on our dinning room light at Christmas to make a type of holiday chandelier. This year I did not want to do that because I don't want to mess with my new special one .

So, I had all this white garland and had some fun with it. I wrapped it around my entry way lamps instead. It gave the same effect as it did in the dinning room, a rather snowy feel to we deprived California types. A cheap thrill.

When lit they are warm and cozy. The one on the right is shown before I turned the shade around so the overlap is showing of the garland. You want to put that in the back normally. It's very easy to do. You just start a loop and tuck it, wrap around to the top and tuck that. No glue or anything.

Lastly, here are some pics form Thanksgiving day before we left for my mom's. We forgot to take the camera to moms:*.

Superkid cuddling with Shasta. If you are on my facebook, you all ready know this cat hates me. She loves Superkid but she is meaning to give me those evil eyes, trust me. Her brother loves me, so it's not me, right? As I said on facebook, I'm sure she is a dominatrix. She likes him because she knows he is the least in charge in the house. She hates me because I boss her when to get off or down all the time.

Rick watching the parade and playing big legos with Superkid.

Lilo happy in a chair with a bucket of crayons and a notebook.

Princess helping me peel apples. She was so cute in her apron.

Superkid building Diego's treehouse with daddy's help.

I Was Plesantly Surprised

Lilo made a beautiful paper woven place mat with this written on it:
Thank you God

For the world so sweet.
Thank you God.
For the food we eat.
Thank you God.
For the birds that sing.
Thank you God
for everything!
Amen

She did not bring this home from Sunday school, or Awana, no. She brought this home from her Public School second grade class.
Praise the Lord for teachers still brave enough to thank God.
I'll be sending her a note of thanks myself.:)