Such A Time For Spilling Salt

I'm coming by to check in a little and then check back out. Unfortunately I don't have time lately to even share lots of fun stuff and some thoughts about this week.

I've been all over the board emotionally this week. Pensive would be the big one about my country. Totally joyful in trusting God and excited that I'm SURE He is stirring us up to "such a time as this". I can almost feel the wind begin to blow harder. I'm excited about that as the wind started blowing in my own life over two years ago and the stirring of the Holy Spirit in my soul has changed me forever. I look forward to further stirring, further banishing of fear, and further passion to be salt in a culture that is in decay. I look forward to seeing this happen to many move believers as their lives are challenged. I look forward to seeing us not hide and wait for the coming of the Lord, but be engaged AMONG the pagans as it says in Peter. I've been encouraged reading first and second Peter. 2 Peter 2 is telling of the times. I was listening to Focus on The Family the day before election day as I painted the girls room. It was sobering and excellent. Here is the link. It was called "For Such a Time As This".

I've been thinking about the fact that world is building up to truly be hostile toward followers of Christ. Even here in our safe little America. A man has brought many people together of all races, age, income and everyone is excited about that and gathering in mobs to cheer it. There is only one group of people not welcome there in that great mass of "all accepting" individuals and that is us, those who believe the Word of God tells us right from wrong. Those of us who still cringe in our hearts to know this man supports an aborted infant should lay and die after surviving the failed attempt of the abortion process. We live in a world where we call things other than what they are in order to become more comfortable with them. Those who raise their heads and say "it's actually this" will be the unwelcome ones. I fear that that unwelcome spirit will be the birth place for an end time hostility toward Christ followers. I wonder what world my children will be in. I keep thinking "come quickly Lord Jesus" and then I read in 2 Peter that his wait is his own amazing patience that more should come to the truth and his love before he slams his fist down and says "that's it! Enough!". If he can be patient for those he still aches to draw to himself, then I can too and I will get out there to aid Him in reaching them. I have never been more confirmed that I AM to be in the Public School. I hope more Christians return to that mission field. I am excited to walk along this challenging path with my children as be face the culture, engage in it, and discern our way through it with the powerful Word of God. I have been thinking that much of this turn in our culture is a result of our lack, my lack, of passion to put salt in the rot of society. We have been guilty of keeping the salt in the shaker and the light under baskets. I have been guilty. No mater what arena God has us in, we need to bee reaching out and speaking truth like we have nothing to loose and all to gain. Each of us has this little sphere around us, this perimeter of sorts that we ARE capable of obeying God by shining and salting. Are we? I think what is happening in our culture is a sign that we are not. I think it is a sign that Christians are more crippled by fear than anything else, and more faithful in formulas than the power of God. I believe the Holy Spirit is preparing to awaken our souls in perhaps a painful way...by stripping away our false securities. That is when we see what we really hope in, where we are really headed, and what we are really supposed to be doing here. I say bring it on, we need it. I need it. If any verse has become mine from the Lord in the last year it is this: "For He has not given us a spirit of fear but of POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND." I have always had that memorized since childhood to where it began to loose meaning. I have began to understand what it really means and how it really changes my life. The opposite of these qualities of the spirit are FEAR, SELFISHNESS (all forms of self seeking including hiding in comfort zones), AND FRANTIC/ANXIOUS THINKING (worry, distrust of sovereignty , twisted belief of truth etc.).

On my mind also has been a lesson from the Lord to be careful to mind my own business unless I am sharing Him (as apposed to my opinion more so:). I am trying to turn this weeks emotions of wanting to change the world and what has happened to it, to focusing on what I need to do in my own family to just take care of my own. I have been both shocked, and disillusioned for moments at the fact that some christian people I know of, or grew up with, voted for a man who is so blatantly against the very teaching of the Word of God (let alone a bad political choice). That has really slowed down my step a few times. The Lord has reminded me to carry on with the joy and peace of my own walk with Him, and my own business..my family, my husband , my children. I guess it's been a reminder that all the rest (and even all of my own stuff) is in God's hands and not mine. Shocker...eh?:)

I have pondered the life span of this blog lately. What kind of world will it be to blog in? Where there be future concerns for blaring my beliefs across cyberspace? Will it someday put my family in harms way? Does anybody really want to hear it all anyway? I guess I've been tempted to disillusionment on that level as well. I think being too busy to blog has added to it. I think I'm in a burn out mode on the blog for many different reasons.

On the home front we gave my dad's old big oak desk to some friends. That was hard emotionally but good to size down. I was glad it went to my friend so I can visit it now and then. I have so many memories of him sitting at it doing bills. It's a moose though and we are trying to simplify. That along with working on the girls room has cause some moving of furniture and all kinds of stuff is everywhere. AH! So, that is the reason I'm coming and going again. This whole next week will be full of putting things right again. The kids also have four days off! So, that will be fun.

Today Lilo got an amazing award. I'll have pics later. She was chosen as the student of the quarter by her teacher. I made sure to keep it a surprise and since I was in her class today anyway, she did not wonder why I was there. I have a pic to share later. I'm so proud of her. She has been doing so well. They all have. I had my parent teacher meetings this week and all three kids are at the top of their class. Princess is making all A+'s! She does not know it yet, but her teacher told me today that SHE has been chosen the student of the quarter for her class and will be getting her award next Friday. So, I guess she can't read my blog this week:). Amazingly too, Lilo's reading level has jumped from end of second grade to fifth grade level! Oh, my goodness. All that girl needed was a confidence boost and some time in her own element out of the shadow of her sister and she has taken off. Superkid is writing small sentences and reading readers now. When I met with Princess teacher she told me how helpful and attentive Princess is and that it's kids like her that make her want to come in and teach the next day. That was a blessing from the Lord. I give Him the glory that hey are doing so well and blessing those around them. I was in second grade all day today except with lunch with Princess (I'm excited she WANTS to have lunch with me still) and it was, as always, fun to talk to the kids, help grade their papers and help them with ones they got wrong, and rip out pages so the teacher can have them ready to go later. I have so much joy is serving and connecting with the teachers and kids. Every time I'm there I'm impressed with how precious all those children are to the Lord and how much he wants to reach them. Tomorrow we go to a birthday party of a boy in Lilo's class. I don't know this family or the other mom's and families who will be there but this is what I'm talking about. This is something God is bringing into my perimeter, and I'm starting to keep my opportunity eyes open. I am thankful that I get the chance to be among more unsaved who need him, who need hope. The connection of school becomes a catalyst for other opportunities to turn that shaker upside down and start sprinkling the salt. It's done one opportunity at at time, and one person at a time, and I'm learning more and more that building the relationships is the most important because they are the foundation for ministry. Just like missionaries live for years and years AMONG the people to build those foundations with them a they slowly share the good news. It shows them you are not just selling a bill of goods, or trying to convince them of something you think is right, or wanting to check them off your door to door list. You are invested, you are engaged with a concern for their soul and the life they live here and now. How many there are who are AMONG the people of other countries, how few their are who are AMONG the lost of our own culture and times.

What are we afraid of?

I looked at those people cheering on Chicago's "front lawn" and I felt we had abandoned them to their deceptions. We have gone and built our homes away, put up our walls, and hoped for protection from the world until Christ comes. We hope to stay safe and keep safe what is "ours". We have failed do surrender and sacrifice with our faith in God for our "own" (which is not really our own, but His) and we have left them to themselves. I wonder if God is frustrated with us. What started out as a righteous movement to bring our children up right, has become a wall between us and those we are called to reach. If we are called to be home only, we should have a passion to bring them in. But I wonder if many of us are missing a calling to go out. I wonder if God may even use legislation in the future to get Christians back into the trenches of the culture they are so afraid of. The culture they are born in and called to engage. I hope it does not come to that but I wonder if God will use it since we are not going out on our own. I wonder if he will allow many challenges to us to force us to engage the culture. I wonder if he is saddened by our apathy for the decay and deception around us. Do we not realize that without the showing of light, they will not even know they are in utter darkness? Who will show them? Will we leave them to themselves, their road to hell, while we walk our padded road to heaven?

Will we go out to save those of the world and abandon our own countrymen?

So we think we go out unarmed, and our children too? Do we not belive in the armor of God? Do we think it's weak? Do we think our methods stronger?

Can we not raise our own children in truth AND reach out to the many who need Christ as well. Think about it. If we guard our won, and raise them to guard their own, as they guard their own...how many lost will be reached? Are we to breed a kingdom for God, or go out to the ends of the earth and our very streets for those who are to be in the kingdom of God? If we teach them to lead, as we lead however, how many more will be reached?

These are just my thoughts. They are certainly my own ramblings. They are my concerns and it is becuase of the level of this stirring passion within me, and my humbling realization that God works in and through all in different ways, that I have become focused on MY mission. There is work to do. I hope to work. There is a harvest to be gleaned, I hope to glean. I hope to work and glean along side my children and to pray they are impassioned with the mission as well.

It is not my job to convince but to obey my God and his calling for me, and to encouraged those around me to do what his word says and "go" in the way they are called. I do hope to share my heart here.

This quote by Amy at "Amy Writes" was phenomenal to me:

"We, as a Church, seem to have a "Keep God in Schools," but "Keep Christian Kids Out of them," mentality."

The same could be said about the culture in general. We are in this culture, called to THIS time, and not another.

BE ENGAGED.....BE READY.....BE IN THE WORLD AND NOT OF IT.......BE FEARLESS......BE PASSIONATE FOR TRUTH....

BE CHRIST, FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS.

NO WAY! I just posted this link on my facebook status and this was the set of code words (usually random) given me to allow my link to be put up : "vigilant revival".
No, way...too weird....

A Burden To Support Christian Public School Moms

I'm sitting here getting ready to blog this and just awestruck to be here. The person I was a year ago would not only gasp at the change, she would have legalistically condemned it. I just can't believe the journey God has me on. It went from hating the public schools and absolutely sure it was not an option (or further more, a great evil) to sending my kids, to being involved there, and now to a burden I'm developing for christian mom's out there in the schools as well.

This burden is growing as I've slowly been reading vibes out there in the christian world on the subject of school. In researching I have found shocking opinions from christian people on public school. This one down right disturbed me. One man said to the Pitchard Family who wrote the book "Going Public: Your Child Can Thrive In Public School":

"You will lead millions straight to hell by encouraging them to go to government schools!"

Wow, I never knew there was such hostility out there toward our fellow believers. Since when did God get so small that He is unable to sanctify our children when they are in the public arena? Is He only in charge when we are keeping them at home? Does this mean that homeschool sends every child to heaven? Let's think about what were are saying here people. We are in the world and Jesus does not want us to be removed from it:

John 17:15

"I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one.

Of course the world is evil! What do we expect?

1 John 5:19

We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.

1 John 4:3-5

But when someone doesn't say this about Jesus, you know that person has a spirit that doesn't come from God and is the enemy of Christ. You knew that this enemy was coming into the world and now is already here.
4Children, you belong to God, and you have defeated these enemies. God's Spirit is in you and is more powerful than the one that is in the world. 5These enemies belong to this world, and the world listens to them, because they speak its language.

We have a victor, and we do not need to fear or hide!

1 John 5:4-5

whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?

John 16:33

These things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye may have peace. In the world ye have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

This thinking of always hiding away is a slippery slope when we carry it all the way through. Should we all just congregate and live together not exposing ourselves at all to the world? No? Just the the kids because they are the vulnerable ones right? Well, the fact is, we are all vulnerable and we all need to be strengthened in God's truth and learn to stand up for His gospel. Whether we are 5 or 95. Otherwise we will start looking more like a cult than Gospel. Good news is not meant to be kept to ones self. Otherwise it is news to no one.

If you are so called, you children, my children, can learn these truths as they grow up in the world just as thoroughly (if not more so) than if we shelter them from it for 18 years. Further more, if God calls you to keep them at home, he has a special purpose for doing that as well. What I have a problem with is Christians saying there is one formula to godliness in the area of schooling. God certainly puts limits on us, we are NOT to put limits on Him.

Many of us need to ask if we are answering God's call or just following a "look good" christian movement. More than anything we need to be saturated with the fact that God is bigger than the world and He will use everything for His glory in our children if they are called. We need to ask ourselves if we are putting our faith in a formula, or our faith in Him. Our faith is small when we put limits on God. Our faith is big the bigger we see God. Without faith, it is impossible to please Him. Therefore homeschooling without faith, is not pleasing to God.

The fact is, I don't want to start a movement away from anything, including homeschooling. I want to start a movement toward something. God's will for women and their families. I don't understand, the more I read, why people think they are on different sides of the fence when they are all in the body of Christ. I don't' know why I thought that. I hope to save others from my dogmatic thinking. I hope to encourage a spirit of unity and help quiet the "mommy wars" on this subject. I don't even really understand why I've been given this burden but it's there let me tell ya. A woman should never have to feel condemned for not homeschooling, or even having to work for that matter, but that's another topic for another blog. If homeschool women are so legalistic in their writings that women in the schools are beginning to feel that way, then something is wrong. The encouraging of one another is not taking place. We have taken our eyes off Christ and put them on ourselves. Yes, even in the homeschool world personified by great "godliness" is taking it's eyes of Christ when it does this. I am not immune to it either let me tell you. Even when God called us to the public school I felt for a while so convinced that this was really the mission, I started to feel that my homeschool friends should join me. The Lord right away corrected this thinking and has set me on a path to pursuing encouragement for women in their intimate relationship with God and the individuals He created them to be. I am very much an all or nothing person. God does not work that way with people because as the orchestrator he has designed each for it's unique purpose and with it's own gifts. To say that everyone should do what I do is looking at one person...ME.

I do think there may be women out there who are not doing well with the homeschooling but feel there is no other option because public school would be wrong. After all, that is what has been preached to them out loud, and in a much more powerful undertone. Those are the women I want to talk to here. I was one of those women. Perhaps they feel like failures and their children are miserable. Perhaps they jump from one method to another only to find themselves still overwhelmed with no energy for the children outside of getting school done, and no energy for their husbands at the end of the day. Perhaps they play the TV all afternoon to get a break. Perhaps they dread the coming of the new day because of how hard it is. Yet, they think they are just not spiritual enough and need to try harder. They need to be more unselfish. Perhaps God wants them in the public schools, but when they think of it they think that's selfish of them, or that there is no way that can be because the public school is not godly. Surely, homeschooling is the godly choice, no matter how miserable they all were. That woman was me.

Or, perhaps there are women out there who are in the public school and they wear a burden of guilt because of the persona that real godly women homeschool. Since they don't, they feel insecure and they consider themselves bad mom's.

When will we stop measuring ourselves and let God be God?

When will we stop saying there are things we would never consider an option and seek God in prayer for his will every step of the way?

When will we stop looking to formulas and look to God?

When will we stop acting like we are on different sides of a river when we are all actually in same the river flowing up to the glory of God and His purposes.

Why do we feel that if God wants something for us, he must want it for everyone?

This is the boldest statement I've made thus far on this journey but it's burden the Lord has given me. Before I say it, I want to remind the readers that I am certain that God calls women to homeschool. That is absolutely certain and they are in God's will when they have sought Him and obeyed.

Still:

I believe the enemy is thrilled that all the Christians have left the public schools.

I never saw this before till now. He must be elated we have all left to huddle in our own masses. We are no longer a threat to his moving and working among all those children and families who don't know Christ. Legalism is not of God and therefore a tool of the enemy to direct us away from His will. He will use even this to take our eyes off God and to make us ineffective in the world.

So, this message is for one type of mom. The mom who's husband and she are restless in homeschooling and wondering what to do. Pray, and ask God if you might be called to be a bold and brave mom in the public school.

Also, for the mom who has been called there. Do not be discouraged. Seek out MORE ways to be involved. To be Christ to those kids and teachers and parents.

I want to thank my personal friends (all of whom homeschool) who have been so gracious to me in this change the Lord has led me on. A year ago, I don't know if I could have been as gracious as you have been if you told me you were moving into public school. God has humbled me greatly through your testimony to me. After seeing how much is out there that is pridefully condemning, I am blessed so much by the sisters around me! I pray God continues to work out his unique purposes in each of your families.

To those who I know, and who have commented that they have children still not ready for school, I found your statements wise. You are absolutely right to wait upon the Lord and seek Him when the time comes. In fact, you should continue that for the next near 18 years of each child's life. To say now that you don't know what you'll do is the best place to be. I use to say a lot that I will do this, and I will do it forever. Oh, God humors me. :) I have learned to say only one thing:

I will do what God wants, when He let's me know to do it. More than anything, I will remember always how big he is and how great my tendency is to put human limits on Him. God is big, I am small....and that's just the way I like it!

I am going to create today a section on the sidebar for links for women in the public schools. It will be blogs of mom's who are out there and have a heart for the glory of God as well. There will be a link for the Pitchard family as well, and information about their book.

I will also be starting a new element here on the blog. I'm calling it "Seek the Lord in Schooling Saturday". Saturday will be a day I may share updates, and prayer concerns. I encourage readers to post comment if you have any specific praises or prayer concerns for your school week. Homeschool, Christian school, Public School....each and every one.

Thank you to you mom's who have agreed to be links on the new blog list, and welcome!

Influence On Children Can Come From Anywhere God Allows

I admit, sometimes I want to stick my head in the sand and keep it there. On the issue of h*m*s*xuality, sticking my head in the sand is what I'm all about. I don't' like to talk about it, be exposed to it, admit that my world is full of it...nothing. I'm not saying I like that I'm in denial. I get greatly disturbed at the things the enemy makes vile that God made good. I feel great when things are as he created to be. So, I just don't like that it's so blatantly supported when it's just not supposed to be.
So, you can imagine my growing anxiety when God led us to the public schools. On my top three fears was the innocence broken when it came to marriage and family. I did not want to see my kids worlds forever interrupted by this knowledge. He convicted me (as our testimony linked below indicates) over and over (through the discipleship from Tami Rutledge as well) that these things were in his hand. Still, I figured that my 5th grader especially would only make it a day before she was exposed. I spoke with her before school about the birds and the bees and everything in between. The way God made it to be. I figured I'd take a few days break before explaining how sin had messed it up. Yet, I was led to not bring it up yet. What I had all ready given her was a lot to digest. Honestly, time passed and the weeks went by.
Well, God has a sense of humor so I guess I should too.
Yesterday was the day. I thought "well, there you go, we made it nearly a month and a half before it came up.
We were sitting at dinner and Princess mentioned that a girl in her class got a detention for being rude to the teacher. One of the kids thought the little girl had called her teacher "gay". I nearly choke on my food and immediately look up at my husband with wide eyes also to warn him not to inquire in front of the seven and five year old. He doesn't get it and says something inquisitive. Lilo chimes in "Gay? Doesn't gay mean happy? Why would she get in trouble for that?" I make even bigger eyes at my husband and start back peddling when Princess says "yes, and I know what else it means."
Gulp is all I remember.
I continue back peddling attempts "yes, gay does mean happy Lilo..... (to Princess) "I would like to talk to you after dinner but you are not to continue on this subject right now"
We bring up another topic real quick.
The part that was writhing in my head was that she all ready knew something I did not tell her yet. Great, I thought, they beat me to it after all. Bad, bad parent. Yeah, Public school, thank you very much.
My attitude first of all was not right. I am responsible to present these things to my children and not blame them on anything getting there before me. If it does, I have to remember that God is sovereign.
Rick comes into the kitchen to tell me that he remembers Princess telling him before that this certain homeschooler we know had told her about what gay was. I'm thinking "and you didn't think this was worth alerting me to, or addressing??!!!" Okay, deep breath Alicia, men don't always think these things are worth a big fuss like I always do.
I pulled her aside in my room later so we could talk. I was dreading it like you would not believe. I wished this day would never come. I really did.
Yes, it turns out the knowledge was given to her by this homeschool friend. The word gay came up in conversation and this child took the liberty to explain to Princess that gay was when a man was married to a man and lesbian was when a woman was married to a woman. (I'm thinking "married!" what?!!)
We proceeded to have more conversation and explaining. I told her that this child should have said at that point "you need to ask your mom and dad about that" and that was what I wanted her to do if she ever came across any child who asked her what "gay" was. I told her that it was my fault that she did not hear it from me first. I knew that with her going to school I needed to explain it. To this she chimes in:
"nobody ever talks about it at school though"
Well, wha-do-ya-know.
My big fear was something that came from a setting I assumed formerly was secure. Well, there is no such thing anymore. I have to remember that God orchestrates these things and He has reasons for his timing and place.
Honestly I just find in highly ironic.

My Own Story Regarding School

Thank you for those of you who have shared your stories. If you have not shared yet, please do. It has been fun to read your journeys. Go here to share. I gleaned two things so far from your sharing. (1) We will have joy and delight in what God's will is for us, and (2) Christian women need to be secure in where God has led them and spill out joy and encouragement to their sisters in each path God has for them. I think the second one is profound in our journey to glorify God. We never know where God may lead us, we should always be open to his leading for each child, and each year. Even where I sit, being in the public school, I have no idea where God will have us in the future. I should have had that same attitude while homeschooling. I should have had a bigger view of God regarding those who did anything other than homeschooling. I am thankful God used this journey to show me how boxed in I had made Him.

Brianna asked a good question. Why did we leave homeschooling.(oh, and yes Brianna, that was the book I was referring to..more on that later!) I can answer you in one sentence but it's nutty. God told us to. That sounds so crazy, but it's absolutely true. There is a lot that goes into that that I want to get to this week, but since there are some new readers here, you may want to start with catching up on our testimony.

Alicia It's Time To Share from May 27th, 2008

Sharing Part 2 from May 28th, 2008

Sharing Part 3: One Body Many Parts from May 29th, 2008

Sharing Part 4: "If You Are Living This Way, STOP NOW!" from May 30th, 2008

Pursuing The Beauty of Unity from June 1, 2008

What Exactly Was It I Was Supposed To STOP? from June 1, 2008

Updates On The Journey from June 3rd, 2008

My Story:

My life has always been jumbled. If anyone has run the gamut on school, I think it's me. The only thing I have not done is boarding school.

I entered kindergarten at 4 in a private Christan ACE school. I was in ACE schools from there until 4th grade. I did not really enjoy these schools because I am highly social and the structure of ACE is for kids to be at their desks with dividers and doing booklets called "paces" for each subject. There is no teacher, not group discussion, no activities that I remember. It was as boring as could be for me. I tend to learn hands-on and this structure was anything but hands--on or interactive. There were only monitors who walked around and answered your questions. You put up a little flag if you needed help, you did not even raise your hand.

In the midst of this time my family re-located from Indiana to California. Though ACE was not as common here, my parents unfortunately found one for me to attend. It was worse than all the others. I was always glad when school was out and I could take off my itchy uniform and put on my play clothes. I always felt so free when school was over.

I was only there for one year (not sure why, I'll have to ask my mom) and then they put me in public school. I was elated from what I can remember. It was so fun to interact with other kids and a teacher. I don't remember liking my 4th grade teacher too much, but I liked the school work, and I liked making friends. 5th grade was one of my favorite years. I had a teacher who had two boa constrictors in the classroom and he would let them out, and we could watch them eat mice if we wanted. I was such a tomboy, this was right up my alley. We all sat on our desks and they slithered around going after the mouse. I do like mice though but I've always understood the need for the food chain and that things die to feed another. My dad being really into guns and squirrel annihilation kinda helped with my outlook. This teacher, Mr.Howland I think his name was, had a store for us to spend points we earned. I loved that, and was highly motivated by it. We read "The Phantom Tollbooth" that year, and it's still one of my favorite books.

My parents moved again in this time, and my family was in a very bad car accident in which my mom nearly died. The Lord used school to keep me busy and well adjusted in a hard time for my family. We were living in a motel while waiting for a home to be built in the north part of our county where we would be re-locating to. I was 10.

When we moved, my parents put me in our main local christian school around here. I repeated fifth grade because at the time they were saying that if you started school too early (as I did at 4) then you should take a year again. I hated the christian school. I was more teased there than anywhere I had ever been. The kids were just down right snots. I had one good friend and even she was wish washy. I liked my teacher, but that was it. My mom took me out within a few months. Into homeschool I went.

My homeschool experience was not good. I think my mom would agree. I have to give her credit, she tried with all her might. They both wanted what was really best for me. I was so bored and lonely. My only sibling is six years older than me and he is disabled so I had no one to talk to except my mom, and I think at that age, she could only take enough of me. I use to hang out after doing my school work, in my playhouse and talk to my cat Thomas all afternoon. I hated homeschooling. Every now and then, we would do an outing that would be fun but not often. My mom and I got along worse in those years than I can ever remember. She was trying so hard, but completely overwhelmed. Since we could not get along during school, we did not relate much the rest of the day. We had had enough of each other. This carried on for 6th, and 1/2 of 7th.

Half way through 7th grade, they put me in the school my kids are in now. It was a tough adjustment for me. I was at a different place in my life than the last time I had been in school. My parents did not let me do, wear, or listen to any of the things the other kids (rightly so in many regards) did and I was a definite outsider from the get-go. I had one good friend, Cheryl, and we stayed best friends all through Jr. High.

Diving into this after not having a good relationship with my mom for years and at such a vulnerable time in my growing up, sent me into some real quiet rebellion through Jr. High. I never did anything big, but I was not focused on growing spiritually. I do remember sharing Jesus with my friend Cheryl. I was not close to my parents, and I was not too secure in school either. It was a hard time.

Academically, I developed a love for poetry and literature during this time. I made a challenge to myself to be the one who could recite the longest poem in class. I did "The Highway Man", "The Lady Of Shallot" and when everyone was thinking that was the limit for sure, I topped it with "The Tell Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe and recited it all. Those were fun days. I was not appreciated for being popular but I was known as the poetry queen and that suited me just fine. I began writing too at this time and my teacher Mrs. Rogers highly encouraged my writing. I lost myself in poetry for long time. It was somewhere I could be myself.

It was at this time that I began to struggle in math terribly. It has never been my strong suit. This is where I met Mr.E who is still at the school teaching 3rd grade, and who's wife is now teaching my kindergartner. Mr. E was a christian man full of the joy of the Lord and he encouraged me like no one else. He made me visualize things, and he made me smile. I was still having a rough time at home with my relationship with my parents and he kept me from feeling totally down on myself in some areas in my life. I think my parents were beginning to feel a real loss of how to keep me in the right direction and they just squeezed harder as a result. There was not a lot of joy in our relationships and I grew more and more discouraged with my abilities and how I measured up. Mr. E cheered anytime I got something right and was patient and helpful when I didn't get it. He gave me a real needed boost at the time.

I went on a summer to Teen Missions to Honduras. God was starting to break through the ice. I had developed a real problem with "godly" authority figures when they were heavy on being critical. I huffed and puffed my way through all the memorizing scripture and bible learning on the mission trip. God had a sense of humor though, he knew he would not let His word return void in my life.

The next year was High School. My parents moved me again to another town. A small one, and I went to the public high school. I fell way behind in math. There was no help for me as I did not get the algebra concepts and the class just moved on. This is one big complaint I have against the public school at the time, and still am on the look out for. I was getting left behind. All other subjects were fine for me. Socially I did not get into any trouble or anything. I did scare my parents half to death by having non-christian boyfriends. Thankfully, the Lord kept me from anything big and most of that was because my parents did not let me date. Any interaction between myself and a young man was at school (which was not much) or at my parents house (which I only remember one time having a guy come over).

That summer, I went back to Teen Missions on a Russian team. That summer changed my life. I saw the world as much bigger, and I saw God as much more real. What I had been taught became my own conviciton and from that point on, I had given my own life to Christ. I came home and asked my mom to homeschool me. It was way too much culture shock for me to come form that to the petty High School drama and selfish pursuits of many. I also had grown in my desire for purity in relationships and was no longer interested in wasting my time on boys who were going nowhere spiritually.

My mom had me do my sophomores and junior year in one. By then, it was popular to enter college ASAP! The whole rave were all the smart homeschoolers who could go off to college at eight. I stayed pretty focused on school and I started working. I had no friends except one who was a guy in my Sunday school.

That became really hard my senior year. I did not have time to think about it much though since I was working and doing school. As the year went buy, it started to wear on me though and I wanted out of Dodge. The homeschooling got majorly boring to me again especially without the social outlet. My mom was also working part time so I was left with my school to do list and that was that.

The big element that I lacked at this time was discipline. I did not learn to be up at a certain time, be on time to class, be on time to turn in work. The only thing that was structured in my life though was being to work on time.

I went off to college at 17, to Taylor University. Looking back, that was way too young. I did not care about the academics at all, I was there in my mind, to make up for two years of no social life. I was not good at being anywhere on time, missed many classes, and did not focus on when to have work done. I don't know how I even got through the year now that I think about it.

My parents could not afford for me to go so far away so they sent me the second year to The Master's College. I was much more focused on school this year but not near what I should have been, and my bad accountability habits still ruled my life. I did meet some great christian friends and even Rick while there, but school was not the best.

From there, I got engaged, married, and had a honeymoon baby girl. I have learned more through life and circumstances that I ever did before. I am not an academic to this day. God used most of my school years to bring me to my need for Him. My greatest regret is that my relationships at home could have been better. That is what I really needed. I know both my parents tried very hard. They always wanted to do what was right, but we were not close. They had a disabled child this whole time that took a lot of their energy so our situation was a little different than some. Seeing this happen in mine and my mom's relationship allowed a real alert system when I started to see it happen to me with homeschooling. For a long time I told myself I just needed to pray more, and to try harder. I needed to focus on Christ and the homeschool thing would go right. It did not get much better. So, I beat myself up for a long time. I fell into a deep legalistic motivation for my homeschooling. I never considered letting go and letting God lead. He had to actually step in and turn me away from where I was headed. He called me out of something that seemed good to me for the greater purpose of His will.

I long more than anything, to focus on being a mommy. To have those relationships be the most important thing to me. To put nothing before them, even homeschooling. On the other side of God taking us out of the homeschool arena for now, I realize that my road was becoming much like my mom's. I was becoming so exhausted with the homeschooling, that I had no time or energy left to be mommy. Just mommy. I don't want anything to clog up the channels between my children and myself. I think some moms are good at managing both, and I desperately wanted to. I am thankful that God knew me more than I knew myself. I'm thankful that he humbled me to admit my limits and not blame it on my lack of spirituality. I needed him to move where I could not, and He was faithful to do that.

A lot of my story sounds very negative. It was all used for the good. It was hard though. Overall, I enjoyed public school more but oddly enough, the reasons are not academic. Perhaps God had me go through these things so that I would have a burden for relationships over many other earthly pursuits. My parents and I have had some tough roads together, but they had some even tougher roads that they came from. I know more about that than I ever did growing up and I'm amazed we've weathered things as well as we have. My mom and I are very close now, and I know as mom how hard it really is. I have all grace for her now and hope my girls call me up with the same someday.

Some things that I loved from your sharing:

Daja said:

"I adored being homeschooled and love homeschooling now."

I'm so blessed by this. I love when mom's are "adoring" homeschooling. It took me a long time to get over being mad that I was not adoring it. Now, God has shown me why I was not. I think that when you are in God' s will, you will have joy. Not happiness, not things going perfect, but joy. You will "adore" being where he wants you. I am so glad Daja has good memories of it and is passing that joy on to her kids.

Katy said:

"My mom was very involved both as "room mom" and as PTA president throughout elementary school. I think her involvement made all the difference in my education. "

This again reflected the important involvement of mommy. It's great that in America, a mom can be in the public school, and be very involved. It also keeps that channel between home and school, open and joyful. Loved that, and it encouraged me to press on in the joyful mission to be at the school every Friday.:)

Kristen said:

(after sharing that she did public school and loved it)

"oh, but i did do homeschool (with a tutor and with my mom) during my really sick years, which were 6th through 9th grade, adding some public school in here and there for a class or so as i was doing better. that really, really solidified my independence and my desire to follow God rather than the peer pressure."

This blesses me too. The intimate plan of God to use your illness as a precious time to get your attention spiritually. God did that for me through those mission trips. He can use anything to orchestrate our upbringing. It is good to remember that he will move us where he needs to be at the time of his choosing.

Brianna said:

"God is working in the public schools. No government can take Him out. There are children, parents and teachers who love the Lord and who are following His call on their life. No matter what type of school you do, what is happening in your home will affect the child most."

That is important to remember, and to stay at the forefront of our minds.

Civilla said:

"The sites I go to are SO dogmatic about homeschooling. You MUST do it, or you don't love your children and are not really a Christian. Maybe it is an over-reaction to the criticism they get. I wish we could stop the "mommy wars" and affirm each other and support each other."

I hate to say, that I was one of those women. If I have learned anything, let it be that God works in many ways and by many means. May I NEVER put him in a box again! It's exactly what I had begun to believe..that I MUST do it, and that if I didn't I was not loving my children. That leaves no room for seeking God for what HE wants, for truly, that is the only thing I MUST do unashamedly!!!

I also appreciate the reference to supporting each other. I hope every public school mom with affirm and support her sisters called to school at home. I hope that every homeschool mom will also affirm and support those sisters whom God has called to the public school , or the christian school. We will have great joy for seeking God's good for each other and seeing Him work.

My SIL Joan said:

"I think that really each family must do what is best for them, and if the kids are getting the time, attention, and shepherding they need at home, that's the important thing."

And that, I must say, is the best closing statement I can use!

Public School: Demasking of the Monster That Was

This week has been fun, exhausting, stimulating, and HOT! I thought it was hot a few days ago, but it wasn't. Today, it's hot. The streets are silent. Lilo and Superkid are sound asleep taking that much needed nap, and Princess is playing Mario. Rick is all ready home, and I'm glad cause not even the mailman should have to endure this.
BTW, it's 107 at 4pm!

So.....how is it going?
It's going very well! Great actually. The girls first day Lilo came out with a big grin on her face and lots to tell. Princess was tired but she was tired on Sunday from a week of camp and she never really got to catch up from vacation, to camp, to school, then add the heat.

(we made peanut butter cookies on Monday, the girls first day...my little helping chef)

(Superkid did something amazing, something you could never do if you tried. He managed to crack the egg over the bowl but only get the shell in the all ready going butter and sugar, and the yolk all complete on the counter! Mommy had to spend the next five minutes picking out shell pieces after she quickly tried to turn the mixer off before it was all worked in!)

Superkid had his first day of kindergarten on Tuesday. If you have been following the blog, you know that his teacher is the wife of an old favorite teacher of mine. He did not talk about going to school much all summer. He was neither excited nor apparently apprehensive. Then, on Monday, while the girls were in their first day, he began making some revealing statements like "Mommy, I don't know how to learn". I could tell that he somehow thought he had to know what the girls knew to be up at the school, and was nervous he would be the only one who didn't understand or couldn't do....whatever. I tried to assure him with my words and he listened but I was a little worried all of a sudden what the next day was going to be like. Then, at 2pm, we had to be up at the school for his little kindergarten assessment. It was a short test with one of the kindergarten teachers to get an idea of what each child is coming in to the year all ready knowing, or not knowing at all. (doing the pointy-finger-happy-dance while jumping out of the van for the first day of kindergarten)

(Showing Lilo where the Library is, since he found it the day before walking around with mommy)

(caught mid-air in a happy skip down the halls....yes, my son skips sometimes:*)

Superkid went right over across the room to the teacher and sat down, he seemed confident to be starting. That right there made me feel better. Then, when he was done taking the test, the teacher gave me a big hearty thumbs up so I knew he had done well. I came on over and she let us know together that he was really above where he needed to be all ready. That made him smile, and he was eager to go to school after that. He even went home and asked me to pull out worksheets so he could do them.
Each day I'm asking the kids what their favorite part of the day is (this is our cookies and milk time at the table, when they also had me any papers and let me know what they need to do) and what the hardest part was.

(name changed for blog:)

The first day Lilo said that nothing was hard, and there was nothing she didn't like. I am absolutely thrilled with her teacher who blessed me by thanking us for letting Lilo be in her class. Lilo loves school now....that is something! I knew when we met this teacher, that they would hit it off well, and they have. (Superkid and Mrs.E)

I knew Superkid was adjusting well when on the second day of school he saw his teacher in the distance and said excitedly "Hello Mrs. E....!" He does not usually greet openly anyone he does not feel real comfortable with. He has been enjoying that he knows a lot of the stuff so far, but feeling stretched to learn his name in lowercase letters since he is so comfortable writing in

(getting his intro picture taken)

capitols. I don't remember ever using lower case in kindergarten but they move faster now days on some things. They have play time too and he loves the big playhouse in the classroom where he can play cook pizza between lessons. I was blessed that on a board introducing herself with pics of her and her family Mrs. E had for her favorite book: The Bible, and on her other picture "God made me special". Nice to see boldness in the public school.
Princess has had the biggest adjustment I would say. She told me she loves it and would not go back, but she has had different challenges. A little boy who likes her and tried to pinch her cheek like a mommy would a cute baby's...not cool. The teacher reminded the kids that they need to all keep their hands to themselves and respect other peoples space, but the next day he tried to poke her. So, this little guy is getting in trouble very early on. He is not being mean to her, just trying to get her attention (like boys use to pull ponytails way back in our day, I guess). I told her that under no circumstance is anyone to lay a hand on her personage whether to be funny or else. She was bold enough to let the teacher know the second time and I told her I was proud of her for handling it. She was put as a barrier between two chatty girls as well, because she was the one quiet and paying attention. I warned her to look out for the chatty one trying to talk to her instead, but we have not had a problem. So, when she gets her turn to share what was great and what was hard, the certain little boy is always the subject of the annoyance of the day.

For homeschooling kids, they have made the transition miraculously so far and I am so thankful.
I thank God for the way they are excited and doing well.

For me there have been other adjustments. Though my schedule is not fully kid free during school hours as Superkid is only in school right now from 8:25-11:20, the few hours at home have been a very focused time and they go fast. I do feel in my element and reassured for this time that this is where we are supposed to be.
Socially it has had it's challenges. It is strange to take off a hat that use to match others and now does not. Some of my friends have proven to be deep sisters and moved along with me, if not further in our journey as friends as they have prayed for us and encouraged us to follow the Lord's lead no matter where he takes us. Others seem to not know what to talk to me about anymore and avoid the subject of school. I try to battle out in my head...."don't read in to it Alicia, trust in God, he has lead you, and He is faithful". Yet, I feel like some Christian's think this a very nonspiritual thing (and that's again, me worried about what man thinks, not God....."but it's a Christian man God...isn't that more important!?"). When someone turns to homeschooling there is usually silent applause for being so self-sacrificing, and doing the "best". When you are called out it sometimes feels like only God and few friends and family are cheering you on. Sorry for venting, but I have to remind myself, I'm allowed, it's my blog.
I just feel the change brutally at times, and more than that, I feel like the decision does not make logical "spiritual" sense.
Yet, the Lord has encouraged me greatly the last few days. I have been reminded of how important it is for Christians to not seclude and hide away, therefore removing all salt from the earth. I use to think that our family being salt and light in the public school was actually more like sacrificing my children to wolves. That they should be coddled and protected from all non-christian thinking and worldview until they were old enough to be sent off and then enter that world. I still stand by my former mention that I don't believe in entering the public school for the motivation of being salt and light alone. What do I mean by that then, and why does it sound like I'm contradicting myself? Well, I'll explain.

You could spin your globe and finger point to any place on the planet inhabited by humanity and say that you should go there because there are people who need the gospel. You would be right, and your reasons would be right, but does at mean you should go there? No, definitely not. Why should you go then? Only if you are called by God to go. Does he call people into the public school? Yes. Does he call people to Africa? Yes. Does he call people to homeschool? Yes. In all cases, he calls us all to look for every opportunity to be salt and light in this dark world when we are within the situation he has all ready called us to. That is how I speak of it, after the fact of the calling to be here. Now that we have been called to the public school, our conversation to our kids is very thick with the subject of being salt and light, and it is exhilarating and fulfilling to anticipate what God will do now that He has us here. That is where he spirit of fear is abolished just like those called to the dangers of India and Africa go boldly. If God is for us, who can be against us!

The fact is, I don't think there is one formula for all families, well, there is.....it's called pray, and follow God's leading, and be bold. I do think, after entering the public arena and feeling the change after being so secluded after so many years, that families who do homeschool may want to make an effort to be in some arenas where they and their children have the chance to be light and practice standing up for their faith, and sharing it. Seasoning the world with the good news is after all our great commission from Jesus and he said to "go out" not to "hide and wait till it's over". I know that sounds like a stark statement but I don't mean it as a slam to homeschoolers, just as an encouragement to us all look for those opportunities either way. You could be in the public school and still hide out, but it would eventually lead to compromise since you are out there, and visable.
Princess was asked by another classmate if she was a Christian on the first day of school. I was surprised that someone else beat her to the subject. She was glad to make a Christian friend. The next day Princess came home and asked me what I thought of her setting up an accountability with her new friend for them to read a chapter in their bibles every day. I said I thought that sounded great! What amazed me was, that as a ten year old, she followed through and she and this friend are doing that very plan.
Myself, I found little baby steps today of how I can look for those opportunities to build relationships. I was in line at a check out in town and one of Superkid's fellow kindergarten kids spotted him and said hi. They stood their chatting and I got to say a few words to the little one's mom. Then the lady behind her asked me if he went to (blank) school. I said yes, and that I had two others up there too. She went on to tell me she had two up there and was very talkative from there. In an few moments in line, I was able to make a connection with her I would not have been able to make before. Being around the school every day you tend to see some of the adults on a regular basis. I knew I would probably see her again, and now we have had an ice breaking conversation. I don't know who she is, but God does. I don't know if I'll talk to her more, but He does. I do know that we are out there and I can feel it! I can feel the boldness to grasp every opportunity to greet and show love to people in the every day of life. To be a friend. To reach out. It comes naturally to me to do that and I have been pondering if that is why the Lord has put this change in our lives, because He knows we will speak boldly and joyfully of Him whenever we get the opportunities. Each one of my children tend to be sociably outgoing in this way as well and I all ready see the blossoming in this new journey. Leading them through this won't be easy, but it will make us strong if we go to the Lord about all of it and ask Him to guide. I like this verse shared by an author on the Sojourners Journal listed on my blog roll.

John 17: 15-17 "I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.”
(taken from this post on public school)
This song on christian radio has spoken to my heart lately:
"Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
again
again
yeah
yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
To ashamed to tell his wife
Hes out of work
Hes buying time
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus

Ive Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all aloneChorus (x2)

The Glasses That See God Move

They are essentially eyes of faith. When you step out into something scary, sometimes alone, with the insanity of a person trying to walk on water, you need your faith glasses. I've had mine on and they have allowed me to see God move and bless on this journey from homeschool to the public school. This post is for the purpose of testimony about those and a small update at the end.

Further Messages Changing My Life
Again, our family ministries director, Shane (shows our pastor first, then scroll down a bit) has been pumping out powerful messages still. I have wanted to highlight some of what has been profound to me but I'm not having as much blogging time lately. I referred to one a while back on this post. The next two were just as profound:
Wretched Sinners Living Righteously Galatians 3:1-5
Son's and Daughters of Almighty God Galatians 3:23- 4:7

These messages have been fertilizer to my spiritual growth and further love of God breaking the chains of works I put around myself for years. Further shattering of my "ME" idol, more blowing up how BIG God is and how fulfilling HIS will is.

A Joy Filled Friend
I have been paranoid about telling some people about our move into public school. I wasn't at first, I was overwhelmed with joy of the Lord that we were doing the right thing. Then I got a few reactions that were discouraging. It's okay, no one is obligated to make me feel better and it would actually be better for my faith that they all be negative in extreme so I can be stretched to put my hope in God's leading more and more. Once I realized that, I was overwhelmed by the joyful reaction of one dear lady at my church.
I was sitting in front of her and during meet and greet she asked how we were doing. If school was done and something about next year. I don't remember that part very well. I was afraid to tell her. Now, let me say, she is a wonderfully sweet lady. She does homeschool though and had been encouraging me to strike out independently next year despite the doom and gloom news in CA about homeschooling. So, I had convinced myself that she would be shocked by the change and not understand it.
I'll tell you, this is how you know someone has their eyes on God and what He can do instead of the opinions of man.
I told her and she was overwhelmed with joy for us! He face lit up and she lamented how awesome God is to show us all this! I was dumbfounded. It was like a big hug from God. I knew she really meant it. Even though she was choosing to homeschool herself, she was open to what God had for us and not threatened by it at all! It was a delight to my downhearted spirit.
When we have talked to people about this we have all kinds of reactions. Some positive, some hesitant. Yet, the one that is the hardest for me is the stand-offish response. The one that seems to doubt that God could possibly lead us into public school. The one that seems to say, "well, I'll just sit back and keep quiet, and we'll just see what kind of mess you end up with."
I was so blessed by this woman's love for what God could do! Because God does not lead us and then abandon us. I think Tami R. told me something like "God does not say 'thank you for obeying my leading, now I'm going to screw up your kids'". He is leading us for the purpose of our good and I thank this woman for rejoicing with us. It takes a pair of eyes fully on God to see HIS hand move, to truly rejoice with you rather than just be polite.
(I need to note too that I have had many friends very close to me have the same faith and joy as well, and I thank them, not for my sake, but I thank them for being prayerfully focused on God's will for our family)

A Note From A Friend
My friend Kristen sent me an email yesterday to link me to a brief article "I Praise God For the Public Schools". This was a love gift from God. What Kristen didn't know at the time was that this article was written by the wife of one of my dad's best friends. This friend was the one that took my dad out, feeble as he was, upon his request (my dad's request), to the shooting range two weeks before he passed away. This friend knew him since I was young. I was touched that God reached out through this friend's wife to encourage me.
Please read the article.
(NOTE: I want to say one little thing regarding the article. I do not believe in being motivated to put your kids in public for the sole purpose of them being little missionaries (another term would be so they can be salt and light) alone. It is an element of being in the public school, and a wonderful way for a christian family to minister, but the motivation should be the leading of God alone. For the same reason, you should never be motivated to homeschool for the sake of protecting your child. You should homeschool because you and your husband have prayed and God has led you there. Your child being guarded may be an element of being at home as a result of that decision, but it should never be a motivation. In that same sense, I am not motivated by wanting my children to be missionaries to the school. By the grace of God they will be, if it's his will that we can be, but it is not the reason we are going. The sole reason is that God has lead us there. Many, many purposes and reasons are being shown to us as we go along but they are not in and of themselves our motivations.)

So, On To The Latest
We went up yesterday to let the kids see the classrooms and meet the teachers. I ran into another old teacher of mine who is now the vice principle and we chatted for a while.
Superkid was very anxious to see the room. He was quite shy to talk to the teacher, but I'm sure that's normal. School is a whole new thing for him. He was excited to look around and see what was in the room.
Lilo had to have circled her classroom a dozen times. She said nothing, she just walked around absorbing while we talked to Miss Monarch (as I think we've dubbed her Karen:). She loved all the bug and butterfly stuff. She wanted to open the text books and look in them. She hovered over the craft table for a long time. Later I asked her what she liked about the room, she said everything. I asked if there was anything she didn't like and she said no.
Princess' teacher was way too busy when we stopped by. Evidently she was in a time crunch to get the yearbook in before school is done tomorrow. She greeted her and welcomed her to browse around the room but she had to get her stuff done. Rick and I were a little disappointed with this but we understood that we had popped in on her unannounced. When we spoke to us at open house she was very helpful. Princess browsed around the room. She said it was messy. (definite oldest child). I tried to remind her that school had just ended and the stuff was not cleaned up yet.
We went on to meet the sixth grade teacher too since she will be teaching Princess' math. She was lovely! Her room was much neater and had stuff that intrigued all the kids. She talked with us for a while. We really liked her and Princess was able to get to know her a bit. She has horses and Princess of course was delighted with that common love.
So, again every sense, Lilo asks me how many days till school starts. I reminded her that they have not even stopped quite yet!:)

Final Sharing
This morning I read what I thought to be a great thought provoker over at Life As Mom. I was overwhelmed with reflective thoughts from it.
Here is part of my comment and I'll end with this... I copied it because it was a dumping out of my heart and sometimes you can't say the same thing twice just as well.

God has taken my "mommy mold" that I long so desparately to fit into even when it's uncomfortable, an obvious "not fit", and shattered it completely. He has in essence said to me "you will stop being what you think you need to be and you will walk by faith!" To stop looking for formulas that define "fine accomplishment" and live for the image of Christ. I no longer want to be motivated by what I define as the perfect mom, I want to be motivated by the will of God, the yoke that is easy and the burden that is light, the life that reflects the Father because it is seeking Him for the next step in every way. The perfect mom mold can be a bad motivation, and it can become an idol, set up and worshiped. That is what I did. Praise God for stepping in in a loving and intimate way and throwing it to the floor! He is a jealous God and want's my heart seeking HIM, and I am so thankful. Now I am motivated by obeying His will which brings me joy that goes deeper than temporal performance satisfaction.


Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

What Will You Do All Day?!

I have a friend I love very much ask me this many weeks ago when this all started. I felt so nervous at the time about that question because I didn't want to be teased about it. This is one of those friends who is like a sister to me and though we are very different in personality, through Christ, we have become as solid as can be. So, I was not worried what she meant by it. I knew she saw the humor in the profound change of my day! It's true... what in the world would I do? I was just nervous thinking about it at all. What Lord, do you want me to do? Rick, what do you want me to do? Where is my place in this change? Now, I've had another friend, Karen, ask me a similar question so I thought...okay I'll tell ya.

".......encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

Titus 2:4

I'll be doing what my "own" husband wants me to do.. focus on being a housewife and mommy. No, I won't be "working" (meaning getting a job)! My heart is at home. My gifts are with the home. The whole point is to lighten the load to make me a BETTER mommy and a BETTER housewife. I think working would just keep me overloaded and not functioning well. That's just me.

Many mom's are very gifted with kids. Gifted to teach them their lessons, to be creative when they don't understand. They have a real passion for schooling. I've discovered once I let go to God's leading, that that is not my main gift. If God still wanted me, and my husband still wanted me to try it anyway... I would, but it is a minefield of frustrations for me. Housekeeping is a sheer delight for me when I can do it (when homeschooling, there has really been no time for it beyond survival mode). In the past year I have gotten so mundane in my meals and organization of that, I look forward to putting on my apron more! That is another area I delight in.
Please don't misunderstand, I delight in my children, but not easily in the area of academics. I start to get to works oriented in that area that I pressure them more than help them. I feel pressure myself too which makes me struggle just to love them. I'm not saying this is a cure for that and the delighting comes purely through prayer and from the Lord because life itself with kids is a growing experience. However, taking off some of my load so I can focus on delighting and cheering is the idea and what Rick really sees I will shine at.
If I could trade a moment of seeing my kid multiply a four digit number for the first time, for a moment of discussion about life issues and turning our hearts to God, I'll trade it. I delight in discussing life, I delight in caring for my family's needs (food, clothes, making a warm haven, etc) more than I delight in their schooling. I delight in sitting with them and talking about God, and how huge he is, and how much he loves them and wants to be involved in every area of their lives. I love talking about how he is conforming us all to his image through trails, how he wants us to find our joy in him as we were created to do.
I have not been able to pursue these gifts with homeschooling.
My husband knows I delight in these areas of life and he is encouraging me now to make them my focus. I think, the more we see how mommy has been off track, the more we look forward to the joyful journey God is putting us on.
I will also be up at the school a lot, in the classrooms a lot. I plan to make that a priority. It has been advised to us that this is an important thing for a mom to do so she can really know not just the teachers, but the kids as well. Hearing what is going on and knowing who everyone is.
I will be praying more during the day. I will be taking time to bring my children before the Lord while they are gone. Rick would like me to pray about the times we take in the evening with the kids and take notes on what to discuss. Pay attention to what is coming home in conversation, pray over it, and formulate biblical discussion ready to go when we sit and share with the kids.
Our plan is to take a little time each evening to "meet" with each kid, and then on other nights just spend that family time we would have anyway. Princess would have one on one more times in the week than the other two since we are sure she will need more discipling. It will be my role while Rick is working and the kids are at school, to pray over these times, and record what in general is going on or asked. These are the channels I was seeking of that we need to open, but not in a overbearing way, we want them to be natural and comfortable, yet God focused.

The main goal will be for me to be diligent with the time in the day, so that any time away from school is relationship/fellowship time. Some chores, yes, but mainly time as a family. Times of delighting and supporting them. These hours will be guarded and honored highly. There will be no cleaning (beyond dinner clean up), no projects (unless they involve the kids), no organizing (menus, schedules, coupons etc), no laundry, no errands or shopping. This will be sacred time. Time to hear where they are, support them.
When they are down .... there will be sacred time for Rick and I. For in the midst of all this, God has been showing me something else I've been slipping at....loving my husband. When we homeschool it is so easy to put the kids above our relationship (for us, again, many couples are good at this balance). Even in the evening there is prep needed for the next day's schooling, maybe even studying of the material etc. So, another surprise God had for me was to show me I was putting things out of order.
More on that later...

Updates On The Journey

Well, I've been rambling a lot here lately. Here are just some practical steps taking place toward this decision.
Last week we met with an elder and his wife (since our pastor is on sabbatical) to hear their thoughts on this decision. Their perspective was important to us because they have done the whole gamut when it comes to schooling for their three girls. One is finishing college now, one beginning college, and one still in high school.
It seems that the root of Rick's concerns have been with the quality of education attained in the public school. They felt their girls were always getting a good education. When issues ever came to a breaking point, through the Lord's leading they made changes.
The root of my concerns have been with the social/moral challenges I will face by putting them in public school. Oh, how God is stretching my faith! See, having them home really keeps us from talking about these things with our kids because we are padding and protecting them from them. This couple made it very clear to us that we HAD to be prepared that these things would come up and we need to know we will be talking about them. Although this scares me, every time I quake inside trying to find a reason to shrink back into my comfort zone of having them home.. it's almost as if I hear the Lord smiling, clapping and rubbing his hands together in expectation saying "alright, let's get it on!" Here is where I feel so inadequate! I said so, when we were sitting at their table and this wise mom said to me just what I needed to hear "You are not adequate Alicia!" How I need to be reminded of that!
Is it possible that God wants us to step out, and for our children to step out so that things will come up that he can stretch and grow us in and we can be forced to come to his feet more!? I had never considered this when the leading to go to public started. It is all unfolding slowly.
This mom was also an encouragement to me that I was not alone in my feeling over being overwhelmed. I was willing to press on in homeschooling even being a crazy woman since I really felt I needed to fit into that mold no matter what. You need to back up to read past posts to get all that. This mom experienced the same thing and her husband was sensitive to her state. This was very effective with Rick and he said on the way home that he was convicted by this husband's leading his wife in this way. It would seem that many of these things just don't occur to Rick and I until the Lord hits us over the head. I guess I'm just glad he does eventually. She said that whenever she had homeschooled, it was never a fit for her. She felt so much better when she took off the academic hat and focused more on being the mommy. That was like a breeze on a hot day for me. That is where my heart is being moved.... to focus on mommy and wife. A mommy still disciples her children with the nitty gritty heart issues of life and a leading in the goal of the glory of God. I am not giving that up, I am actually embracing it more.
So, this is where the Lord answered my question about the burden to lead them in eternal goals. If any of you have been here for a while you may have read my post about wanting to make God's word more of the core of my schooling. So, you can imagine my confusion at first when he started to lead us toward public school. This seemed like an opposing answer. Yet, what he is showing me is that the hat of academics is actually keeping me from discipling them because by the time I'm done with that, and my housework, there is nothing left in me. There is no "hey honey, let's cuddle on the couch and talk about your day!" and from there just listen and then talk about how all things relate to the will of God in their lives. The only places I have done this lately have been in discipline scenarios which can make children shirk at the conversation of the gospel because every time we talk to them about it, they are in trouble!
You see, my daughter is ten. The Lord is showing me a lot about her. I have not had the energy to disciple her with delight. I'm too overwhelmed! He seems desperate to have me open up channels with her now. Start talking about these life things now. Bring them up, hash them out, show her God's word. Do it with delight.
I had got to the point where all I wanted after we got through school, which took most of the day, was to have a break from them. "Go play guys!". I was exhausted!
Having a girl is also a different factor. Girls need to talk, sit, and cuddle. They need to be able to talk to understand what they feel in the first place. They need someone to delight in them as they walk through the insecurities of growing up. They need a mom. They need a dad too. But what they don't need is a dad, and a teacher. She needs a mom. She needs cookies and tea and a loving listening ear. She needs a comfortable place to talk about growing up. I don't know how on earth I would fit that in right now. Some people might. I'm not good at juggling that much.
Remember, I saw NONE of this when the Lord started moving us. Isn't it amazing that he leads and we have to step out in faith, and then he starts to reveal why and it's so loving of Him! I am so blessed that he cares so much about these details of my life that I could not see! He knows where we need to be focusing, what we should take on, and what we should leave to Him. What an intimate God!
The next day was the big day. Rick and I went up to meet the 5th grade teacher. Now, I am not putting faith in this but it's an ironic point. We did not even know where the 5th grade room was. We went during a big open house BBQ and so we found my old teacher (who met us very joyfully and gave my husband a hearty pat on the back while shaking his hand....love that guy!) and asked him where to find 5th grade. "Oh! Yeah, that would be Miss....., Oh, she is a great christian lady, wonderful gal!" I'm thinking no, this is too good to be true. Each kid having a christian teacher? Well, we met her and she gave us her total attention giving us a tour of her room, curriculum and answering all of our questions. We did not tell her we were Christians because we wanted to pull out info from her before she knew our stand point. We did have some pretty important questions about moral discussions in the classroom because we said, we were very conservative. In her reply she said something, something, something, ..."because I'm conservative too so I...." and then she said "In fact, I'm a christian, and my kids know I'm a christian but I don't talk about my beliefs in the classroom, we stick to the academics." Well, I'm all about sticking to the academics! Let us take care of the rest, please! We really liked what she showed us that they did, and I was encouraged as a lot of the math starts to drop into where I drop off if you know what I mean! This has been another concern for Victoria is how much is mommy going to have to study, just to teach her?! Math is not my strength, it's not even close. Get me on Dickens or Hardy and I'm sailin' but get me beyond multiplying fractions and I'm stuck.
Anyway.... Rick was pretty impressed with her academic line up. It turns out that "growing up issues" are not introduced until sixth grade and even then each discussion is under permission signings by the parents and you can opt your child out of them. For now, I don't have to worry about it except what will come from the kids.

Here I want to back up and share the corresondance from Tami Rutledge that my husband and I found so helpful when we first started out. I know it makes this post even longer so you can come back and read it later if you like.
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Hello Alicia!! as you know, I like to respond to your words so that your feel that I heard you and am responding to your questions!

soooo.... my words are in color....

Tami,
I thought it was very nice of you to link me. Thank you.

:) welcome and thank you for the info on linking!


It's unbelievable Tami, God is leading us to actually put our kids in public school next year. I was kinda in shock last week when it started. It's a very long story which I am going to try to start journaling about but can't post on the blog right now.


Love what you said.... "GOD IS LEADING US!" That is my only point in schooling choices, make sure it is GOD, not all the info you get from other people, as wise and Godly as you think they maybe, God wants to have a relationship with you, He is an intimate personal God who wants to lead His children individually. GOD will lead you, you should not lead God.

When I read your letter to me a long while back about homeschooling (if you need me to send it back to you since it was a few months ago, I can), I did not really get it. But, I seem to have stewed on it in the back of my mind and the Lord has used it to show me my living by fear. He started to show me that my motivations right now for homeschooling anyway, were not right.

this is the intimacy of God --- able to reveal! I may have wrote you things but only in God's timing will He reveal what He wants to reveal. Yeah GOD!!! This is soooo awesome!


They were two major fears: fear of what fellow Christians would think, (i.e. friends, church, parents, all the mass of homeschool mom 's who read my blog...etc.), and the fear of what the kids would be exposed to. So, I began to see that I was homeschooling for actually SELFISH reasons! So that I could fit into this "godly" homeschool mom mold I so desperately wanted to portray whether we all hated it or not. What I thought was a noble sacrifice and a wise decision began to look more and more to me like living by works and my own pride, and being driven by fear. Like I said, this is long story that I am trying to condense.

I love this.... even just a seed of wrong needs to be dealt with.


It turns out that my very favorite teacher from my own school years is still up at the school for two more years. He is a wonderful christian and his wife happens to teach kindergarten there too. My husband and I felt led to go up and meet with them and that was even strange to me since I had my whole school year planned out (in outline, not specifics). We really had great joy about the thought when we left.


How intimate God is to prepare a way for your heart...


So, we are praying about it and seeking counsel. We are very unsure still what to do for our oldest. She is going into fifth grade and is our vulnerable seeming child.

Let me tell you something... you know those hand sanitizers bottles that people carry around to squirt on their hands all the time... the ones people use to protect themselves from bad bacteria and stuff? Well did you know that if you use them too much that it actually works against you?

You see, it is good for your body to fight off bacterias because then it becomes stronger in defending itself when bad bacteria comes in. But if it is not used to fighting it actually becomes weak.

It is the same with us. We need to make sure and follow God's leading because then they are exposed to exactly what He wants them exposed to so that they can learn how to fight off the bad.

We like to protect our children, but one day they must leave our home and we want to make sure they are not just knowledgable about the armor but WISE about how to use the armor. The best time to teach them is when they are young. Making mistakes when you are young is WAY less costly then when you are older.


By that I mean, she tends to pick up others behaviors and challenge us more when she is exposed to non-christian kids. Yet, my strength seems to be in talking about life and the Lord to my kids not academics, so I am beginning to wonder if he wants me to clear my slate so that I can actually focus MORE on these heart issues with my kids.

NOW that is the true heart of homeschooling!! Discipleship!! In this life what is more important?
Reading, writing and arithmetic, or knowing how to use all of those to God's glory? If God is leading you to put your children somewhere, no matter where it is just know that it is a part of the intimate curriculum He has intimately designed for them, to begin to prepare them for the ministry He has in store for them. AND TO INCREASE YOUR FAITH!


So, anyway.... I wanted to ask you...
you said you had a time when you put your two in to public for a while. May I ask what motivated that?

Every year we ask God, Where Lord, where do you want your children this year.


How did it go?

Spiritually it went according to God's plan for them and for us! Humanly it increased my faith more then them being home. And it for sure was a testimony to our children of seeking God and not leaning on our own understanding. Prov. 3:5-8

What ages were they?

Kathleen did a partial homeschool and public school when she was in 2nd grade. 3 days at school 2 at home. 6th Grade public, 7th private Christian, 11 -12 Private Christian

Debra 4th grade through 4/5 of 5th. 9th - 10th private Christian 11 - 12 home

Christy 1 - 10 home 11 - 12 private.


Did it become too much after a while?

Obedience never becomes too much when I walk with the Lord.

There is so much more I don't have time to write right now. I am hoping to be able to post some of this shocking journey when I am able to.
I may allude to it until then and you will know what "decision" I am talking about. I was motivated at first not to share out of fear of opinion, but now my motivation is to spare my kids any hearing until the decision is made so that they don't get pulled around emotionally as to what they will be doing next year.


As you walk with God in peace and joy you have to remember too that any responses they get are all a part of God's design to grow them up.

Alicia the key to everything is JOY! Rejoice that God has already determined the responses you will get and they are all designed to do a wonderful work in you. Rejoice that God has already determined who will sit by your children if you put them in school Rejoice that God will never hop off his throne in surprise, nor pace back and forth in front of His throne when something goes "bad."

He is sovereign, HE is loving, He is perfect, He knows the plans He has for your kids.

The concern I have is this..... WHY WHY WHY would anyone ever consider looking down their noses at someone for seeking God's will.

IT is because in our human understanding we have dictated what God's will is. His best has been determined by our human understanding of things.

I know that God has given us a brain and told us to use it, BUT He also said that we are sheep, He is wise, we need to come to Him for the final answer.

No one should say,... but look at the facts, look at all the godly people who say you shouldn't, look at this and look at that... NO - Keep your eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of your FAITH!



What matters most to us? God's "Well done." or man's approval when we do things according to what they think is right. Who do we desire to please more....

And when people question you and say ... How could you... you can reply. I know just what you mean, I asked God the same thing and His reply was.... "How can you? Simply by trusting and obeying and in my strength!"

By the way it isn't as if God plays tricks on us. He doesn't say, "Thank you for seeking my will, but you totally misread me and so I am going to screw up your kids now."

He is a loving God who can lead you. YOu see my friend, God's leading doesn't depend on your ability to hear or see Him, it depends on His abilities. That is why God has no trouble revealing HIs will when we are at peace.

Worry an fear negates who He is so if He were to lead you one way you would negate it as Him and attribute it to some sinful desire.

Be still, rejoice, give thanks.... Your children are always better off when you obey.

AND my children were exposed to sin... GASP go figure. But what is the armor for? The armor is for learning to deal with SIN. God doesn't have us put it on just for a fashion show... it is meant to be useful and used!

So. Whether God leads you to put them in school or at home, the only thing God is wanting you to see is if you are humble enough to be LED.



Isaiah 48: 17 This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go. 18 If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.


Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.



Alicia I am so excited to watch God at work in you!!!

Tami