My Journeyman
I set out years ago to journey-
To walk life’s road with you,
I couldn’t see where steps would lead,
Or what we would go through,
Yet certain as the sunshine bright,
Was the prospect of my delight,
To just set out with you.

And so the days began to turn,
And months gave way to years,
We welcomed many a right good laugh,
We endured such waves of tears.
Yet emotions ranging high or low,
We kept our ever steady flow,
And carried on as two.

You’ve been the kindness of the morning,
You’ve been the comfort of the night,
With all the world that’s ever turning,
I’ve kept you always in my sight.
And I look forward to the morrow,
Be it good or be it sorrow,
To pass this way with you.

To think that my Creator loved,
More than math could measure,
And gave on top of all the rest,
This one perfected pleasure.
This journey birthed inside his mind,
That brought us to each others find,
That I should walk with you.

The way reaches on to meet the sky,
Where my eyes fail to see,
But Christ leads ever on before us,
And “Oh, how he loves you and me!”
So my heart with thanks abounding,
Now eager, full and pounding,
Sets out to walk with you.

For my Valentine- Feb.14, 2008

Our Story Phase Two: First Date

(For part one of the story, you need to scroll down to previous post)
Well, as it turned out, we never went to Sadie Hawkins. We began talking a lot on the phone and just seemed to not be able to get enough of each others thoughts. Our relationship took such a quick escalation, that we went on our first date before the event that brought us together ever took place. Rick asked me to a dinner out at a Mexican restaurant. I really enjoyed his company. (Photo is Our Date at Ed Debevics)
It was a great evening except for my distraction from his very 80's shirt. It was a bright turquoise blue with black circles/dots filled with various florescent shades of color. Lilo would have loved it. :)
The night of Sadie Hawkins, Rick and I and another couple decided to do it better with a night down at Ed Debevics in Beverly Hills. The theme of the Sadie Hawkins was fifties so we just went with that, but better. It was a fun night but I remember wishing we had just gone somewhere as the two of us. The couple we were with were heavy on sarcastic humor and neither Rick nor I are prone to that. We sat in the back seat all the way back to Masters and with a quiet demeanor.
Our relationship became so intense from the beginning that I began to get a little panicked. The more I got to know Rick, the more I liked him A LOT. It was just one of those things that fit together so well that you think the bottom of the world is going to fall out any minute because it's too good to be true. Our first date was on Nov. 7th (that Mexican restaurant date) and by two weeks later, I asked that we take a back up hit the breaks. I thought we should try to be just friends. I was so unsure that this was really what it was gearing up to be.
Rick came home with me for Thanksgiving, as friends. My parents loved him. My dad especially loved him, and thought he was the best. That scared me even more and I tried hard to fight the gushy feelings I had when I looked at him across the table of food and heard him so easily converse with my family as if he had been there forever. I was still fighting it when we sat out on the swing that swung from the big oak on the hill behind our house (my favorite teenage get away in tough times and hormonal surges). As we sat there swinging and talking I looked over at him and just KNEW this was the man I was going to marry. I knew it was true because I didn't want to know but something was telling me anyway. I was still trying to emotionally fight it.
Rick and I had another amazing and heart wrenching connection, something I had never shared before with anyone, not even any of my girl friends. We both had disabled siblings. My brother Scott is Rick's age and has Cerebral Palsy. Rick's sister Heather (who has since gone to be with the Lord) was mentally retarded (I hate that word, I wish there was another. I grew up in a time when kids used it fluently and toward each other and it would make my little stomach sick to hear them. The word itself has its place but I even have a hard time using it in context). So one of the sweetest surprises to me was that my brother Scott LOVED Rick from the beginning, and Rick had such ease around him. It was like nothing I had ever seen. Scott still loves Rick, sometimes I think more than me, but that's okay.:)

We came back to school and I felt like I was the only one out of my kin who was unsure. That was different; I had never had that happen before. Well, I don't remember how long I held out, but I know it was a matter of days after returning. We frequented this coffee shop that we just loved because it had a loft with couches and games, and they played jazz or forties music. We were sitting on the couch talking when we just noticed how we were scrunching closer and closer. I think Rick said something to the effect of "have you noticed that" and I responded affirmative. He asked me if this meant anything and I said I thought it did and he said something to the effect that he was glad. It was official, we were dating, and friendship alone was forever in the past tense.

Yes, there will be more!!!!

The First Time Ever I Saw His Face

The first time I saw Rick's face, I was disinterested. Not because he was not cute, he was very cute. I was in a bad place in my head. Not only in general, but on that day in particular. I love that I was disinterested because I look back on it now and am tickled that God was working to bring me amazing love and I was not even paying attention.

My heart was still mending from great breakage. I had been a year at Taylor University in Fort Wayne, Indiana. There I had met someone who was an amazing Christian young man and I was sure that was who God had for me. The Lord did not have it in his plan and he used location separation to show me that. I thank him for it now. I was always feeling second place in this young man's life and as some of you know by now, I'm a person who get's intense about what's in my heart and I needed someone just as intense and loyal as I am. I would have been struggling over and over for attention. I'm thankful God knew me and wanted something else for me. Yet, at the time I was heart sick.
(Us in my college dorm lounge)
My parents could not afford to send me back to the Midwest school. The cost of travel on top of school was too much. So, I went to Masters with a scowl in my heart. I did not want to be there. I cried a lot. I made girl friends pretty fast but was not interested in the guys at all. Finally the Lord used some things in email correspondence with this other young man to prove once and for all to me that the relationship we had was not what I had thought it was. On his end, it was much more superficial. I kid you not, it was the very day that this email arrived or one of the emails trailed from it (conversing back and forth) that I first saw Rick.

A guy friend of mine was going to a play. "The Mousetrap" and I was invited. I was not very close to him but he and I had chatted about what I was going through and he thought this might be a good diversion. I am always up for a good play and so I said a slow "okay". Well, we were supposed to be getting a ride from some other college kids that he knew and I didn't. He said he had coordinated that they would pick us up in front of a dorm. We stood there and they never came. You can imagine my sarcastic attitude. I almost expected such a downer that day. Well, he thought that we might as well walk down to the gym and watch the girl’s volleyball game. Now, I am not much for watching sports but I didn't care what I did that day. So, I went along slowly and with slumped shoulders.

We sat down in the first row of bleachers. After a few minutes he turned around and spotted someone he knew way up at the top. "I'll be right back", he said, "I'm going to say hi to someone". "Okay" and I just sat there. My brain was swimming and I don't even remember the game except my occasional envy of some of the girl’s power and athletic abilities. He came back and sat down next to me and said something like "My friend was wondering who you were". "Who?" I said. "My friend up there, he asked me who I was with and if she was my girl friend. I told him no." I turned around to see a tan brown haired, blue eyed guy in the back. He was handsome but he looked older than me. I was 18 at the time. "How old is he?" I asked. "He's like 25 (he had just had his birthday days before, and I was due to be 19 in December)". "Hmp." I said, that seemed old to me. I didn't think another thought about it. I didn't want to.

A few days later, this very guy came right into my dorm lobby where I was doing homework. He was with a girl I knew downstairs in my dorm. They had just been out to dinner. I found out later on that this gal had liked Rick for a long time. She was very nice but they were out as friends. Well, she introduced me. I think I was sitting there working on my paperwork for application to the semester of study in Israel that I was supposed to do. Well, that was the spark that set off the rest of our lives. He had been himself for a semester and we just starting talking and talking and talking. The gal he was with eventually said goodnight and went downstairs and we just sat there forever. He loved to travel, I love to travel. He loved history, I love history. He loved anything English, or Italian, so do I. Our words just flowed back and forth like the ease of waves coming in and out of the ocean. At the time I just found him incredibly interesting and easy to talk to. That was just what I needed at the time.

Then came time for Sadie Hawkins. I did not want to go. I did not want to ask any guy to go. I had one friend who was really goofy and funny who I thought I might ask. He was like a big brother kind of person. I knew I would have some laughs, but something in me longed for some depth of conversation. I thought of Rick. I didn't even know how to contact him. His little sister went to Masters at the time. I knew who she was but we were not close. She was in a different dorm. My roommate did the work for me; she called Joan and got Rick’s number. I was raised that a lady does not call a guy so this whole thing went against what I was trained was right. I let her do it for me. I don't remember much of the details but he said he would love to.

Stay tuned for more of the story......... I have to start school. :) Don't you love the mystery?????

Lord Bless My PMS

Well, I said this blog would be the perfect and the imperfect. The following is a large dose of "im".
Today was a day I want to forget. If God works for good, I gave him plenty to work with, and that grieves me.
PMS and the homeschooling mom have to be two of the worst combinations on the planet. Usually it's not to bad, but every few months it's absolutely horrible and I feel like I barely survive it (it is now known as PMDD, and I would suggest you read up if you feel nutts about every three months or if you have it this severe every time. Remember that being aware of what you're body is going through will help you know how to prepare. I am personally not one for medication but I can clear my slate ahead of time or at least that is what I'm learning I really need to do). I don't know if it's because we get older, or because it increases with multiple births, but since Superkid it has been harder.
I was very encouraged about a year a go by a Family Life Episode I listened to that talked about this issue. I'm not remembering who the speaker was, but it was a lady (My hard drive is telling me it was Martha Peace the author of "The Excellent Wife") which made me feel better. (I also use to assume that PMS meant the pain and moodiness you have during your cycle, duh? I should have realized the "pre" meant something. She made me feel better by explaining that it can occur five to ten days before your period starts) She explained that your brain actually does swell physically and that makes it harder to think and deal with normal every day things. I was relieved to know there was a reason for my madness. I began to think I should prepare better to down shift during those times. However, the strange thing is, I always forget to plan ahead and the opposite happens. It comes on a day when ... well.. let me just give you a picture of what I woke up to today....
Yesterday was bible study and Rick had been home sick this past weekend so I did not get much housework done. So, I did some school with the kids but had to leave early enough to get some errands one before the study. We managed to unload the dishes before leaving ..That was it.
So, this morning my counters were covered with a very indefinite line between yesterdays clean unloaded dishes and yesterdays all day of dirties. The counter behind me had scraps from making the rest of the dinner when we got home at near six pm, and salsa had been left out and open so you can imagine the lovely onion smell through the house added to the nachos for dinner dish pile. I had gone to bed at 8pm! Remember that I'm a night person, I don't go to bed at 8. Still, I was about to fall over and sleep anywhere if I didn't. That was warning sigh number one, and I should have taken more heed.
Back to the scene...
Lilo had made three "tents" in the living room the day before and remnants were still all over the place. The few TJ's groceries (not perishable) were on my kitchen table, along with the text books, pencils and notebooks from school the day before, accented with some yummy plates from lunch. Each kids room was covered with toys, pop-beads, clean laundry, dirty laundry, hand-me-downs' that needed to be decided upon, and all manner of clutter. My room had two brown wicker chairs filled to overflowing with clean laundry that had been moved from the bed to the chairs, from the chairs to the bed, and back to the chairs more times than I want to count all week. There are final piles of things that need to go out to the shed from Christmas or whatever and a huge tack board that we removed from the girl’s room that I have not figured out what to do with. That has clean laundry draped over it too.
Anyway....enough with all that.
I walked my hour on the treadmill thinking that and a good quiet time would help me with the day. (I have blogged about this before on my old site about my tendency to think that a quiet time is my right of passage to a good day. My thinking is wrong and yet I seem destined t repeat it.)
I don't want to go into the ugly details of how the day unfolded, you don't want to hear and I've all ready re-lived it once with my husband when he asked what had happened that put me in such tears. If I could sum it up it would be a constant repeating pattern of me telling the kids they needed to do something and them in a constant pattern of forgetting or loosing focus every one to three minutes, or sighing and claiming great tiredness when asked to help. It ended with me crying through most of my own chores through the afternoon, two trips to my room to cry out to God and just sob, and a sore nose from crying and blowing.
In our bible study we have been searching what it means to trust God. To know that he is sovereign and want's us to bend to his agenda and recognize that he allows certain things to come our way. I was devastated today at how poorly I was responding and how I felt my body and circumstances were being taken to the very edge of my sanity. In my tears I prayed something that I've never prayed before. I asked Jesus to cover me with his blood. I think the words I repeated were "cover me right now Lord, please cover me". I could literally feel the state my head was in as being so not normal. It's a very strange combination of adrenaline that want's to get it all done NOW, and an overwhelming reaction of "I CAN'T, IT'S TOO MUCH!" all coming at once. Oh and now that the day is over I know I have to trust that he will use today for His glory because I really feel like I blew it. Yet, He is God, that is what He does. I am learning slowly to deal better with these days. I was convicted today to really plan ahead on the calendar this next month. To clear the path for a total down shift to first gear so that when that day comes I have a easier school day (or day off!), a frozen meal ready, and an effort put out to have things fairly tidy so I can just love my children and not become a crazy woman.

One thing that occurred to me today that I shared with my husband is that a homeschool mom's life is like not other professionals. It would be like a working woman taking her kids off to school, and leaving for work with a fairly clean house and coming home to find that some little dwarves had come in and ate, played, messed dishes, pottied, bathed, studied, painted, slept and all manner of doings all day long. Now, she has to make dinner and get it all ready for the next day to do it over again while she goes off to her job. What is our job? Schooling, only we get to attempt to be productive in the midst of the daily affairs of all different life needs, habbits, and goings on as well as a combination of ages meeting us with challenges at different developmental levels. That can drive you crazy on a good day.
So, Lord, please...bless my day of PMS!

PS: I would like to thank my husband for making mac and cheese tonight....thanks honey.XXOOXX

Added Later On:

If you sense that you may have some PMDD symptoms, please read the comments of Flo here on this blog post (for you who are not sure, click where you read "5 comments" or whatever number it is by the time you get to it. Yes, I do have some who have told me they are not sure where the comments are). I appreciated her help. I think I will be doing more research on this myself. Ignorance is NOT bliss on this one!

No Way.....To Werid

I copied Fishmama and took her "which movie are you quiz" link. I never expected this.
No, you don't understand...."Much Ado About Nothing" Is "our" movie! We absolutely love it! Our Honeymoon suite was named "Much Ado About Nothing" (It Was the Old England Inn in Victoira, BC) as all the rooms had Shakespeare names. We went to see the play for a date last summer as well. We own the movie for sure! I even have a label for my blog subjects called this!
You know, I'm glad I did this, I think I found my Valentines flick for us to cuddle up and enjoy.
Rick will think this is pretty cool.