An Intimate Search For Goals From Prov. 31

If you are like me, you may sometimes dread reading that passage. Especially when I was very young and had toddlers and babies around me I would just beat myself up that I did not achieve high enough. In fact, there should be a just for fun version of Prov. 31 for the new mom. That would be entertaining and the theme would be "grace in the midst of continuous survival mode".
Yet I found myself this week anxious to get to Prov. 31 even though it was not up on the calendar Proverb of the day yet. I wanted to take an intimate look at it and filter out what were some real sensible practical goals, not for perfection sake, but for the blessing it would bring for my life and that of my husband and family.
Through the years I think we all as Christian mom's define in our minds what a Godly woman looks like. Twice in my married life I have gone all out in skirts and dresses thinking that this made me a more Godly woman. The funny thing to me was that both times, and especially the last time about two years ago, my husband said he wished I would wear pants! I was in such a state of pride at the time that, though I did not tell him this, I responded in my heart that he was just not spiritual enough and did not appreciate true femininity. Oh, the Lord convicted me on that one, and I put my pants back on. (of course I wear dresses too but he does not like me wearing them every day and for those reasons). Later on, I found it quite cute that he liked me in pants and enjoyed the freedom of that. I tend to be an all or nothing person so I have to be very careful of legalistic patterns creeping up in my life. The homeschooling thing started to become this in me too and as some of you know from reading here for a while...God worked on me in that one too. Oh, I'm so relieved he does not let me go my own way! I'm so thankful he does not let me find salvation in ANYTHING else but Him.
Oh, yes, so....
I am only going to touch on the first three points today because I don't want to wear anyone out. I will come back and complete this walk though as the week goes on I hope (I'm battling a bad cold right now so who knows but I may be nursing sick kids soon).
One my notebook, I wrote at the top :
Practicality of Proverbs 31
(kind of a "how does this apply to me?" or "what would this look like for me?")

One huge thing to note first whenever approaching Proverbs 31 is to remember that it is in fact a poem of sorts written in the Hebrew to the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet. So, it would be like you taking the ABC's and coming up with a set of goals for what a woman aught to be. Or you could call it a prayer. It is infact however an ideal scenario and should be taken as a target to shoot for in the grace and power of Christ and not my willpower or pride.
It is also set in (as John MacArthur in his study guides points out) a "wealthy home and the customs of the ancient Near East" but the ideas still apply to all.

Vs. 11-12: "The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. "

= He can trust me to use our resources wisely and responsibly. I show him my loyalty through doing this. My decisions on these resources add to our family rather than take from them.

This one is very convicting to me for when I make spontaneous decisions with money when I 'm out and about. I recently told Rick that the girls were both going to need new tennis shoes and asked if we could set some money aside for them in the next paycheck. I did not really think about it except that I knew if I did not say anything, at the place where we are now, there would be no money. The amazing thing though, and the thing the Lord brought to me later, was that he thanked me for letting him know ahead of time and told me that it was very helpful for me to do that for him. Huh.. so simple.

The other aspect of this, and I think this one is all I'm going to get to today because of the time, is that my resources are not only the money he gives me to use. They are also the time in my day, the decisions I make with it, the care of the stuff we all ready have (i.e. clothes, food, furniture etc.), and guarding as well as maintaining my own energy level. That alone goes into many other categories of decision making like what I choose to eat, whether I use all that we have or waste it, whether I get enough sleep to have energy, how much time I spend on the computer etc.

And on that awesome send off note, that's it for today. More hopefully tomorrow.

(PS: Please feel free to comment, the blog has been so quiet lately. I hope my mixing things up so much has not left ya all silent. I do love to know that you're here and any feed back you have on the writings, thanks!)

At a Parental Loss Part 2: New Growth Requires We Abide

Thank you for those of you who said you would pray for us. I have to tell you, I was assured of it last night. The Lord did not let this thing just go on anymore. He allowed us to sit with Princess, though it was not planned out or anything, and just have a heart to heart. What I had feared from having to correct her so much had happened, she felt we were angry at her. In great sincerity of heart I told her that we were not angry at all, but we were desperate. We were desperate that her heart be in submission to Christ and that she would be walking in His ways. I explained to her that to love her, is to be desperately concerned for her. We discussed how parents who leave their children to do whatever they want and act anyway they want are not loving their children as much. My example I used was our neighbor who she knows let's her children eat anything they want. Even if it means they have hot dogs and chips every meal. Her son will not eat a single fruit or vegetable. Princess herself has heard this mom over at our house saying "I just told them, fine, eat whatever, I'm tired of hearing it". I asked her if it was more loving to work with the child to make sure they ate better or to just let them destroy their bodies because it is too hard or inconvenient to battle with them. She agreed it was more loving to make sure they were fed properly. So, I said it is the same with our giving of instruciton. It would be so much easier to just throw our hands and say "do what you want" or "say whatever you want to all of us" instead of working with you and letting your character development bother us enough to guide you properly. To feed your spirit with God's way and not let you starve spiritually.

We asked her to be reconciled to the Lord in her heart. To which she welled up tears in her eyes and said that she had prayed twice for the Lord and nothing happened. To which my heart just swelled with emotion for her. How, well we all know that feeling and I knew it was time to understand what being a Christian was so this is what I said:

"Christ is not a magic button, Princess. We do not just ask for Him to be our Lord and he reaches down with a wand and says 'bibidy, bobidy, boo!' and our lives and behavior are perfect. That is not the way it works.

Have you seen the little oak tree outside Princess? All of it's leaves are a deep green except for the little tips of the branches. If you look close, you will see that the final inch or so of the tree has a new spring green of growth for the year. That means that in a whole year of taking in nourishment, sun and water, that tree has this tiny result to show for it. It does not look like much, but many years ago, that tree was the size of your brother. Years from now it will be the size of the great beautiful oak by the grain mill that is in the 1800's pictures of the original schoolhouse. It did not happen over night. This little tree has to be patient to grow at the pace God has for it to grow. Every spring those little green leaves are a great reminder to me of His faithfulness.

Now, if the little tree had decided it was not happy with it's rate of growth and gave up saying "I'm not good enough so I'll stop trying" and as a result it shut down it's root system and rejected the light from the sun, what would happen to the tree?"

"It would die" Princess said.

"Yes, it would. And that is why Christ told us to abide in Him. He says that if we abide in him, we will bear fruit. We don't read our bibles and pray out of ritual duty, we do it because we long to be close to him and abide in his will every day. We are virtually opening up our roots and receiving the water of life, and turning our faces to his light to feed our souls. Even when the tree does all this, it grows slowly at times. Some years are better than others. But, it will keep growing if it accepts what God tries to feed it.

We are here as your parents to be used by God to feed you. We try to feed you instruction, wisdom, guidance, right and wrong, love, protection, and all the things you need. If you reject these things, it will stunt your growth. You are getting older and are now able to abide in Christ through us and on your own. You can take the time to pour out your heart to God even tonight and ask Him to be on the throne of your heart instead of you. We promise you that if you abide in Him, you will see change in your life. Not overnight, but you will see it. It's the same lesson for mommy and daddy, we need to abide also or we don't grow. You are not alone in this journey but the important thing is to stay on it."

That is kind of the just of it. She seemed to really understand. She was worried that she could not fall asleep praying. I told her that my dad, her Papa, use to tell me that if you could not sleep praying to the Lord was always the best thing to do. Not only does it made you sleepy, but it sends you out on a peaceful note and your soul is at rest as well as your body.

(my little oak tree and it's yearly spring green growth that reminds me every time)

Sure enough, my little girl, who I went to check on in a little bit, was peacefully sound asleep.

Few Things So Lovely

Do you ever walk out on a cool evening just to catch a breathtaking sunset? Do you ever go and stand by the roar of the ocean and feel your soul just stretching out over the water to touch somehow the beauty your eyes take in? Do you ever look at a new life and just drink in the awe of brand new creation? All these things are glimpses of the glory of God and they make our souls absolutely soar with delight in something way bigger than we are. We were created to long for beauty beyond ourselves, the beauty of the glory of God. More in a minute.
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I love the second chapter of Acts. I love the amazing timing of God to bring the Holy Spirit at a time when so many men and women from so many nations would be gathered in one place to come to the knowledge of the gospel of God himself. I love that the fact that the Holy Spirit allowed the apostles to speak in all the languages that were represented there despite the fact that they had never heard perhaps a word of it themselves, let alone been trained in speaking it.
I love that it encourages me when I want to share the gospel with someone and just feel like I just don't "speak their language" seeing that we are so different perhaps, that the Spirit is given me just as it was to the Apostles and I don't have to worry about the details that God can handle.

I love that it reviews the fulfilled prophecy about the coming of the Spirit as well as the resurrection of Christ. It declares forth the validity of them both...rock solid.

I love that it includes the second most important event in church history (the first being the coming of the Spirit) being Peter's sermon which leads to the 3,000 converts all from those many many places ready now to go back, in perfect timing, to their own lands to declare and start the spread of the good news of salvation from sin.

Still, my favorite part comes at the very end. Just as any other thing right from the hand of God without the help of man, this picture is a lovely display of the power of the Spirit to accomplish the glory of God:
"Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and ppossessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved."

Does that not make your heart soar!? Just like the other "awe" inspiring things I mentioned above. These people were experiencing a glimpse of eternity. They were filled with joy and selflessness toward each other even to the point that they felt they had all things in common. Now, as with any group of humanity, they of course did not have ALL things in common, yet they had all that really mattered in this life in common, and temporal things in ownership to Christ and therefore held it to each other with open hand. Wow, the unity of that, and what a different picture than the world around us going for what each man can get for himself and the building up of his own importance and confidence.
They were sharing the joy of food together in a wonderful fellowship. Not hording their own food for their own families (as they actually had very little and could have been perhaps justified to do so in the sense of it being more "smart" perhaps) but making sure all were provided for and met in their needs.
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It's obvious that in our world, every man longs for peace. He longs for the world to become a better place and for us all to just work together for the greater good. Though this desire is misguided through the fall and sin has twisted it into goal for blowing up our own vanities and the vanity of mankind itself (therefore positively effecting us as well), it comes from a desire given to us by God. Yet, our peace is found in LETTING GO of everything that would build us up and giving it in open hand to where God would use it for His purposes. It was such a beautiful picture of everything humanity is NOT on his own, that it drew in more and more unbelieving people. They were in awe of this unity.
I wonder if the church today is as beautiful to those who look upon us. It should be. It should be amazing what Christians do for others because of the love they have for Christ. They should feel that we would just as earnestly give what we had for a need they had as well. It is undeniable beauty and not something that we could just conjure up. Just like the sunset or the waves of the sea, it is awesome and God revealing. It makes us long to be a part of it because it is bigger than the self-seeking beings that we are.

Easter Was Only The Begining and What Was To Come Is Of Colossal Importance For Every Day Life

I had a hard time absorbing Easter this year. I felt myself making a concerted effort to stop and reflect on the death of my Lord and the significance of His resurrecting from the dead. The two biggest events in human history followed up by even the prior birth of Christ, one would think would move me each time beyond measure. Yet, sometimes it doesn't. Ooooh, that makes me sound like such a bad Christian does it not?!

The fact is, the crucificiton and the resurrection are events in history that I utterly believe in but that are far away from my own every day reality. That is just the truth of it. Only by the impression on my heart from God's Holy Spirit are my eyes even open to receive and believe those truths. Though they are massive, earth shattering, and eternally life changing to me, they are emotionally and practically a long way away from my every day and I feel I have to work my brain to travel back to what I even have knowledge of regarding their existence.

So, this morning I was greatly impressed and encouraged by an event no less significant that allows the "rubber" of the Easter story to hit the "road" of my life.

Most of you know that Passover is before Easter. That the last supper took place at Passover. That passover is a remembrance of when God rescued the Israel nation out of slavery and brought them into the promised land. It was a time to put the blood of a lamb on the door post so the angel of death would passover the home of those who put their faith in God. You also know that this was indeed a foreshadowing of the coming of Christ to be the Lamb of God, shed his blood, that though faith would allow the freedom from slavery to sin as well as salvation from eternal death.

Jesus was crucified after the passover meal and rose from the dead three days later. Of course his resurrection and it's significance trumps any other before or after existing belief regarding the salvation of humanity. It fulfills all prophecy to the "T", and it allows and points to the possibility of our own certain resurrection in bodily form before the creation of the New Earth as we are told in Revelation.

When Jesus rose from the dead he appeared to the disciples and ate meals with them to prove he was not just spirit but risen body as well. He remained with them for 40 days teaching them about the Kingdom of God.

All great events, all foundational and life changing for me of course. However, nothing I have participated in myself or been able to witness to where my memory is forever branded with experiential absorption of truth. What is experienced in my life happened 50 days after that Passover.

It's called the Feast of Weeks and is also known as "Pentecost" (meaning "fiftieth") celebrated 50 days after Passover in May/June (Lv 23:15-22). For years, and years, and years, the people of Israel came to Jerusalem to celebrate this important event.

It's astounding to me how consistent God is. I'm so thankful for that. How important absolutely perfect timing is to him as well. He is precise, concise, and affirmative. He used the events of Jesus to coincide and tie up all loose ends of the rituals of the Old Testament and make them complete and fulfilled. Wow. For it was at this exact time that the events of Acts chapter 1 take place. The promise given by Jesus (vs.8) to send the helper, the comforter, the source of power, the very spirit of Himself would come to pass at this time. It was called the Pentecost. During the former feast at Pentecost, the firstfruits were offered and the image is paralleled and fulfilled as the Holy Spirit came and brought the firstfruits of the gospel of Jesus the Christ through the salvation of the first Christians that day.

The amazing thing is that this is something I am a part of. It was the beginning, but I get to be part of the story. The apostles had to wait for this special event but all after are given the Holy Spirit at salvation. That means that the power that motivated Christ to obey the will of God even unto death, now dwells in me. It means that the comfort he gave out to others in his human life, is given to me, just as if his very hands were laid upon me. It means that his Spirit to fulfill the will of God on earth is moving and working even now on this earth and through His great grace, it is moving through my very life and circumstances. It means that my life can be decided in every detail by God's direction. There are no more chances, guesses or good luck/bad luck outcomes. Notice that even the last decision made by the disciples before the Holy Spirit came was made by the casting of lots. They cast lots between whether Matthias or Barabbas (or Justus) should be the disciple to replace Judas. They trusted God to decide through this practical process proven by their prayer in verse 24. It was an OT way of determining the will of God. That was about to change. God was about to become even more intimate than just saving our souls. He was going to hand us the very spirit of His son to navigate our steps till we reach the end. If we belong to Him and prayerfully decide what to do in life, He will lead us in the will of God. That is an amazing thing if you really think about it.

In summary, it's kind of a "that was then, this is now" story. Try as we might to muster up emotions and significant responses to the events of Christ's cross and resurrection, we waver and we fail. We come and we go. We are unpredictable and unsteady. We are distant from the event itself and unable to grasp it's importance fully.

Then God gave his intimate solution to the problem he knew all to well that we had. Wanting to help us, love us, and guide us through, he unleashed the Holy Spirit of his beloved Son into our very lives so that He can navigate and keep faithfully that which has been in trusted to His care. We are not powerful. We are not comforted. We are not wise. We are not fulfilled and focused. Yet the event of the Pentecost, 50 days from Passover, and up and coming on your calendar, is the phase two in the Easter Story. It is the hand to be held, the motivation to be used, the peace to be permeated, the direction to be led, and the companion so treasured along the rest of a journey for the Glory of God. For Him, to Him, and by Him, making us complete in Christ.

So, whatever you do....don't stop celebrating if you believe, because this is where YOU come in to the story itself!

Be encouraged.

Take a Little Scripture, Put It In Your Pocket...Save It For a Rainy Day

There is certainly nothing wrong with that. The right verse at the right time has been a great encouragement to many. But I've been pondering the problem with a pattern of feeding on the word this way. It's like spiritually starving yourself on a few peanuts you carry around in your pocket. After a while your malnourishment catches up with you.

I also apply this analogy to when scripture is "carried" around and quoted for use by the person needing that one biblical quote that makes valid their point in conversation. It can just be thrown out there as emphasis but rarely is it studied for context or meaning. Many times I have been swayed into an idea by someone I respected doing this to me. I did not know the word enough myself to discern their proper usage of it.

As I'm in this new and different mode in my life right now that I spoke of before, I feel the need to purge my impressions and influences down to (1) what God's word itself says and (2) who God wants me as the individual he made, to be. Therefore I'm growing weary and shockingly considering ridding myself of books related to conduct rather than concept study.

For instance, I have long been a fan of Elizabeth George books ("A Woman after God's own Heart" books). Many of the things she has to say are good but they are all on the definitions of conduct for a godly woman. I use to go more to these to find out what I was supposed to be. They have some great example to offer but they really are just another version of looking to others to see what defines a godly woman instead of intimately seeking the Lord through study of His word, for Him to show me the conduct of THIS godly woman (or aspiring one anyway:). I remember one example in particular where Elizabeth George mentions that a woman ought to keep the house so well, and wipe the surfaces of everything before heading out the door each time in order for herself and her family to always come home to a clean house. It sounded great and godly at the time, but really? Is that really what defines godliness? Or is it just the expressed preference of one christian lady writer and a reflection of her own personality. Is the woman who is not so tidy not as godly of a woman and not a "woman after God's own heart?". Hmmm.

Please don't think I'm nitpicking...there are many good things to be gleaned out there in the world of Christian women's books. I'm just feeling the need to get right to the source more. I have found that my understanding is not as great when a women's book tells me "now turn to this scripture here, and that one there" after trying to back up a concept on womanly conduct that she has presented. THIS IS NOT BAD, and I'm not saying it is. I'm looking for better. I'm looking for 100% pure, with no flavors added.

So, I have greatly enjoyed the inductive study method through the tools of Kay Arthur's Precept Study Guides. (You can find out more about this at the Precept Ministries Site) These along and many times buddied up with the wonderful teaching of our Pastor, who goes through large sections, usually books, of scripture at a time, have changed my understanding and comprehension of scripture so much more. For instance my Pastor is in the book of Acts right now so I am using the Precept Study Guide for Acts. God is always faithful to fine tune my understanding of the conduct of my life every time I go straight to his word. It's just starting to feel like getting to the point instead of beating around the bush and having to filter out how one person prefers to do certain things and label them "godly" or "ungodly".

What I do appreciate in Christian writing more and more are books that are conceptual. Those concepts or topics on understanding aspects of scripture or God himself. John Piper, Jerry Bridges, Randy Alcorn, and John MacArthur are just some of the tip top favorite examples. These men have been pouring themselves over God's word in the inductive study methods for sure, for many years. God has opened their hearts with passions for different topics and enlightened their understanding and desire to share. Those are the books I feel I'm not wasting my time on.

So the bottom line is that as I'm asking myself "Lord, who do you want me to be?" it is only one of many questions my heart asks. The others are "Lord, who are you?" or "Lord what does it mean to suffer in life when we know you? or "Lord, what exactly is your plan for humanity?"...and many others. The first question I'm finding is better answered going right to God's word and letting him intimately show me. Who he wants me to be cannot be found in the hundreds of women's books on what a woman should be. Yes, I could read them all and I could probably put together a picture that's true but that would be after I spent hours sifting out what was NOT me and what was or what was scripture and what was preference or personality. Scripture is living and breathing and equip for all teaching and conduct. Why not go right to the source?

Scripture is more than a verse in my pocket when I need it or more than a tool for one person to validate their way of doing things. It is an intimate understanding and connection to God who desires to show us personally where and how and why we should walk. To do that I need to learn in a conceptional and inductive way. Once I've done that, then I can carry that verse in my pocket knowing from whence it came and what it means in context to the whole. It's the bigger picture that will gain my understanding, convict my heart, and light the path for my next step ahead.

It's quite a relief that God all ready knows who I'm supposed to be in him and just waiting for me to come to Him so that he may show me. I don't have to try on a bunch of other personalities for size only to find them uncomfortable and stifling.

When "How DOES She Do That?" Bogs You Down

I've been hanging out at the school a lot today. Princess has a noon Easter picnic I'm here for and I decided to give myself a "day off" of sorts and enjoy the Internet in the computer lab for a while. I REALLY look forward to getting my computer back. I was just reading Money Saving Mom and thinking "ahhhh, I really need this resource!"
While there I found a great new blog I want to check out more when I DO get my computer again. It's called The Prudent Homemaker. I like that she tries to live off of what she has more and that her recipes are categorized as well by seasons of the year. I hope to do that more in the future.

However, skipping over to her blog just sent me off an emotional cliff of sorts from building thoughts the last few days.

I've been tired since coming back from the science camp with Princess. It was so fun but I was only away from the cabin of six girls for 45 minutes each day and the second day my 45 minutes were spent coloring the props for their little skit they all get to put on while there. So, I was quite tired.

I arrive home wanting so badly to pick up my projects for spring but having NO energy and somewhat of a head cold. I start feeling this mounting pressure in my mind of all the really great things I want to do. Here are some of mine:

Finish staining the fence

Hoe up the garden

Expand the garden by digging up more ground

Sand the play structure and stain it too

Sand the deck and stain it (replace the two bad boards)

Have the girls plant their personal gardens in the half barrels

Build the steps off the back of the deck

Move the stepping stones to where they now need to be

Put boarders on the grass

Dig up the yard the dog destroyed and re-seed it

Level out under the play structure and prepare it for pebbles or sand

Oh, I won't go on and bore you!

Those are just my outdoor things.

Before I left I spent a week doing outdoor things. The result? My yard looked better, my house looked worse. I was bad about dinner making and exhausted by eight.

Lately I have been feeling the days are shorter and shorter and shorter. How DO some people do so much and categorically document their doings as well? How DO some women cook from scratch, nurse a baby, plant a garden, school their children, sew their clothes and whatever else superhero mom stuff they decide to do? I love gleaning from their ideas but really, HOW?

The Lord speaks to my heart by this time and that is really what I wanted to share. I recall this little song I learned as a kid and I don't know what it is or where it's from but this is the part he brings to mind:

"we all have different talents,

we all have different gifts,

we all were fashioned out to fill

a special little niche" (at least that's how I remember it:)

I remember that the only solution to life is to let the Lord lead you from one thing to the other. It all comes back to simplicity. Asking what He wants of me today. There are so many great things I want to do, learn, accomplish, experience and so on, but there are very few things he has in the day for me to do. That is the reality of it.

I truly believe that this feeling is part of the curse of our stunted lifetimes. I believe we were given a drive born out of the creator himself to do, create, accomplish and experience an eternity of things. All of these involve his creation, ourselves and each other. We are SUPPOSED to want to do so much. Yet, the reality of it is that here on earth, we just won't be able to. Again, I look forward to that in eternity. This is why reaing Randy Alcorn's book changed my life. Somehow I grew up in a Christian home not really understanding what eternity and heaven would really be. When we remember that, we can let so much go and be more focused on God's mission for our alien journey here. I have long since wanted to put a cute sign on my home that says "This is a tent, it's not my home". We are only passing through and with limited resources of many kinds. Our brains cannot learn enough, our money cannot buy enough, our time cannot produce enough. The greatest gift is learning to be okay with that I think. The greatest joy is finding what God has in the midst of it that IS for us, each and every one. Because when it's something GOD has for us here on this earth, we WILL have the knowledge (from Him), we WILL have the strength (from Him), we will have the funds (from Him), and we will have all that we need according to HIS riches and HIS glory.

So, if you are feeling like I have been the last few days and you just feel like you don't have enough or do enough, remember with me to ask for your portion and know that's it's enough because it's from Him who gives fully and who holds more for you down the road.

Carry Your Story, Loose Your Burdens

I've been thinking a lot this weekend. You can imagine, the type of thinking you start to wish you could just stop with a switch. Well, I did, I took a long afternoon nap.

I've been thinking about the Christian life. I've been thinking about this verse:
(forgive me I don't know the reference)
"Let us throw off every burden
And the sin which so easily entangles,
and let us RUN with endurance
The race that is set BEFORE us."

Notice the verse does not read like this:
"Let us gather our rocks of guilt and shame,
Let us put them on our backs and tie up our feet with falsehoods,
and let us hobble backwards as much as possible
All the days of our lives."

I know, it's ridiculous isn't' it?! Yet, it's easily done. This is how:
"Let us throw off every burden"- what are the things that burden us? They are guilt and shame from the wrong things we have done. Maybe Christ has forgiven us but we have not forgiven ourselves. Perhaps they are wrongs done against us or bitterness that collects and is not cleaned out of our hearts. They can be fear of the future and pain of the past. They are heavy collections of what has gone wrong and what we fear MAY still go wrong in our lives. They can even be non-sinful things that have just gone wrong for us in life. They can be loss and misfortune or temporal distresses the Lord has allowed to take place. They only become a burden when we keep carrying them ourselves. He intends for them to make us strong but if we carry them as burdens we will be weaker and even stunted. We will also not be focused on Him and what he wants us to do from there, we will only see the burden in our hands and the tears that fall upon it.
What are we to do with them? LAY THEM ASIDE! Throw them off. They have no place on the backs of the followers of Christ and not because of us but because of...well, I'll tell you what because of in a minute.

"And the sin which so easily entangles"- What is the sin that entangles us? When I think of entangling I think of secrets and lies; falsehoods spoken from and against us. I also think of idols that can even be ourselves or others that we put before Christ and serve above or in place of Him. They trap us, they trip us up.
What are we to do with them? BE FREE OF THEM! Not allow ourselves to become entangled. Not allow anything to take the place of truth and freedom in Christ's redemptive work in our lives. Entangling gives me the mind picture of lot's of little things that become big things and cause hurt, mistrust, pain and grief. We are to avoid them with truth and Love. Our result will be joy and peace. We do not do this for us, we do it because...well, I'll tell you what because in a minute!:)

"And let us RUN with endurance"- To run is not only to move forward, but to move forward quickly looking neither to the right nor to the left but straight and quick to our goal. There is no doddling, no staying in the tangles and burdens and no walking aback to pick them up again once we laid the down just to remember what it was like to carry them. No remembering of them at all except in testimony of the glory of He who freed us from them. We are to RUN! How do we run? We carry on in the will of God in joy and freedom and we delight in the steps that we take and the energy and strength the Lord gives us from himself to make them. We do not run for ourselves, we run because...well, I'll tell you what because in a minute.:*

"The race that is set BEFORE us"- What is before is never defined by what lies behind. It is however a developed story along the way of what the Lord has done for us along the way and why BECAUSE OF THAT we are able to press BEFORE US in joy. "Look what he did back there! My burden is gone and he made my path more beautiful and gave me more strength because of it!" "Praise him and let me share with you!" "You can let go too, and you can run with endurance because of His goodness!". You do not run back to examine your burdens and consider picking them up again. That would shame Him who took them from you so that you can run before in freedom. Yet, you also do not feel shame when you say what they were and that His work has taken them off of you as you press BEFORE. You continually testify what makes you run straight and strong and to mention that you may need to tell of the entangling and the burdens but you DO NOT take them with you for show and tell! They are gone and at the feet of Jesus. You do not do this for you....you do it for ....

Have you got it yet? YES! YOU DO IT FOR HIM! He alone allows us to lay aside the burdens and lay them at his feet. He alone detangles the messes we make in our lives so we can run ahead. Yet, even in that, we do not run for ourselves, we run for Him! We testify for Him! We focus on Him and He does not disappoint. We make the decsion to RUN, we do not wait for the mood to hit us or the feelings to push us ahead. We just do it. (isn't that ironically a Nike comercial slogan?) We also do not pray, and I know we do this, "Lord HELP me forgive this person becuase I know you want me to Lord". I don't ever remember reading a scripture that says to pray that the Lord would help us forgive, it does just say to forgive. It's a decision also and we are to just do it. On the way the gifts we find along the way are the fruits of the Spirit: Love, Joy, and Peace being the main ones from which the others flow. Love, is above all else for it covers a multitude of sins. Sins we hold over ourselves, and sins we hold over others. Love is the minister of burden lifting and detangling. We can NEVER BE out of the will of God when we are showing love in His name.
To forget these things, to forget Him who has freed us; to take back up our burdens or not to drop them at all, to leave our feet in tangles, to freeze out of fear and not put our feet forward not only to doddle but to RUN, is to loose focus on Christ. The author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set BEFORE HIM, endured the cross. So that you, so that I, so that we, can RUN. So we can feel the breezes of life hit us in the face without shame for what lies behind us and without fear of what is yet ahead. He who holds us does not rest. He neither sleeps nor slumbers. He is intent and intimately aware of the details of our path and He desires that we RUN BEFORE for Him. We are not to argue with him as to what we still feel we aught to have to carry. That is called guilt and there is no room for it in his race. We cannot say "Lord, I thank you for forgiving me of this boulder but I think I deserve to carry it still because of the wrong I did you". "No, he says, I bled so you could lay it aside but more than that, you will not be able to RUN BEFORE as I want you to, not for you, but for me, and your burden would remind and condemn you along the way. Therefore, you do not get to decide to carry it. I tell you to lay it aside. You need to obey me. I love you and know what is good for you.
There is no room for walking backwards in the Christian life. By throwing off burdens you are free to shamlessly declare that you had them, that they are gone and that God has made you free. By refusing entanglement you keep you feet steady and prepared to go forward.

We live in a burdensome world of sin. I think that the reason Jesus wants us to run before every moment in the light of his redemptive work is this: if we stand still or meander back hording our burdens as our own or allowing our feet to stay entangled we not only become non-productive in the work of Christ, but we stand the chance of becoming consumed the longer we stand still. Any message beside the one that is from the Lord telling us to lay them aside, is a message of deception and it will allow those burdens to grow and those tangles to spread.
I personally don't want to waste any time in my life when I could be RUNNING BEFORE.....
FREE with a story in my pocket but not a pebble on my back.

(this is my last post for real now as my computer goes out tomorrow morning. feel free to comment, i will take the moderators off so you can leave them and I will try to check in from my neighbors till the computer comes back)

The Real Mr. Incredible Was No Einstein

Rick was reading bible stories to the kids last night from an old vintage story book that my dad use to read to me when I was little. I usually would take this time to have a moment to myself in the evening after homeschooling all day. Now I'm sitting with them and just started a crochet project to do during our family time. It's so nice to have had my sanity through part of the day to have the energy for family, I'm loving it.
Anyway, Rick was reading many stories but one of them was of Samson. I guess I really just don't think about the story that much but really, have you ever thought about that story? It really seems like a fable in many ways. I can even swallow the Jonah (ha, ha) story better than this one. Don't get me wrong, I believe it's true for one reason, I BELIEVE the Bible to be 100% truth. Those thing that seem impossible are tiddly winks to what God is capable of. Just for fun though lets review the real Mr. Incredible for a moment.

-He captured 300 foxes:

Really, how DOES one do that? It's not like you have 300 fox cages on hand and holding 300 foxes at a time is well...ha, impossible! Further more, how is it that there were 300 foxes available for him to capture!? As if this were not bizarre enough, consider that he tied their tales together. Can you imagine how you tie 300 fox tails together without them running off? After all that, the poor things had their tails lit on fire to run through the field. Poor little varmints! Why didn't he just SET the field on fire? Who knows.

-He killed 1000 men with a jawbone of a donkey:

Okay, so you've hear it a hundred times if you are a kid who grew up with these stories. Stop though..... a thousand men!? When was the last time you were in a room with a thousand men? How is it that they collectively could not overpower him? I mean, it's not like he even had a gun or a bow and arrow which would make them want to step back and hide. He just was swinging a mean thing. He must have been absolutely incredible to not just stun, not just frighten away, but to KILL all of those thousand men with a large bone in his hand.

-He pulled out the gates of the city and ran 20 miles with them.

Have you ever seen the defending gates of old cities? This is not your garden gate variety. These are heavy and strong. Getting them out would be amazing alone, but he didn't stop there and just throw them on the ground, nope. He lifted them and carried them off. Not only so, he carried them for 20 miles! Think of a place that is 20 miles from you. I don't think I'd want to carry my groceries 20 miles, let alone city gates. This is crazy power!

-He killed a lion with his bare hands. Well, nuff said on that one.

However, Samson was seemingly dense. What God gave him to be strong in, he was amazingly strong in a most superhuman sense. The enemy knew his weakness though, and he used it to full advantage. Of course we know all these things were in the plan of God but still, it's something to take note of and watch out for.

Not only is he dumb enough to fall into the influences of the women on the very side that God is not pleased with, the Philistines, he is as gullible as a child with her.

She tries to get his secret of strength, he lies. She yells "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" and he wakes with a start to defeat them. If this happened once, any smart man would get that this woman was up to betraying him. Nope, not Samson, he let's this happen three times and worse than that...he gives the truth in end! Did he not have an idea that this might happen to him?! Did he not get that "if I do this, then she does that, then I get attacked" was becoming a pattern? Though there is great sadness in what happened to Samson, one feels for a moment that he "duh!", should have got a clue.

Then I think about myself. How often I let the world get me and look back and say "duh!" to myself. How often I get swept into temporal thrills and forget my eternal goals. How quick I exchange the power of the Spirit of God for the tiny things I want here and now. Our pastor has been preaching on the Holy Spirit and I've been excited to understand him for the first time in my life. It has changed the way I pray. In the morning I pray for myself and all of my family one by one and by name:

"Lord, may the Holy Spirit do work in (my, or the other person's name)'s life today. May he have victory today over (my, or other)'s sinful human nature and work in their (or my) life and heart to the glory of God the Father."

Why this prayer?

Because I tend to get wrapped up too quickly in the part I play, or think I play in the work of God, and I forget that the bible tells me that anything I do is in reality the work of the Holy Spirit of God himself at work in me. I also then forget that I need to be instep with that Holy Spirit as he works to move in my life, and obey his promptings on the temporal vs. eternal issues that come up. They can be so small. With Samson, he thought he was just having a conversation with his girlfriend and yet, the course of events that followed were huge.

Conclusion:

The power of the Holy Spirit wants to work in my heart, mind and soul for the glory of God. In big amazing challenges, he can overcome. In little seemingly mundane decisions, he wants to use his power and strength to bring about the glory of God too. I need to be alert to stay in step. I am certain that if I did this more, I could avoid some painful humbling events in my life. And since doing this itself is not a work of mine either, I can pray that the Holy Spirit would tune my ear to his voice, for I certainly am born not to hear at all.

Note: Incase you did not notice, I'm not doing blog themes lately. I have not had that much time to blog.

Those Who Govern Are Established By God

Our pastor was brave enough to address the biblical issues on the table with the upcoming election (click here to hear "A Chritian Perspective On Political Envolvement"). Another great sermon.

Something wonderful that was applicable to our lives now and worthy of teaching our children was Romans 13:1-7.

The first verse is the most important to the times I think:

"Every person is to be in subjection tot his governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God."

It is a verse that revolutionizes our stress levels when it comes to politics, stretches our faith in God, and changes our attitudes toward those appointed with whom we disagree. Of course the application is obvious in regard to the coming Presidential outcome. Even NoBama....ur...I mean, Obama if elected will be there because God established him to be. Not that he is a mistake and God will have to work with it, God will have appointed him. Another post could be written on the purposes God may have for the challenge of such a man in office. Not today though.

What really was impressed upon us was that we have an obligation to live out this faith to our children. We should speak boldly to them about the issues where they are right and where they are wrong, but we need to maintain a joyful attitude of respect and honor of the man once he's there, no mater who he is. For according to this verse, there is no authority figure not appointed by him. To resist the authority would be to go against God. Unless the authority asks of us to go against God as the men in Paul's time did in telling him not to preach. He of course did not obey. The verses go on to say that these men are not a cause of fear for those who do good, but to control those who do not. So, we respect them as a minister of God for our good (vs. 4)

Princess had a substitute teacher a week ago that was not good with the kids. Princess has loved going to school so far, but the second day that she knew this substitute would be there, she was playing the sick card. I am, along with other mom's, making an official complaint because of some of the ways this woman dealt with the children ..

(oh, my word, Superkid just brushed his teeth with DESITIN!!!!! LOL! I didn't even know we had any of that anymore....oh dear!! Rick is going to brush them over again and hopefully fix the problem...eeek)

.. and her impatience with them. However, she was really getting verbally disrespectful in her critique of this woman and Rick and I had to remind her to be respectful even if things were not going well. We reminded her that the bible tells us to respect authority because it was from Him. We were not sure where the passage was till pastor preached. So, this has really given us more to work with. It's a hard lesson to learn that you have to show respect for the position. If you are doing what you are supposed to, then you don't need to worry. Only worry if you are not. We explained to her that even that teacher had been appointed by God to be her authority for those days and she needed to honor that.

The next few years, depending on how the vote goes, may be a time when our children have to see our faith lived out and our trust in God above men revealed. It will be challenging, and there may be deeper conversations around the dinner table, but it will be important for them to see us hope in the Lord above all, and to trust that what He says in Romans 13 is true. Whether its Nobama or a cranky substitute teacher.

Afterthought: You know whats a great thought to relish? If Romans 13 is true, even an ungodly man in authority will be fulfilling the very purposes of God without knowledge of his particiation. Ooooo... I just love that thought!

A Burden To Support Christian Public School Moms

I'm sitting here getting ready to blog this and just awestruck to be here. The person I was a year ago would not only gasp at the change, she would have legalistically condemned it. I just can't believe the journey God has me on. It went from hating the public schools and absolutely sure it was not an option (or further more, a great evil) to sending my kids, to being involved there, and now to a burden I'm developing for christian mom's out there in the schools as well.

This burden is growing as I've slowly been reading vibes out there in the christian world on the subject of school. In researching I have found shocking opinions from christian people on public school. This one down right disturbed me. One man said to the Pitchard Family who wrote the book "Going Public: Your Child Can Thrive In Public School":

"You will lead millions straight to hell by encouraging them to go to government schools!"

Wow, I never knew there was such hostility out there toward our fellow believers. Since when did God get so small that He is unable to sanctify our children when they are in the public arena? Is He only in charge when we are keeping them at home? Does this mean that homeschool sends every child to heaven? Let's think about what were are saying here people. We are in the world and Jesus does not want us to be removed from it:

John 17:15

"I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one.

Of course the world is evil! What do we expect?

1 John 5:19

We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.

1 John 4:3-5

But when someone doesn't say this about Jesus, you know that person has a spirit that doesn't come from God and is the enemy of Christ. You knew that this enemy was coming into the world and now is already here.
4Children, you belong to God, and you have defeated these enemies. God's Spirit is in you and is more powerful than the one that is in the world. 5These enemies belong to this world, and the world listens to them, because they speak its language.

We have a victor, and we do not need to fear or hide!

1 John 5:4-5

whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?

John 16:33

These things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye may have peace. In the world ye have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

This thinking of always hiding away is a slippery slope when we carry it all the way through. Should we all just congregate and live together not exposing ourselves at all to the world? No? Just the the kids because they are the vulnerable ones right? Well, the fact is, we are all vulnerable and we all need to be strengthened in God's truth and learn to stand up for His gospel. Whether we are 5 or 95. Otherwise we will start looking more like a cult than Gospel. Good news is not meant to be kept to ones self. Otherwise it is news to no one.

If you are so called, you children, my children, can learn these truths as they grow up in the world just as thoroughly (if not more so) than if we shelter them from it for 18 years. Further more, if God calls you to keep them at home, he has a special purpose for doing that as well. What I have a problem with is Christians saying there is one formula to godliness in the area of schooling. God certainly puts limits on us, we are NOT to put limits on Him.

Many of us need to ask if we are answering God's call or just following a "look good" christian movement. More than anything we need to be saturated with the fact that God is bigger than the world and He will use everything for His glory in our children if they are called. We need to ask ourselves if we are putting our faith in a formula, or our faith in Him. Our faith is small when we put limits on God. Our faith is big the bigger we see God. Without faith, it is impossible to please Him. Therefore homeschooling without faith, is not pleasing to God.

The fact is, I don't want to start a movement away from anything, including homeschooling. I want to start a movement toward something. God's will for women and their families. I don't understand, the more I read, why people think they are on different sides of the fence when they are all in the body of Christ. I don't' know why I thought that. I hope to save others from my dogmatic thinking. I hope to encourage a spirit of unity and help quiet the "mommy wars" on this subject. I don't even really understand why I've been given this burden but it's there let me tell ya. A woman should never have to feel condemned for not homeschooling, or even having to work for that matter, but that's another topic for another blog. If homeschool women are so legalistic in their writings that women in the schools are beginning to feel that way, then something is wrong. The encouraging of one another is not taking place. We have taken our eyes off Christ and put them on ourselves. Yes, even in the homeschool world personified by great "godliness" is taking it's eyes of Christ when it does this. I am not immune to it either let me tell you. Even when God called us to the public school I felt for a while so convinced that this was really the mission, I started to feel that my homeschool friends should join me. The Lord right away corrected this thinking and has set me on a path to pursuing encouragement for women in their intimate relationship with God and the individuals He created them to be. I am very much an all or nothing person. God does not work that way with people because as the orchestrator he has designed each for it's unique purpose and with it's own gifts. To say that everyone should do what I do is looking at one person...ME.

I do think there may be women out there who are not doing well with the homeschooling but feel there is no other option because public school would be wrong. After all, that is what has been preached to them out loud, and in a much more powerful undertone. Those are the women I want to talk to here. I was one of those women. Perhaps they feel like failures and their children are miserable. Perhaps they jump from one method to another only to find themselves still overwhelmed with no energy for the children outside of getting school done, and no energy for their husbands at the end of the day. Perhaps they play the TV all afternoon to get a break. Perhaps they dread the coming of the new day because of how hard it is. Yet, they think they are just not spiritual enough and need to try harder. They need to be more unselfish. Perhaps God wants them in the public schools, but when they think of it they think that's selfish of them, or that there is no way that can be because the public school is not godly. Surely, homeschooling is the godly choice, no matter how miserable they all were. That woman was me.

Or, perhaps there are women out there who are in the public school and they wear a burden of guilt because of the persona that real godly women homeschool. Since they don't, they feel insecure and they consider themselves bad mom's.

When will we stop measuring ourselves and let God be God?

When will we stop saying there are things we would never consider an option and seek God in prayer for his will every step of the way?

When will we stop looking to formulas and look to God?

When will we stop acting like we are on different sides of a river when we are all actually in same the river flowing up to the glory of God and His purposes.

Why do we feel that if God wants something for us, he must want it for everyone?

This is the boldest statement I've made thus far on this journey but it's burden the Lord has given me. Before I say it, I want to remind the readers that I am certain that God calls women to homeschool. That is absolutely certain and they are in God's will when they have sought Him and obeyed.

Still:

I believe the enemy is thrilled that all the Christians have left the public schools.

I never saw this before till now. He must be elated we have all left to huddle in our own masses. We are no longer a threat to his moving and working among all those children and families who don't know Christ. Legalism is not of God and therefore a tool of the enemy to direct us away from His will. He will use even this to take our eyes off God and to make us ineffective in the world.

So, this message is for one type of mom. The mom who's husband and she are restless in homeschooling and wondering what to do. Pray, and ask God if you might be called to be a bold and brave mom in the public school.

Also, for the mom who has been called there. Do not be discouraged. Seek out MORE ways to be involved. To be Christ to those kids and teachers and parents.

I want to thank my personal friends (all of whom homeschool) who have been so gracious to me in this change the Lord has led me on. A year ago, I don't know if I could have been as gracious as you have been if you told me you were moving into public school. God has humbled me greatly through your testimony to me. After seeing how much is out there that is pridefully condemning, I am blessed so much by the sisters around me! I pray God continues to work out his unique purposes in each of your families.

To those who I know, and who have commented that they have children still not ready for school, I found your statements wise. You are absolutely right to wait upon the Lord and seek Him when the time comes. In fact, you should continue that for the next near 18 years of each child's life. To say now that you don't know what you'll do is the best place to be. I use to say a lot that I will do this, and I will do it forever. Oh, God humors me. :) I have learned to say only one thing:

I will do what God wants, when He let's me know to do it. More than anything, I will remember always how big he is and how great my tendency is to put human limits on Him. God is big, I am small....and that's just the way I like it!

I am going to create today a section on the sidebar for links for women in the public schools. It will be blogs of mom's who are out there and have a heart for the glory of God as well. There will be a link for the Pitchard family as well, and information about their book.

I will also be starting a new element here on the blog. I'm calling it "Seek the Lord in Schooling Saturday". Saturday will be a day I may share updates, and prayer concerns. I encourage readers to post comment if you have any specific praises or prayer concerns for your school week. Homeschool, Christian school, Public School....each and every one.

Thank you to you mom's who have agreed to be links on the new blog list, and welcome!

The Public School Adventure Update

I was back in kindergarten today till lunch time. It reminded me that I wanted to take a step back and report on how things are going.



I'm going to use a pro and con format to keep it simple since it's rather random information anyway.



What's been hard?

1- Last week was a rough week with Princess's attitudes. I was tempted to be discouraged. "Lord, this is what I was afraid of, the bad attitudes wearing off on my all ready dramatic daughter!" He reminded me quite truthfully that his purpose for her right now was to bring up these things so that we as her parents can shepherd her through them. I wanted to just get mad and return to the sheltering she had in homeschool because it was exhausting to deal with it. He convicted me to pray, and for my husband and I to disciple her. It meant explaining to Rick what was going on, and having some talks with her. Leading her back to the Lord. I told her that she is in a situation where she can do one of two things: (1) she can let the world dull her spirit and character or (2) she can reconcile to God and let this sharpen her. It was a good talk and I realized that in homeschooling, we would never have had to work through that. She may have walked away from home and years of sheltering to be totally unable to filter influence. Only God knows that. I just want to walk in the way He shows me for now.

She is making straight A's, and lots of friends. Kids come up to me and say "(her name) rocks!". "Well, I'm thankful you are making friends, and I'm thankful you are making great grades, but Princess, I want you to score in your character first. If you fail in grades, and have no friends but your heart is set on Christ and your character firm, you are shining in my eyes. When you can come home and speak to your parents and siblings the way God would have you , you are in great victory."

It was hard to deal with , it was uncomfortable. I wanted to go back to hiding. God used it to lead our daughter. I thank Him.



2-Lilo sprouted the same sort of thing with her character last week (must have been a bad week). She is normally very easy going. She was yelling when she got frustrated with her brother and sister.

Again, prayer, fight the temptation to hide them away, and deal with her character. Daddy talked to her. Things have been great since.



3-Through this I've recognized the bad thing that tries to creep in and I am alert to it. When we spend the day away from eachother from 8:20-2:20, we all can get cranky about coming back together harmoniously. Rick and I have to be family minded and relay that to the kids. We are the most important to eachother and if we cannot love eachother, we are failing even if we are out in the world being nice to everyone. Coming home and having to put up with your siblings after getting to be with kids on your own age level all day, is challenging. It is another chance to lead them to what Christ wants us to do toward eachother.



4-A little boy in Princess class who has some real anger issues at times, stood up and yelled at the whole class "I'm going to kill you all!". When she came home and told me I thought "Okay Lord, no way! Someone is going to go nuts and kill shoot my kids!!!" He reminded me like he did at the beginning that he was in control. This little boy has some real issues. He has been over to our house many times since school started, he is the one who liked Princess, and he has gone to awana with the kids once. He was born with a cleft pallet and has had lots of reconstructive surgery and braces to reform his face and mouth. His dad is in jail for DUI and his mom is raising him and his sister. I know he is not one to really do anything to these kids but it was shocking to realize how "out there" we are. God has really laid this little boy on our hearts and we hope you can join us in praying for him. His name is frank. He has been expelled from the school because of what happened and is being homeschooled by his grandma, but he comes by to play so we still see him a lot.




What has been great?



1- We all know that "no child left behind really has become "every child pushed ahead". I've seen it in my own neighborhood talking to parents of older kids. I'm thankful our kids get academics quite naturally. Still, I went into the whole public scene because God asked us to, not because I agreed with their form of education. So, I worried that my children may get caught up in this pattern.

There is a new program being implemented this year to combat this and I'm loving what I'm seeing so far. It's called "AIM" but I'm not sure yet what that stands for.

The idea is, that the kids are put into groups according to where they are. That way, if they don't have a concept, they will learn it, and if they have it, they don't have to waste their day sitting and listening to something they all ready know. This does mean that the teachers are taking different set of students so in some cases, Lilo and Princess go into another teachers room for reading or math. Yet, I think it's great because my kid is being taught right where they need to be. Every grade is doing this.



2-some people have shy away from the school my kids go to because of it's high number of Latino kids. It was 64% Hispanic last year. I am really loving this. The school does not cater to these students in the class room except in kindergarten. Yet, the kids themselves bring more to the table than people give them credit for. They don't have a lot in their lives. They are low income for sure (though here in our town, they are first generation Mexicans so they are loving how well off they are here in comparison to their country), and because of that they are not spoiled and they don't wear the latest high fashion. They don't spend most of their time playing fancy video games like most American children. They have big families and are use to babies and being unselfish because you have lots of siblings. It has been a complete joy to get to know them. They are some of the sweetest kids I've ever met, and I'm glad my kids are surrounded by them.



3-I am not a frazzled maniac anymore (well, not all of the time:). I have my plate full. There is always work to do. Yet, my being able to keep up on things and concentrate better on the home and our relationships has been an absolute joy. I'm much more relaxed as a mommy. I love seeing their faces and hearing about their day. I love our time of sharing around the table as they take turns sharing (1) what was the worst part of your day , and (2) what was the best part about your day. It's a little hairy some days to get out the door in time but that is usually when I have not done everything I should have the day before, or the kids have not. We are all learning to be more responsible and plan ahead better. Lay out clothes if needed, keep up with shoes and homework and papers that need to be signed. It's been good for us all.

My husband and I have been able to have some time together. That has been one of the best parts. We may work around the house, or run some errands, but after nearly 12 years with pregnancy or kids, it has been good to be just us a little.



4- and yes, this may be shocking to some....

The kids are excelling academically. Princess and Lilo are in the higher groups in reading and math. Lilo loves reading now and is practicing cursive on her own even though her class does not get to it till the end of the year. Her teacher is perfect for her and she loves her (yes, God knew this eh?). She loves getting her homework done early. All these things would have been pulling teeth for us at home and she was hating school.

Superkid has his test for writing numbers 1-10 up and they are absolutely perfect. He knows all his sounds and is grasping patterns wonderfully. He comes home and draws and colors which is something he did not enjoy before.

Princess is learning pre-algebra. I would have been stumped at this point. I'm so thankful she is learning from someone who knows what they are talking about. As a matter of fact, much of her math homework her daddy has to help her with. Part of my stress in homeschooling was that the older they got, the more I had to not just homeschool, but study to know what I was teaching. It's easy when they are young and you are still using blocks and paper and glue. Fourth grade and up you have to make sure your building their concepts properly or they fall behind. I could feel my load to heavy and my feet slipping. She is doing so well.



5- God is working in these kids. He is challenging them, and us as their parents. Our comfort zones are being stretched. We are having many opportunities to talk about our faith or just be loving to people and kids who don't know Christ. I love that many of the kids in my children's classes now come and say hi to me as if I were a teacher. I'm there enough that they know me. I love getting to be that involved.

The girls character is being tested and it's forcing us to be in the trenches with them. It's not fun, but it's good for us.

Princess had a poster the first few weeks of school that she was to put some things about herself. I was blessed that she said her favorite person was God and her favorite book was the bible.

Ironically, Superkids kindergartner teacher, when putting up a poster the first week of school about herself said the same thing. I was so blessed.



Oh, oh, and one other fun thing. Though it's been driving me a little nuts!

One thing the girls have missed out on through homeschooling that they are absolute loving right now are schoolyard slap games. You know, those little clap and sing games you use to play in school? I loved those and it was one of my major memories of my school years. It's amazing how those little games and songs (as well as jump rope games and songs like "teddy bear, teddy bear, turn around) get passed down through the generations there. Now they clap play and sing until mommy is going nuts from :

"my name is el-i, el-i, chick-a-lie, chick-a-lie, bom-bom beauty, x-y cutie......"

Evidently, God Has A Problem

Or is it that we have a problem with God?

Hmmmm.
Some things make my stomach turn. This is one. Though I have been feeling nauseated today...maybe it's just making it worse. Still, I felt fine yesterday when I read this and in seconds my tummy did a 180*.
I was reading my new issue of Answers in Genesis, which I LOVE. Get it ASAP!!!! No, I'm not getting paid to say that...but GET IT! It was just a little blip only three paragraphs long.




The God Problem


"If there's an all-powerful and loving God in this world, why is there so much excruciating pain and unspeakable suffering? This variation of an often asked question opens a new book entitled God's Problem. The author, who trained at a well-known Bible institute and then earned his doctorate in New Testament studies from Princeton, eventually rejected Christianity because that question seemed unanswerable.
As he studied the nature of evil and God's existence, the writer drifted away from his evangelical upbringing and eventually became an agnostic because he found no satisfactory answer.
Apparently, the author of God's Problem never took seriously Genesis's account of the origin of death and suffering."

(Taken from Answers in Genesis magazine Vol. 3, #4 (and it goes on a little)



I didn't have to read more about this man (you can learn more about him here), or his book to feel very, very sorry for him. It drove me to thinking and accumulating thoughts scattering here and there the last few weeks in my brain. Here is the scrapping in random form. Please excuse the jumbling.



1- God does not have problems, He is all righteous....we are the ones who have problems. Every single thing He does, did, will do fits together perfectly in the awesome pattern of his desire for His glory and we only benefit from taking part in that.



2- As Donna said in a post comment here, we will naturally disagree with God. I found it so profound, and I have been contemplating it's truth the last week.

Yesterday I was closing the door to my fridge to find the smiling face of my dad staring back at me. I keep his memorial service picture there. I was overwhelmed with remembering his quiet submissive response to God making clear it was time for him to die. The God who he loved for years, trusted, served and held onto for His very soul was telling him it was time to die. Did he agree with God? I can tell you, absolutely not. He wanted to stay. He wanted to see my kids, his grand babies, grow up. He wanted to be there for my mom and brother. You could see the struggle on his face. But people, it was not a struggle to believe, it was a struggle to accept. God did not expect my dad to agree with Him, expected him to submit and trust.

I should not be surprised that I disagree with God at times, just like I'm not surprised my daughter disagrees with me when I say she can't do an extra educating activity after school three nights a week because it takes away from our family. I do expect her to submit to me and trust me. I owe the same to God.

The fact that the fate of humanity involves suffering for now anyway, does not take away my faith in God. I don't agree that we should suffer, but I don't think God expects that of me.



3- The author says that the bible does not answer why we suffer. This is not true. The bible tels again and again that we suffer because of sin entering the world. As Answers in Genesis goes on to say:



"Genesis 3 explains that God cursed the world because of mankind's sin, beginning with Adam. But God's Word also reveals that HE had a higher purpose in mind. HE promised to send a Seed of Adam- God's own Son, Jesus Christ (BTW, aren't you glad it's almost Christmas!) who would one day 'conquer death' and remove the Curse."



4- God does not have a problem, Bart D. Ehrman has a problem with God. He disagrees with Him. God has ordained that man should suffer for a time (Indeed, he must since he is the complete author of all time and nothing happens that he has not allowed. We may not like this, but it does not make it false) This is the dark hue in the amazing painting of history. We don't like that it's black, but we also cannot see from heaven's perspective, how amazing the finished piece will be.



5-What is the other alternative? And this is where I feel truly sorry and deeply sad for this man. He has traded the truth for a lie and it will, in the end lead him into utter despair. Where is the triumph in proving that God does not exist by saying that God does not answer why we suffer?

Let me spew for a moment:

IF there is not God, and man suffers so, he is truly the saddest product of evolution or what ever other belief system there is. There is no future solution to his sin and suffering, no promise, no redemption, only despair. Why does man suffer if not for the reason that God allows it for a beautiful result in the end? Are we just plain miserable, in a miserable world, haunted by a miserable existence?

Let's take this a step further:

If there is not God, I declare my right to do exactly as I please. I declare my right to seek my own happiness and comfort at the expense to all. Perhaps that sounds shocking. Yet, who do I own anything to? Do I owe the world my being a good humanitarian? Why? It does me no good. Do I owe the earth my kindness? Why, I won't be here forever. Why should I seek anything besides my own peace and fulfillment? Because it's just the right thing to do? Says who? Says other people? Why should I do what they say? If there is no God, I don't have to be anything I don't want to. I am just existing in a sad and meaningless circle of despair. Even the very beauty of the world would begin to mean nothing to me because it would not save me from my meaninglessness because it does not stand for anything beyond itself. I would do what I want, when I wanted. I would not love one man, I would lust after many. I would not stay home and give of myself for my children, I would strike out and find a new thrill. Why not? There is no reason to be good, helpful, responsible, accountable, loving.....etc. There is only me.

I truly believe if it were not for God, my one life would be one shot at something satisfying because there would be no reason for otherwise.



People might say: "Well, you should do what you can for the future!" Why? Why should I care about the future of humanity? That has nothing to do with me!

People also say that all of creation is working toward a better tomorrow and a better species. If it's getting better, I'm not seeing it. Furthermore, if there is no God, I really should not have to care what anyone else thinks or does. ME would be all that mattered.

Why do people do unselfish good things outside of God then? One reason, it makes them feel good, and THAT is how it's still about THEM.

To reject God would be to reject my own happiness. They are one in the same. My happiness is wrapped up in His. To reject him would mean to loose that happiness in the eternal future, and to loose it hear in the temporal present. As the quote on my blog says:

"Aim at heaven, and you get earth thrown in. Aim at earth, and you get neither."

C.S. Lewis



Men reject God because they want to do what they want, to be the god of themselves. Little do they know that because they were not made by the creator to achieve happiness this way, they cut off their only link to true happiness. Even doing what they want their whole lives will make them completely miserable.

Ehrman has a problem with suffering, so he rejects God. Unfortunately, he has just signed on for a present and eternal existence of true suffering.

To suffer is to be separated from God. That is the ultimate suffering.

We are created to be with Him. We are separated because of sin. The solution to sin was Jesus. Now we can endure our present suffering with joy. Joy of the redemption we have been given. To reject all these is to reject the only answer to our suffering that the universe is offering.

There is no other offering of healing to man's suffering. He will only make himself more miserable the more he rejects his creator.



6-In essence Ehrman is saying: "Because God can't show me a good reason why He has allowed for me to suffer, I reject Him as God."

The irony is that this man has rejected God because he does not feel that a loving God could do this, and in the end, he has rejected the amazing love that can be trusted. For indeed, it can. We are the ones who have to choose if we trust. God remains the same. He does not have a problem because we say he does.

Many men will run to this book and will praise it, because many men are looking for more "smart" reasons to reject God.



"But we know that our present sufferings cannot compare to the joy set before us" Romans 8:18



Mr Ehrman...what better has the universe offered you?

I'll stick with the joy set before me instead of trading it for meaningless suffering and a evolutionary race going nowhere but further on in their existence of meaningless suffering.



As a matter of fact Mr. Ehrman, if you reject God because he does not answer why you have to suffer, yet he promises a glorious end to your story anyway, if you trust him, why then would you trust yourself to an agnostic exchange? Having no God doesn't answer your question either and it has no such glorious promise for you to look forward to.



I plan to read this book. I think it is probably a highlight example of when man let's his own understanding trump his faith. The end result is always complete despair. I was angry at first at this man, but the more I think of it, the more I am truly overwhelmed with sadness for him.



I will be there the day God explains why he let us suffer. Where will you be Mr. Ehrman, or will you still be suffering?

I pray you will trade your manly wisdom for godly faith.

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. C. S. Lewis

Lord, thank you that you are truth and that you are unchanging. Thank you that because you are the author of love, you are incapable of doing anything that is not truly loving. Thank you that you hold the mysteries and you can be trusted with them. Thank you that faith is believe what is unseen and yet faith is the assurance greater than what is seen. Thank you for not leaving me to myself and therefore utter misery. Most of all thank you for Christ, the great answer in the universe to our suffering.

Part IV: "Lord, What Do You Want ME To Learn From This?"

(This is Part IV of my thoughs from women being pastors, elders and apostles)

Something comes accross the threshold of your life. Maybe it's simple, maybe its hard. Maybe it makes you look good, maybe it makes you look bad. Maybe you get worked up, maybe you don't. One thing I have learned to do in the midst of good and bad things, is to ask God one question: "Lord, what do you want me to learn from this?" For truly, every good and perfect gift comes from above, and every thing in life can just pass us by, or it can become a blessing when we seek what were we need to grow.
I am very much an all or nothing person. This is, as many things, a strength and a weakness. Praise God that in our weakness He is strong. So, if I can be used for Him to shine where I stink, so be it.
The Lord has been showing me that I am in great weakness in the area of "how". I've only proven that weakness recently when I let my passion for something get in the way of my wisdom of "how" to go about expressing my convictions. Fortunately the person I wronged was gracious to forgive and had their own experience of weakness that allowed an outpouring of grace from us both. We are all so prone to falling off the slippery slope of pride. I am someone to say what I think and some are prone to just think things that would be just as harsh as what I go ahead and say. I wish I had the other problem only but the fact is, God sees into us all. He is so good to not let our issues stay hidden. He brings them out into the light to humble us and show us his way.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me,

And lead me in the everlasting way.

Psalm 139:13-14

What a blessing to be led in the way everlasting. What a privilage, and yet, what a discipline from the Lord. And as he so rightly says, no discipline is plesant at the time. Hebrews 12:11 Yet, oh, to be lead to the everlasting! Is it worth it? Yes, and it is the giving of our very life.

In the study of elders and deacons, I discovered something about men that I had not noticed before. In this study I found it very encouraging that there were two type of men. Authoritative leaders and Servant leaders. I had never seen that before. It says that they should be appointed according to their gifts. I had always seen this as "leaders" period. It was freeing because I realized that my husband has the gift of servant leading. He has an amazng servant's heart. In essence, he would fall under the deacon category if he were to take a role in the church.

It also goes on to say that the women are to help their husbands according to their gifts. God is very intimately aware of our gifts here, isn't that so cool?! He knows our ends and outs and wants us to come to Him as to how to use them for His glory. I realized that I have not focused on asking God this before. What gifts did you give me that are to help my husband lead this family.

This is where this is glorious. Instead of being frustrated that he can't come up with something creative to lead the children in according to their training in the word. I can realize that I AM creative and can prepare it for him. Instead of being frustrated that he does not notice things the kids are doing and therefore doesn't deal with it, I can use the gift I have of noticing and seek a way to respectfully make him aware so that he can lead them. I want to start praying about this and find out what God has been waiting to show me while I've been waisting time in the land of discontent.

Prayer to recognize gifts is perhaps the gateway to harmony in relationships. I'm finding this more and more true in all areas of life with people. After we figure out the lines God has drawn as to what he designed women to do, and men to do. There is great freedom of the unique person he has made each of us and the gifts we have that he is just waiting to use if we seek Him with a pure heart. This takes away the need for criticism, and manipulation. I have not sorted it all out yet in my head, but It's a start. When you encourage people for their gifts, as they fall under the obedience of God's word, you will stop comparing them to what you think they aught to be. I look forward to walking on in this journey.

And, it was this study of women in the church and home that brought these things to the surface in my life. It was not all fun. Some parts of what happened this last week were very hard, and very frustrating. We are all quick to be offended but not quick to see how WE may have offended. I look forward to God showing me "how" to do carry out things peaceably. I look forward to being more content with the man God made MY husband to be. I look forward to Him showing me how he made me, and me only, to be his perfect help. I look forward to getting back into that circle of blessing I keep telling my kids to hop back into.